


Let Me Be Easy to Love

by fuckboydirection



Series: Let Me Be Easy To Love [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Break Up, Cheating, Clubbing, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hair-pulling, Harry's Birthday, Infidelity, M/M, Party Boys, Public Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Self Harm, Substance Abuse, Suicide Attempt, a tiny bit of payzer, and everyone cries A LOT, drunk!Harry, he just really got around tbh, high!Harry, high!Louis, high!Zayn, larry fight, louis's omc also has a threesome with 2/5 and had a past with another character, with another tiny bit of louis/omc that comes back around to haunt him later, zarry vs lilo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-05
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-28 06:27:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 68,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/671339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckboydirection/pseuds/fuckboydirection
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's crazy how one moment can change things forever</p><p>(Alternatively the one where Harry and Louis break up and Louis's hanging by a thread until Liam saves him; but don't be fooled, this is <i>not<i> a pretty love story)</i></i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Don't See Me, Iris

**Author's Note:**

> So as a fair warning to prevent any further comments about the ship change, I will go ahead and address the fact that this story was originally intended to have a Larry ending but along the way, things got complicated and midway through it ended up turning into Lilo. But I mean this is how real life works; things change, people turn out to be not so beautiful and then your endgame changes because it makes more sense to end up with your hero than your villain. If you came for the Larry, there are still plenty of moments to cherish through the journey and I hope you can still enjoy the story and see it for more than 'the Larry story that didn't end with Larry' but instead see a character grow and develop and find true happiness.
> 
> But I'll shut up now and let you get on with reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> You Don't See Me- SafetySuit
> 
> Iris- Goo Goo Dolls

Harry hadn’t planned for it to happen. He knew that it would hurt Louis more than anything in the world but he was so angry and so drunk.

Nick had looked amazing that night. Harry tried to keep it cool, telling himself that Lou would show up at any moment. He downed shot after shot, and drank beer after beer until everything got fuzzy while he waited, but Louis never came. Harry had felt so hurt and betrayed but didn’t want to ruin the party with tears so he drank through the pain.

Nick found him in the upstairs bathroom, alone on the floor, clutching a bottle of Tequila as tears streamed down his face. “It’s your party and you’ll cry if you want to?” He’d said as he sunk down beside the curly haired lad.

“He didn’t come for me. He was the one person I wanted to see more than anyone in the world and he didn’t even show up,” Harry had sobbed. It was a horrible blow to the gut for Nick to listen to his crush pine for another guy but he wrapped his arms around the crying boy and pushed back his hair.

“It’s alright you’ll see him tomorrow,” Nick had said. “He’ll probably give you the best make up sex in the world for this.”

“Doesn’t matter because I’m alone tonight,” Harry had replied, resting his head on Nick’s shoulder.

“No you’re not. There’s a whole party downstairs, all for you.” Nick had said back, adjusting the two of them so that Harry was looking into his eyes.

“I’m not in much of a party mood anymore, though.” Harry had replied letting his head fall back into Nick’s lap. He felt so vulnerable and his mind was so fuzzy as Nick played in his hair. He was so drunk that he couldn’t contain his thoughts anymore, “I know that you don’t like him. I know that you want me but you can’t have me because of him. I know that you want this to happen, me and you. I love you, Nick I really do.” Harry had said sitting up, putting his hand on Nick’s cheek.

“I love you too, Harry,” Nick had said touching Harry’s hand while looking down. Then he removed the younger boy’s hand and bit his lip, “I do want this. I want you so bad but,” Harry looked deep into his eyes, biting his lip. He put a hand on the older man’s chest and moved the other to his thigh.

“Harry,” Nick had said, “You’re drunk. You’ll regret this in the morning.”

“No,” Harry replied still pushing Nick and rubbing his thigh, “Don’t.” Nick looked at Harry concernedly and the younger boy began to suck at his neck.

“Harry, come on.”

Harry stopped and looked into Nick’s eyes. “Don’t leave me like he did. Please. I don’t want to be alone on my birthday, Grimmy please.” The ‘please’ had pushed Nick over the edge. Harry had looked so soft and sad and all he’d wanted was for someone to make him feel wanted. And with that their lips crashed passionately on the bathroom floor.

Their hands explored all of the other’s bodies and years of sexual tension melted around them until they felt like they were drowning and had to take a second. Harry was the first to move again, tugging at Nick’s shirt. Nick smiled and stood up tugging Harry’s hand gesturing for him to follow Nick into the bedroom. He laid Harry down before sitting beside him on the edge of the bed.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” He’d asked one last time. Harry responded by pulling Nick’s head down for another long, desperate kiss. The younger boy pulled the older lad’s shirt over his head and then moved to unbuckle his own pants.

When they were both undressed, Nick took a second to glance at all of Harry.

“You gonna fuck me or what?” Harry’d said impatiently, propped up on his elbows. Nick responed by gently pushing the younger with a hand on his chest and sucking at his neck. Harry moaned as Nick moved lower and lower, placing gentle kisses down his stomach as he reached Harry’s semi hard cock. He looked deeply into the younger’s eyes one last time for confirmation before he wrapped his wet mouth around the head.

“God,” Harry moaned as he clutched at the bed sheets. Nick trailed his tongue along the underside of his thick cock and grinned as he engulfed the whole thing into his mouth, gagging. Harry moved one of his hands to Nick’s head and began to tug on his hair, as he bobbed his head up and down.

“Please just fuck me already!” Harry groaned when he felt so close he couldn’t take it anymore. He’d figured if he was going to cheat he’d go all out. Plus in that moment, he wasn’t concerned about the trouble he’d be in with his boyfriend later. Louis had crushed him and made him feel so tiny and alone but Nick was there to put him back together. Louis had basically pushed him right into Nick’s arms.

“Your wish is my command, Birthday Boy.” Nick said as he swayed to his bedside table to retrieve a small bottle of lube and a condom. He slid on the condom and slicked up his already hard cock while Harry flipped over and positioned himself on all fours, ass in the air waiting to be fucked. He started by slowly pushing the head in, while Harry groaned beneath him.

“You’re so fucking tight,” Nick said with a smirk.

“Shut up and put your fucking dick-“ Harry had began to mumble into the sheets before Nick roughly pushed himself all the way in, making Harry scream. Nick alternated between fast and rough, and slow and gentle until he found the perfect rhythm that hit Harry’s spot everytime and turned the younger into a complete mess underneath him.

“Fuck! Yes! There! Right there! Oh god! God! I’m gonna fucking come! Fuck I’m so fucking close!” Harry had cried as he furiously stoked his own hard cock. They came simultaneously, Nick inside of Harry, and Harry in his own hand and on Nick’s and his own stomach. They locked eyes for one last passionate moment before Nick pulled out. Harry just laid there, physically on Nick’s bed, but mentally on cloud nine until Nick tucked him in and got into bed beside him, cuddling and kissing the birthday boy’s ear until they both fell asleep in a tangled knot of legs and arms.

 

  
***

 

Harry woke up with a killer migraine and a sore ass. He looked around and came to realize that he wasn’t in his room, or Louis’s room. Then he remembered that he’d went to Nick’s last night. He realized that he was naked and cum stained and began to panic. Louis was going to be livid when he found out.

Nick and Harry had been friends since high school and always had a flirty relationship. When Louis and Harry started dating, Nick wasn’t exactly thrilled but tried his best to be cordial. Louis attempted as well but felt like he could never really trust Nick because it was just so obvious that everytime Harry was around Nick wanted to jump his boyfriend’s bones. Louis didn’t even want to let Harry go to Nick’s for the stupid birthday party but had no choice when Stan, his oldest friend, called him on the verge of a nervous breakdown after his girlfriend dumped him. Normally, he would have dealt with it later but it was a crisis because Stan was threatening his own life, begging for Louis to not abandon him like the girl.

“I’m so sorry babe,” He’d said kissing Harry. “Please don’t be mad. Go party with your friends. I promise we can do whatever you want tomorrow and it’ll be just us.” Harry had rolled his eyes, obviously annoyed. He couldn’t blame Louis. Stan was his bestfriend. But it was his birthday and by next week, Stan would be back with the stupid girl again as if nothing had happened. He did it every time but Louis always went to take care of him out of fear that Stan would be serious this time and actually go through with taking his own life.

Just then, Harry heard shuffling downstairs that interrupted his thoughts. Nick was wearing red sweats and a black hoodie with a gray beanie, holding a tray of coffee in his hands. Harry had thrown on a pair of black sweats that he’d found on the floor and stood in the door way, shirtless and squinting at the light. The two men made eye contact for a second before Nick smirked and said, “You look like shit.”

Harry chuckled as he walked over and plucked a cup from the tray and sat down on one of the barstools, “If you hadn’t have bought me coffee, I’d smack you.” Nick cracked a grin again as he retrieved the other cup and sat beside him.

The two sat in silence, drinking their coffees until the awkwardness became too much for Nick to bear. “Soooo,” he said.

“So,” Harry replied.

“Um well I don’t want this to be awkward. I don’t know what to say about what happened last night so it’s up to you if you wanna talk about it.” He’d spit out bluntly.

“I don’t really know what to say. We were drunk. It was just sex,” Harry said looking into his cup. He knew that it was a lie. It hadn’t been just sex but what could he say. He was with Louis. He loved Louis. But he also loved Nick. He was just so bloody confused.

Nick looked at Harry, with a mix of doubt and hurt on his face. "Harry," was all he could reply with.

“Nick,” Harry said, still searching for words in the cup, “You’re my bestfriend. You know how I feel about you. Last night was,” Harry stopped. He couldn’t think of the right word to say that wouldn’t either hurt Nick or encourage what had happened. “Confusing,” is what he finally settled on, “I don’t regret finally going there with you. I’m glad we finally went through with it after all these years but I,” Harry stammered, “Louis. I couldn’t do this to him. I couldn’t hurt him like this.” Nick rolled his eyes as he pushed away from the counter and stood up. “Nick, come on don’t be like this. You know that I love you both but-“

“Stop,” Nick held up his hand “Enough, I get that you love him ok. I get that he’s always gonna come first,”

“Nick,” Harry tried to interject.

“No, ever since the two of you started dating, it’s always been about him. And I tried to be ok with it, I really did, but it’s hard. I love you Harry, I really do and it hurts every goddamn day that I have to watch you love someone else. And I know that he loves you too but for fuck’s sake he left you alone on your birthday!”

“Nick,” Harry tried again.

“No! God, I was so mad when you called and told me because I knew that if it were you and me, I would have been there for you. I would have been right with you. I wouldn’t have fucking abandoned you like he does every fucking time his stupid friend needs him.”

Harry began to tear up as he got up and walked over to Nick. He placed his head on his shoulder and just stood there with his arms wrapped around Nick’s waist. “Thank you for being there for me last night. For always being there for me. I’m so sorry that it’s like this, that everything’s so fucked up like this, ” He said in a low voice.

Nick put his head on top of Harry’s and whispered, “Don’t go.”

“I don’t want to,” Harry said, turning to lock eyes with Nick, “I really don’t.”

“Then don’t,” Nick replied wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck and burying his head into his shoulder. Harry picked his chin up with his thumb, and softly pecked the older’s lips.

“Harry, please,” Nick started. Harry knew what was coming and wasn’t in the mood to hear it so he kissed him again, “Harry. This is just gonna turn into a viscous cycle.”

Harry moved his hand under Nick’s waistband and began to stroke his dick and sucked hard on his neck, sure to leave a mark and made the man tremble.

“Harry, come on,” Nick tried to fight it but lost to his body as his penis erected and he felt Harry smirk into his neck.

“You evil little bastard,” Nick moaned. Harry retorted by tugging on the other’s penis roughly.

Nick lead Harry back to his room and removed the lube and a condom as the latter undressed himself. Harry stroked himself as he watched Nick undress.

“Flip over,” Nick ordered and Harry complied, turning onto his stomach. Nick began to rim his tongue around Harry’s hole making the younger curl his toes and grip tightly onto the sheets.

“Fuuuck,” he’d moaned as he began to stroke his dick. Encouraged, Nick pushed his tongue inside which drove Harry mad. He was a grumbling mess as Nick slid his tongue in and out. “Niiiiiiiick,” he whined, “Don’t be cruel.”

Nick slipped on the condom and slicked himself up before he pushed his dick deep inside of the boy and was replied to with an “oof.” He gripped hard, with one hand on Harry’s ass and the other on his hip as he tried to support himself, and thrusted quickly in and out of the tight hole. He pounded coarsely and Harry moaned as he leaned over and began to bite at Harry’s shoulder. Had his brain not been clouded with lust, Harry would have stopped him but all he could think about was the pure, blissful paradise he was in at the moment and how he never wanted to leave it. What felt like a peaceful eternity later, Harry released onto Nick’s sheet with a moan. The sexy sight sent the other over the edge and he came all over Harry’s back, and then collapsed onto the lad, “You’re soo good,” he’d whispered into the younger’s curls.

***

By the time Harry had gotten home it was pushing five in the evening and he was a hungover, sore, confused mess. He didn’t know what he’d say to Louis and couldn’t focus on thinking of a lie or excuse because his entire body ached so much. When he’d finally walked into the house, Louis was curled up on the couch watching TV.

“Hey,” he said turning to face where Harry stood, “I’ve been waiting for you to get home all day.”

“I was with Nick,” Harry said walking into the kitchen to fix a glass of water.

Louis raised an eyebrow, “All this time?”

“Well I mean the party was pretty crazy last night. Everyone got super drunk and the house was wreck when we woke up. I decided to stay and help him clean up. Then we went out to grab a bite to eat,” Harry lied as he looked around the kitchen and sipped at the drink.

“Haz,” Louis said sternly, sending him a warning glance as he walked into the kitchen. Harry wasn’t ready to have the talk yet, so he put down his glass and lurched forward to kiss Louis and keep him from talking.

“I’m home now,” he whispered into Louis’s ear. He began to nibble on it, knowing that it would drive him crazy and make him forget all about being upset with Harry. “

Harry,” he’d moaned. “You’re not off the hook,” he’d squealed the last word as Harry licked his fingers and tapped them lightly on Lou’s entrance.

“You said we could do whatever I want today,” Harry mumbled into his ear, “and I don’t want to talk. I just want you,” he said jamming his fingers into Louis’s tight little hole. Louis took off the younger’s shirt and began to wander his hands all over as Harry played with his prostate.

“Wait,” he halted when he felt Harry’s shoulder, fingering the welt from the bite Nick had given him earlier, “what’s this?”

“What’s what?” Harry mumbled into his ear. “HARRY,” Louis warned pushing the boy back and away from him. He crossed his arms and Harry rested his hands on the counter behind him.

They stood there for what felt like forever, Louis staring at Harry and Harry staring at the floor. “Harry,” Louis said again, shaking his head. Harry just stood there examining the linoleum in silence.

“Say something damnit!” Louis screamed, “You don’t get to be speechless!”

Harry just stood there shaking his head.

“Who was it you fucking bastard!” Louis shouted at him.

“You know who it was, Louis!” Harry finally yelled back with tears in his eyes. Tears filled Louis’s eyes and he stood there in silence shaking his head then walked to his room and began pick to up any and everything Harry related and threw it all into the hall.

“Fuck you,” He spat as he threw one of Harry’s shirts. Harry simply rolled his eyes and shook his head as more tears came down both of their faces.

“Stop!” Louis screamed, “You don’t have the right to cry or roll your eyes or shake your fucking head at me. You do not have the fucking right. This is your fault. You did this, you ruined this. You should have never been alone with him. I knew he’d try to pull something, I just knew it but I thought I could fucking trust you.”

“Ha! My fault?” Harry retorted, “It was my fucking birthday and you left me to go be with Stan like you do. Every. Fucking. Time. At least Nick was there for me! Where the fuck were you when I was bawling my eyes out on a bathroom floor? Oh wait you were with fucking Stan!” Harry spat.

Louis’s jaw nearly hit the floor at the audacity. “Don’t you dare try to pin this on me! Yeah, I should have been with you on your birthday and I felt awful leaving you. But that doesn’t give you permission to go have sex with someone else just because you’re upset with me.”

“But it wasn’t just that one time,” Harry cried, “It’s all the time. You’re always putting him first,” he felt a wave of dejavu as he remembered how Nick had said the same thing to him that morning; “I’m your boyfriend. It should be me first, Louis.”

“Harry, don’t do this. Don’t put me in this position,” Louis warned.

“No, it’s not fair. I put you before Nick and he was my best friend, Louis. Do you know how fucking hard that it is,”

“Stop trying to turn this on me and don’t you dare try to make me feel for him,” Louis replied, growing angry. “They’re two completely separate situations. Stan needs me. Stan needs someone to be there for him and take care of him. I’m his person and without me, he’d completely fall apart. Let’s not forget that he’s fucking straight. Nick on the other hand,” Louis spat, “He’s a big boy. He can talk his way around anything and knows how to manipulate people into doing exactly what he wants. You were probably drunk and he smoothly talked you into having sex with him, reminding you that I wasn’t there and that you could blame it on being drunk and lonely. He probably made the idea sound so great and easy and didn’t bother talking about the repercussions.”

“Stop,” Harry said,”Don’t you talk down on him like that. I called him crying after **you** left me alone. He found me in the bathroom when **you** didn’t show up,” Harry said pointing at the boy on the ground, “And he didn’t take advantage of me or talk me into doing anything I didn’t want to do.”

“What are you saying?” Louis said looking up at him.

“I wanted it. You hurt me really badly and made me feel so horrible and Nick was there for me like he is every time. The alcohol may have blurred the lines but I still knew that they were there,” he said looking to the other side of the room, “We had sex this morning, too. Sober.”

Louis's mouth dropped and he broke into tears again, this time with loud sobs and his chest heaving violently. It broke Harry’s heart to see him like this but he needed Louis to know. “I love you, Louis. You may not think that I do right now, but I do. And I’d say that I’m sorry but I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I put Nick in second place for you but you couldn’t do the same with Stan and I’ve had enough. It was wrong of me to cheat on you and I’m so so sorry for hurting you like this but you hurt me too. I get that you couldn’t help it and that you were only trying to be a good friend but still.”

Louis’s sobs silenced and he sat there on the floor, motionless. His eyes were lost out in space and his arms were hugging his knees tightly. Harry had never seen him so removed and it was quite scary, so he cautiously walked over to the smaller boy.

“I want you out,” Louis said still looking into space, “I can’t look at you right now. I can’t do this. I don’t know if we’ll still be together by tomorrow but know that if you go back to his house between now and then, there’s no chance. I don’t care if you’re sad and need someone to fuck you and make you feel better, don’t you dare go back to him. You owe me that much respect.”

Harry walked out into the hall and turned back to look at Louis one last time before Louis got up and shut the door in his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be a one shot but I decided I'd make it chaptered because there are a lot of directions (no pun intended) that I want to take it in.  
> 


	2. Power Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Power Trip by J. Cole

Zayn had agreed to let Harry crash at his place for the night, although he had no idea why Harry couldn’t sleep at his own house. He wasn’t specific when he asked if he could come over, only saying that he needed a place to stay.

“So are you gonna tell me now?” Zayn had asked after Harry arrived and settled in.

“Can we smoke first?” Harry asked trying to avoid the subject as best as he could. He’d thought too much that day and was still so confused. All he wanted was a short escape and he knew that Zayn had the solution hidden in one of his drawers.

“It must be pretty serious then,” Zayn replied, chuckling.

“Shut up and pack us a bowl,” Harry said, playfully smacking the other boy’s arm and rolling his eyes.

Zayn obeyed and disappeared into his room, returning a short time later with his coveted Roor bong and a small sack.

“You can spark first this time,” Zayn said as he handed over the bong after packing it. 

“Thanks man,” Harry said before putting the mouth piece to his lips and lighting up. It only took a couple of seconds before the smoke hit him, and he inhaled as if he were trying to suck up all the oxygen in the room. He breathed in some cool air and let the smoke sit for a few more seconds before he exhaled coolly. “I’m gonna be so fucked tonight,” he said in a hoarse voice with a small cough.

“After a hit like that with weed this good, you should be,” Zayn said before taking a hit of his own.

 

It only took about 20 minutes before the boys started feeling the effects. Harry whipped up a few sandwiches for the two of them in the kitchen while Zayn lay on the living room floor listening to soothing tunes.

“I brought us some food,” Harry said as he walked into the living room, taking the space beside the other.

“Did you use everything in my entire kitchen?” Zayn laughed eyeing the huge sandwiches, “What’s even on these?”

“I can’t remember!” Both boys burst into a fit of laughter. 

After they calmed down a bit, they dug into their snacks and Zayn started the conversation again.

“So are you gonna tell me why you’re here now?” He’d asked with a mouth full. 

“I can’t just show up on your doorstep because I miss you and wanted to spend time with you?” Harry said batting his eyelashes.

“Bullshit,” Zayn scoffed, playfully pushing Harry’s shoulder. “But really, what happened?”

“I um, kinda fooled around with someone that wasn’t Louis,” Harry said looking down at the ground

“Harreh!” Zayn said starting to giggle as he pushed Harry over, “That’s not funny but,” Zayn giggled again, “Harry Styles, you dog!”

“I feel bad, kinda. Like I feel bad that I hurt Lou and that things are gonna be messy with Nick now but it was good sex.” 

“Poor Louis,” Zayn pouted, “How did he take it? Are you guys, like you know, finished?” 

“Not very well. There was a lot of yelling and tears. I don’t really know if we’re broken up- broken up but I hope we aren’t. God, I feel so bad for blaming him now.” Harry said shaking his head before he put it into his hands.

“Harreh! Please tell me that you didn’t actually tell him that you blame him for this.”

Harry looked back to the ground, darting his eyes and biting his lip, “I fucked up really badly.”

“You’re damn right!” Zayn said getting up from off of the ground to retrieve his phone. 

“Where are you going?” Harry asked looking up at him, puzzled.

“I’m calling Liam.”

“No, Zayn come on,” Harry begged, “Please don’t. He’ll hate me forever.”

“Well we can’t just let Louis be there in that big empty house by himself. You know how he is. He would have blamed himself regardless and you telling him that it was his fault only makes it worse. I really hope he didn’t hurt himself,” Zayn said dialing Liam’s cell.

“You don’t think . . .” Harry said, his face hardening as he remembered Louis’s old problems with self harm. “Oh God! God, Zayn! I didn’t even think about that! It’s been so long since he,” He said going into tears at the thoughts of the angry slashes that once took over Louis’s tiny arms. “I’m the worst person in the fucking world!”

“Hey Li. I know it’s late but could you drive over to Louis’s to go check on him,” Zayn said into his phone. “I know, I know but please it’s really important. I can’t go because Harry’s over. They had a fight. Please, just go see if he’s alright. No, I am not stoned. Okay, I am but I’m not exaggerating. Just please go check on him.” Zayn said before hanging up the phone and walking back over to the crumbling mess of a boy on the ground. “It’s ok, Harry. You’re still a kid, you’re gonna make mistakes.” He said as he rubbed and patted Harry’s quavering back.

“God, I hope he’s ok. Please just let him be ok.” Harry said into his knees.

 

***

 

“Lou? Louis! Louis open the fucking door!” Liam screamed, panicking as he pounded on the apartment door before attempting to turn the knob. The door was unlocked and he stepped into complete darkness other than a sliver of light coming from the cracked bathroom door.

“Louis? Lou, are you alright in there?” He asked cautiously as he came up to the door. He received no response other than the sounds of the spraying water from the shower. “Louis, I’m coming in.”

Liam walked in to find a bottle of Jack Daniels on the floor and an uncapped bottle of Xanax on the sink. Louis was sitting cramped in the corner on the shower floor with his head in between his knees and his arms wrapped around his small trembling body. 

“Louis! God, Louis how many did you take ? Louis answer me!” Liam yelled to him as he took in the scene. 

“Stop yelling,” Louis said in a barely audible voice, “I didn’t drink that much and I only took one.”

“Thank God, you’re alive.” Liam said, relief washing over his entire body.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Louis asked with his head still down.

“Well, Zayn called me making a big fuss and pleading that I come over here to check on you. I could tell that he was high off of his ass and was probably just being paranoid but I heard crying in the background that I would now assume was most likely Harry’s,” Liam said turning off the water.

“He cheated on me,” Louis stated blankly, finally lifting his head up but still hugging his knees.

“What ?” Liam asked completely freezing. 

“Yup,” Louis said nodding and pursing his lips, “And with Nick. On his birthday. And he blamed me,” Louis said with a small giggle at the last part. “He blamed ME for his cheating.”  
“Louis,” Liam said sympathetically, his brows furrowing together as he stepped toward the tiny naked boy on the floor.

“Can you believe it, Li?” Louis said beginning to tear up, “I should have been with him. I could’ve blown Stan off that one time. Maybe he’s right, maybe I’m not a good boyfriend,” He said putting his head back down.

“Louis, don’t beat yourself up like this. It’s not your fault. No matter what you did, Harry had no right to do that to you,” Liam said sinking down to take the space beside the boy.  
“Nick’s been waiting so long for me to fuck up so that he could swoop in and take Harry from me. Maybe they should just be together. Harry doesn’t need a fuck up like me.”

“Louis you’re not a fuck up. You two take care of each other; you’re perfect for each other.”

“I am a fuck up. It’s starting again, Li. The monsters are coming back.”

Liam moved closer to rub Louis’s bare back, “It’s okay, Louis. Everything is going to be ok again. You just have to hold on.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be strong enough this time. Everything’s falling apart and I need him. I don’t wanna be sick again but I can feel already feel it and he’s not here to help me this time.”

“You’ve made it so far since the last the last time. You can beat this, with or without Harry,” Liam said as his heart sunk. He felt awful because they both knew that he was giving Louis false words of encouragement. He wanted so badly for it to be true but he knew deep down that the main reason Louis made it the first time was because he had Harry on his side.

Harry stayed up with him through every long night that he needed to talk or couldn’t sleep. He tried his best to cook healthy meals that he hoped Louis would keep down but didn’t judge if they ended up in the toilet anyways; he stayed with the fragile boy on the bathroom floor every time until Louis felt like he could breathe again. When Louis got overwhelmed or frustrated or angry and relieved himself by cutting angry slashes into his soft porcelain skin, Harry would kiss the cuts and hold him as he cried. Harry was there through it all and never once complained as he put a fragile Louis back together.

“Could you maybe stay the night? I don’t want to be alone,” Louis whispered.

“Of course,” Liam replied still rubbing his back.

“Could we go to bed now? And cuddle, while you play with my hair and rub my back?” Louis requested as the Xanax started clouding his thoughts more and more.

“Ok,” Liam said as he picked up the tiny, wet little package that was Louis and carried him to his bedroom. He tucked Louis in, then got in beside him and massaged his scalp with one hand and let the other wrap around the tiny boy’s waist. Louis was out immediately and Liam took the tiniest bit of solace in knowing that Louis wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this makes Harry more or less of an asshole but let me know what you guys think. I considered leaving a cliff hanger where Liam first goes into the apartment but I thought that it would be kind of mean.


	3. Numb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, Numb by Rihanna helped me write this but
> 
> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Not in Love by the Crystal Castles

It stayed like that for weeks after. Harry stayed at Zayn’s and they’d smoke until their brains were clouded and Harry couldn’t think about Louis anymore. Louis would swallow back pills and drink until he blacked out and couldn’t think of Harry anymore. They were both running down a dangerous track with the end nowhere in sight.

“You can’t keep doing this you know,” Liam had told Louis one night. Liam was originally just worried that Louis would go back to cutting and starving himself but quickly realized that those wouldn’t be his biggest issues this time. Louis didn’t eat much anymore so that the highs could be stronger but it was clear that the big issue was the drugs.

“Don’t blow my high bitch,” Louis chuckled, falling over.

“Louis, you’re a mess. You have to stop this before it gets serious. You know that you can talk to me. You can’t just get high and run away from your problems. You’ll have to deal with them eventually,” Liam said looking down at Louis who was lying on the floor.

“Why not? Harry and Zayn are probably high right now too.”

“We’re not talking about Harry and Zayn. We’re talking about you. You know how you get.”

Louis stared up at him, growing angry, “And what is that supposed to mean, Liam?”

Liam turned, looking in another direction, knowing that he’d just blown a door wide open.

“What does it fucking mean?” Louis yelled. “What it’s okay for Zayn and Harry to go off and party and have fun but I’m supposed to be miserable and cry and cut myself so you can be the hero that comes through and fixes me?” 

“Louis, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just-I’m worried is all,” Liam said. There was no point in arguing with Louis when he was like this. He’d get emotional and say stupid things he didn’t mean and wouldn’t even remember in the morning.

“Just go,” Louis mumbled to the floor.

“Lou-“

“Go,” Louis said cutting Liam off.

Liam shook his head as he walked to the door. He turned and looked at the mess of a boy on the floor one last time before he stepped through the door and left Louis all alone.

 

 

Although he was in a bit of a funk, Louis still wanted to party. “Why waste a high?” He’d thought to himself. So he called Stan the Man up to see what they could get into that night.

“Stan. What’s up? What are you doing?” Louis asked smiling into the phone as he mapped out all the trouble the terrible two could possibly find.

“Nothing, just chilling. Why? You trying to make some moves?” Stan had asked, already knowing the deal.

“We should go to Karma,” Louis said. He hadn’t really went clubbing since he’d started dating Harry so he thought this little break would be the opportune time to start again.

“The gay club?” Stan said rolling his eyes, “You do remember that I’m not gay right?”

“But we always go to straight clubs when we hang out. It’s boring. Please for me?” Louis pleaded

“Only to watch the lesbians make out," Stan smirked, "But what about little Harry? He’s okay with you going out ?” He asked unaware of the fact that the two hadn’t been together for weeks.

“It’s whatever,” Louis said dropping the smile, “Are you in or not?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Stan said, “Who’s driving?”

“Let’s just take cabs, yeah? I’m already a bit gone and I’ll be in no shape to drive tonight,” Louis said, the devious smile returning.

“Alright, let’s meet at the club at 12.”

 

 

Louis met Stan outside of Karma at around 12:30 dressed to break hearts in the tightest pair of red Chino’s he owned and an even tighter black V-Neck. His hair was beautifully windswept and gave off the impression that he’d just had some hot sex but was looking for more.

“I can’t believe Harry let you leave the house without him looking like that,” Stan said taken aback, “He’s basically asking to get cheated on tonight.”

“Could we not talk about him,” Louis said trying to think of anything other than the situation with Harry. He didn’t exactly know where his plans for the night were going to go but there was no way they’d take off if he had that anchor weighing him down all night.

“Alright, well let’s go get plastered!” Stan said looping his arm through Louis’s and pulling him into the club.

Bodies were everywhere. Dancing, shouting, holding bottles and shot glasses high above their heads. Louis had missed this, the excitement of going out. He tried his best to take it all in but was starting to get a bit overwhelmed.

“You alright?” Stan asked looking over at Louis as the other examined the club.

“Yeah yeah, I’m good. Let’s get drunk!” Louis said plastering a grin on his face.

The two walked over to the bar and started out slow, Stan with a beer and Louis with an apple martini. They sipped quietly as the music pumped in their ears and they surveyed the crowd, watching as everyone moved almost in-sync with the rhythm of the music. Of course there were the few exceptions of sloppy drunks that were just falling all over, but it was still all so beautiful to watch.

“What’s gotten into you?” Stan said, turning to look at Louis quizzically.

“What ever do you mean?” Louis said grinning goofily as he gulped down his drink.

“I haven’t seen you like this in so long, since you started dating him actually. We never even hang out anymore. Then you call me out of the blue, in the middle of the night wanting to get hammered.”

“I see you all the time,” Louis said defensively.

“But we don’t party like we used to.”

“Well we grew up,” Louis said looking back to the crowd as he finished his drink. He turned back to the bartender, “Let me get a Bloody Caesar, my good sir.”

 

 

After Louis finished his second drink, he moved into the crowd to dance while Stan stayed at the bar and picked up a conversation with a straight girl who’d also been talked into accompanying her gay friend. Louis started out dancing alone, gyrating his hips to the electric music until he felt another body pressed up behind his. 

“Hey,” Louis moaned, too faded to put up any kind of resistance to the stranger.

“Hey,” the stranger whispered into his ear. Louis hadn’t turned around to see his face yet but knew that he at least had a sultry voice.

Louis was more than satisfied when he turned around and saw the beautiful creation that had been behind him. He was tall and thin with long bony limbs and was a bit pale but had piercing blue eyes, even more piercing than his own, and bright, platinum blonde hair. Louis gasped at his stunning appearance. The other man chuckled, “Name’s Cade,” he offered, leaning into Louis’s ear.

“Louis,” Louis said into the other man’s ear. The music, the drugs, the alcohol were all wrapping around Louis’s brain and all he could think of at the moment was how much he wanted Cade. He tugged lightly at the other man’s limp hand and Cade followed closely behind him until they reached the bathroom.

Louis entered first and waited for Cade to come in before he locked the door and pressed the other man up against it as he slammed their lips together. Cade kissed him back hard and slipped his tongue into Louis’s mouth. Their tongues wrestled for dominance as their hands explored all of each other’s bodies until they had to take a quick break for air. Cade took the opportunity to flip their position so that Louis was the one pressed against the door and he was on top, pushing him down. 

Cade bent slightly to work on Louis neck, sucking at it hard but slowly. He slipped his hand down Louis’s pants and began to gently palm Louis’s cock over his boxers. Louis could feel himself melting against the door, and tried his best to keep his head on straight but his eyes began to roll back and he couldn’t help but to let go into the blissful pleasure. He moaned and carefully moved Cade’s hand to under his boxers so that he could feel the bony, cold hand on his hot dick without a barrier in between.

“Feels so good,” He moaned, his whisper disappearing into Cade’s platinum locks.

“You like that, huh? Cade said as he sank to his knees and began working at Louis’s zipper and button. He gently tugged down the bright pants and black boxers, leaving Louis’s hard, leaking dick exposed. Cade spit into his hand and wrapped his hot, wet mouth around the head before he began to gently pump the base.

Louis tried his best to keep his eyes open and made brief eye contact with Cade. 

“You looked amazing before, but you look even better with my cock in your mouth,” He said before his eyes went back up into his head.

Cade smiled around his cock and pumped even faster and firmer.

“You are so fucking good. Oh God. I’m gonna come! I’m gonna come!” Louis moaned as Cade rubbed at his cock, until he spilled into Cade’s mouth. He swallowed it down before he rose back to his feet to kiss Louis again.

“You’re a good time,” Cade said when he drew back for air. He reached into Louis’s pocket and pulled out his phone and quickly punched in his number before slipping it back in. “Call me some time,” He said with a sly wink before exiting the bathroom.

 

Louis was once again alone and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He felt good from the orgasm and drugs, but sloppy and exhausted in the same token. He splashed his face with cold water before he went back out to the rest of the club to find Stan.

 

He found Stan still at the bar with the same girl he’d left him with earlier, except for now their tongues were lodged down each other’s throats and they looked like they were going to rip each other’s clothes off and fuck right there on the counter in front of everyone. 

“I’m gonna head out,” Louis yelled to him, beginning to turn away to leave. Stan told the girl to give him moment and walked over to hand Louis some cab fare.

“Are you sure you can get home alright by yourself? You’re pretty wrecked,” Stan said putting his hands on Louis shoulders as he examined his face.

“Yeah yeah, I’m good to go, just a bit tired is all,” Louis replied.

“Ok well text me when you get in,” Stan ordered before patting Louis on the back and turning him to leave before he went back to the girl at the bar.

Louis did his best to stay awake until the cab delivered him to his flat. He was so exhausted that after he’d stepped in and shut the door, he laid on the ground and went to sleep right there on the wooden floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If things go according to schedule I should be able to update on Wednesdays and Saturdays so next update will most likely be on Saturday. Let me know what you guys think though.


	4. Turn to Stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Turn to Stone by Ingrid Michaelson

Louis woke up the next morning in his bed and heard the TV going in the living room. He walked out to find Liam sitting on his sofa, drinking a cup of tea and watching the TV. He leaned against the doorway and folded his arms as he studied Liam.

“There’s a pot of water on the stove,” Liam said without taking his eyes off the screen.

“I’m glad you could make yourself at home,” Louis replied, rolling his eyes as he pushed back against the frame and walked to the kitchen to fix his cup.

“You know we need to finish our little talk from last night by the way,” Liam called from the sofa.

Louis groaned. He was not in the mood for another emotional pow-wow with Liam. Louis wished that the other lad would just let him fuck up in peace without demanding explanations every time. Harry was probably relaxing at Zayn’s and smoking everyday without being forced to talk. Why couldn’t Liam just let it go? He rolled his eyes and braced himself as he finished fixing his tea and walked back to the living room. He sat on the other couch, folding one leg and wrapping his arms around the other, with his knee under his chin. Liam flipped off the TV and turned to look at Louis as the other sipped at his tea, feeling ever so tiny under Liam’s big, disappointed eyes.

“Whatever I did or said I’m sorry, ok. I can barely remember anything from last night. I really just don’t want to hear it today, Liam,” Louis said, having had enough of the pitiful looks from Liam.

“What is happening to you?” Liam asked shaking his head.

“Stop doing that. Stop looking at me like I’m some fragile, weak little bitch Liam, God!” Louis yelled, rising to his feet as the anger from last night rushed back and Liam watched in horror, “Stop trying to get me to talk and stop doing things for me like I can’t take care of myself! Just **stop**!”

“Lou-“ Liam tried to interject.

“No! No no no! God, just quit. I don’t need you to take care of me or scold me. I am not a fucking child, Liam. Jesus!” Louis screamed, much like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

“Clearly, you do need someone to take care of you if you’re getting inebriated to the point where you’re passed out on the fucking floor,” Liam scoffed.

“Sue me, Liam! God, I’m sorry that I’m a twenty-one year old guy that got drunk and came home too tired to walk to bed and slept on the floor, my bad,” Louis said throwing his hands up.

“You know, I’m trying really hard to help you here, Louis but you aren’t making it easy.”

“I didn’t fucking ask you to Liam!” Louis screamed.

Liam shook his head and rose to his feet. He walked to the door, contemplating leaving.

“I’m the only one that still fucking cares, Louis. Do you not see that? Look around. Harry’s not here, Zayn’s not here, Stan’s not here. I’m the only fucking person that’s trying to stop you from crashing head first!” Liam yelled, turning around with his hand still on the knob.

“You’re getting wasted every goddamn night trying to run from your problems but it’s not fucking working, is it? You think that if you push me away and try to avoid talking about everything, that you might just be able to forget about it all, but guess what, you won’t! The problem is still there when you get drunk and it’ll still be there every morning when you sober up. You might have put down the razors but swallowing back pills like they’re candy isn’t any fucking better.”

Louis sank against the wall to the floor and buried his head into his knees. He sobbed hard and his chest fell and rose violently and he shook terribly but Liam continued on.

  
”You keep trying to convince yourself that you’re all better and fixed and can take care of yourself because you stopped cutting but you’re not. You don’t even care about you anymore. I’m the only person left in your corner and if you decide to lock me out, well you can just go ahead and call it wrap.”

All of the work Louis had put into avoiding this feeling of vulnerability and pain with the alcohol and the pills all came tumbling down with Liam’s angry rant. Liam had finally knocked down his walls and he was completely unprepared. Liam kept his distance and just watched even though he wanted so badly to sink to his knees and hold the mess of a boy.

When Louis’s sobs finally settled into quiet whimpers, Liam walked over and sank down on the wall beside him, stretching out his legs. “That was a bit harsh,” he said, looking straight ahead.

“No. You’re right. I needed to hear it,” Louis said, finally looking up but still clinging to his knees.

“I would never judge you, Louis, ever. I may not agree with everything you do and I tell you when I don’t, but it doesn’t change how I see you. I love you so much and it breaks my heart to see you hurt, especially when it’s you that’s hurting yourself. I don’t mean to smother you but I get scared sometimes that you forget your value and how much you mean to me and the rest of the boys. I know that Harry backed you into a corner and Zayn hasn’t really reached out to you much but they still love you. We all love you.”

Louis just sat there, rolling his eyes as he his shook his head and bit his lip thinking about the other two knuckle heads. More tears began to brim in his eyes and he buried his face in his hands when he lost the battle to keep them back.

“What? What is it?” Liam asked ducking his head a bit so that he could see Louis’s face.

“I think that I might have hooked up with someone last night. I can’t really remember everything, but I think I was out with Stan and we went to Karma and I drank more. The parts in between are a bit blurry but I vaguely remember being in the bathroom with someone. I don’t think we had sex but he went down on me.”

Liam shook his head and rolled his eyes. “God,” was all he could manage to say.

“Why do you even hang out with him? He’s a total wanker.”

“He’s my friend. I knew him way before I met you guys. He wasn’t always like this,” Louis said defensively.

“He’s a complete prick. He knew that you were messed up and he let you go off and have sex with a stranger in a fucking bathroom!” Liam said growing annoyed at Louis’s defense of Stan.

“Why do all of you hate him so much? It wasn’t his fault just like it wasn’t his fault the night that Harry cheated on me. I chose to go off with that guy last night and I chose to be with Stan on Harry’s birthday. It was my fault.”

“He could have stopped you last night but he didn’t. I know that you feel this weird obligation to keep up with him and be there for him, but how can you take care of someone else when you can’t even take care of yourself? He relies on you for everything and he’s sucking the life out of you, Lou. He has been for a long time now. Open your eyes.”  
Louis let all of Liam’s words sink in as he sat silent on the ground.

“What am I gonna tell Harry?” he said. He wanted to cry again but he’d run out of tears.

“I don’t know mate,” Liam said, wrapping an arm around the other’s shoulder, “I don’t know.”

 

 

***

 

Louis mustered up the courage and decided to call Harry that night after Liam left.

Harry and Zayn were sitting around in front of the telly, hanging off of a high, when Harry got the call.

“Dude! It’s Louis!” Harry had yelled when he saw Louis’s name light up his screen. It had been almost three weeks since that night. “What do I do?”

“Loueh?” Zayn had asked back smirking, “Well answer it before he hangs up!”

“Hello?” Harry said into the phone keeping his eyes locked with Zayn’s.

“Hey, it’s Lou. You probably knew that already because of caller ID, duh. Sorry that I’m rambling.”

“It’s fine”

“How are you?” Louis tried.

“I’m, um, I’m okay,” Harry sighed. He wanted so badly to say that he loved Louis and he missed him and he missed spending his nights cuddling Louis with his long, toned arms wrapped around Louis’s warm, tiny little body in Louis’s soft, comfortable bed. He wanted to say that he was tired of smoking weed with Zayn and falling asleep in front of the TV on the couch and that he just wanted some affection. Zayn was a great friend but he was a man’s man. He didn’t talk about his feelings or cuddle. If he had a problem, he smoked and fucked until it went away and then he simply moved on. Harry was always envious of how easily Zayn could just not care. “How are you?”

“I’ve been better. I think that we should talk,” Louis stated

“Ok.”

“In person, I mean.”

Harry began to get paranoid. Why would Louis want to talk in person? “Ok,” he repeated.

“Stop by in about an hour, yeah?”

“Ok,” Harry said one last time before Louis hung up.

“What was it?” Zayn asked.

“He wants to talk,” Harry said, his eyes widening.

“Didn’t you just talk?”

“He wants to talk in person.”

“What about?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t say. He just said to come by the flat in an hour.”

“Hmm, well,” Zayn said, putting a hand on Harry’s shoulder, “Good luck with that.”

 

 

***

 

Harry’s nerves began to eat at him again when he pulled up to his and Louis’s flat. Zayn had offered him a smoke before he left but he turned it down. He knew that it would upset Louis if he was high for the first time that they’d seen each other in almost a month. He didn’t know whether he should use his key or ring the bell, but settled on knocking.

“Hey,” Louis said, trying to fake a smile when he opened the door.

“Hi,” Harry replied awkwardly, stepping inside and gently closing the door behind him.

“The place isn’t as wrecked as I thought it would be,” he said as he walked over and took a seat on the sofa. He wiped his sweaty palms on his lap as Louis took a seat, opposite him on the other couch.

“You can thank Liam for that,” Louis chuckled nervously, “He’s been keeping everything together as best as he can these last few weeks.”

Harry simply nodded, not knowing what to say.

“I’ve been a real nightmare to deal with,” Louis rambled on, shaking his head, “I don’t know why he’s still putting up with me. I don’t know why any of you have for so long, to be honest.”

“Why did you ask me to come over tonight?” Harry interrupted, “That was rude but-“ He cut himself off, giving Louis room to reply.

“Because I thought that we needed to talk.”

“About?”

“Us,” Louis sighed, finally making eye contact with Harry, “I want you to know that there hasn’t been a single moment during all of this that I stopped loving you.”

“I love you too,” Harry said biting his lip while looking down, then picking his eyes back up to connect with Louis’s again. “I missed you a lot. And I haven’t seen Nick since . . .” His voice trailed off.

Louis was the one to break their eye contact this time as he sighed and looked down. He backed father away from Harry and trembled on the opposite corner of the couch and hugged his knees.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Harry asked as he got up and moved carefully to sit beside Louis. He went to push the trembling boy’s hair back but Louis collapsed onto his chest and broke into a cry. Harry wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller boy and held him as he whimpered into Harry’s chest. Harry had missed this closeness and the feeling of being emotionally connected with another human being so much. He moved one of his big hands to push back Louis’s hair as he lightly kissed the top of Louis’s head.

“Shh, shh. It’s ok, Boo,” He said soothingly.

“No, it’s not. I messed up really bad, Harry. You’re gonna hate me forever.”

“I could never hate you, Lou. Whatever you did, we can get past it together.”

Harry moved his other hand to pick up Louis’s chin with his thumb so that they could make eye contact again. He took his other hand out of his hair and used it to wipe Louis’s tears away. “Just tell me.”

“Last night,” Louis began and choked a bit as he looked down, “Last night, I hooked up with someone.”

Harry looked down and searched the floor like it could give him the answers to all the questions that began to buzz around his head, “Who was it? It wasn’t Liam was it?”

“No. God, no. Liam would never do that to us. I, uh, I was out with Stan-“

Harry backed away and rose to his feet. “You were with _Stan_? After everything that happened because of him, you were with him again?”

“I’m sorry. We went to Karma and I got really messed up. I can’t really remember everything but I know that I went to the bathroom with someone. We didn’t have sex but we kissed and he gave me a blow job.”

“Wow ok. So you forbade me to see Nick but it’s alright for you to go around town with Stan getting blow jobs in the bathroom from fucking strangers. Real nice, Lou. Real classy.”

“I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t know what I was doing. And it’s completely different than what happened between you and Nick. You had sex with him twice and you were sober the second time!”

“What, are you trying to say that what you did isn’t as bad because it was with a stranger? I’m horrible because I slept with my best friend but you’re excused because you were just being a drunk whore,” Harry spat.

“You don’t get to call me a whore. After all the shit that we went through together two years ago, I thought that I had found the one. I was done. The anorexia, the depression, the cutting didn’t matter anymore because I had found someone who promised to take care of me and love me forever. I was done. _You_ cheated on me. _You_ left me shattered on the floor in a million pieces. Yeah, I fucked up but you have no right to judge how I clean up the mess that you made. You do not get to call me a fucking whore.”

“I didn’t come here to fight with you, again. I’m tired of all of this drama. I’m sick of blaming each other and hurting each other and arguing and fighting. I can’t do this anymore.”

  
Louis just sat there, silent.

“We’ve already been living apart and sleeping with other people. I’m exhausted. I can’t fight anymore,” Harry said, shaking his head as he walked to the door.

“Is this it?” Louis whispered to him.

Harry bit his lip and fought back tears as he continued to shake his head. He winced and let out a sharp breath as he opened the door.

They made eye contact one last time.

“Yeah,” Harry said as a single tear rolled down his cheek. _“This is it.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was feeling really emotional today because I watched the Perks of Being a Wallflower last night and found out that Charlie was molested by Aunt Helen even though I read the book before. And there's a lot going on in the Degrassi fandom because everyone's pretty sure that Cam killed himself and it was ugly outside and I didn't get my Chipoltle and today was just a really rough day.
> 
> Louis's "You Don't Get to Call Me a Whore" speech at the end is based off of Meredith's "You Don't Get to Call Me a Whore" speech from Grey' Anatomy a long time ago in season 2.


	5. Mr. Brightside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Mr. Brightside by The Killers

Harry stormed down to his car angrily and slammed the door after he was in. He pounded his fists on the steering wheel as the tears began to pour down his face. This was the first time that he’d cried since the first night of his and Louis’s break up.

“No no no!” He shouted, still pounding on the steering wheel. “Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!”

He stayed there crying for a bit before he gathered enough composure to start the car and pull off. He drove straight to Nick’s flat.

He fixed his hair and wiped at his eyes nervously in the rearview mirror before he got out and knocked on the door.

“Harry? What’re you doing here so late? Its half past 12,” Nick said, puzzled when he answered his door to find a flush-faced Harry.

“I know, I know. Sorry. Can I just come in please?” Harry said pushing back his hair and sighing.

“I shouldn’t let you after you slept with me and then disappeared for three weeks,” Nick snarled, but as he moved aside to let Harry in. “What was that about anyway?”

“We broke up, me and Louis,” Harry said, faking a smile but then crumbling into tears again.

“Oh Harry,” Nick breathed, wrapping his arms around him, “God, I’m sorry.”

“It was my fault.”

Nick didn’t really know what to say because it was true that it was Harry’s fault, but he was also partly to blame for his best friend losing the love of his life. “I’m sorry. I really am. If there’s anything I can do,”

“Can we. . .” Harry said nudging at Nick’s neck.

“That’s not a good idea”

“Why not? I’m single now,”

“Harry,” Nick sighed.

“Please Nick,” Harry said, beginning to nip at the crook between Nick’s jaw and his neck.

 “Grimmy come on,” he said moving lower down his neck and stepping closer to the older man.

“For me,” He said sucking at Nick’s collar bone. Harry felt Nick’s hard on press against his thigh and he was encouraged to keep pushing even if Nick claimed to “refuse”.

“Now I know you want to.”

“No,” Nick said lightly pushing at Harry’s shoulder.

“Don’t be like this Nick. Come on.”

“No Harry. Quit,” Nick said finally stepping back.

“What is your problem?” Harry growled.

“I’m not gonna keep being your rebound boy. You can’t just clutch at me one night than disappear for three weeks and come back in the middle of the night and act like nothing happened,” Nick said crossing his arms.

“I said I was sorry,” Harry said defensively.

“You didn’t mean it.”

“Ok, fine. I’m sorry that I abandoned you Nick. I’m sorry that I’m a terrible best friend and that I’ve been treating you like shit lately. I’m really really sorry ok?”

“I’m still not gonna sleep with you,” Nick said cheekily.

“Why not?” Harry whined, “I apologized.”

“Yeah because you’ll say anything to get sex. I know you Harry. I’ve known you since you were in year 10. It’s the same thing every time. You date someone then you break up and you hook up with someone else and then you get back together with your ex and completely forget about the rebound.”

“Well this is different”

“How so?”

“Because you’re not just some stupid cheerleader in a miniskirt flinging herself at me or a random bloke in a bar. You’re Nick Grimshaw, my best friend. I wouldn’t just use you and throw you out like that.”

“Really,” Nick said hinting at the events from the last few weeks.

“Ok I said I was sorry about that. But things were really complicated and I was just really confused and I didn’t really know what to say.”

“You could have at least called or sent a quick text,” Nick said rubbing up his crossed arms.

“I’m sorry, Nick,” Harry said, filling in the gap between them and putting his hand on one of Nick’s crossed arms, “I’m really sorry.”

And with that, they were kissing passionately as Harry backed Nick up until his back was against the wall.

Harry started sucking at Nick’s neck as he ground their hips together.

“God, I missed this,” Nick whispered into his curls.

Harry moved back up to attacking Nick’s lips. He bit at Nick’s bottom lip and then moved to his ear where he whispered, “I missed it too,” before he nibbled at it seductively.

“I can’t hold out any longer,” Nick said, dragging Harry by his wrist to his bedroom.

He pushed the younger lad onto his back and got on top of him and they kissed again.

It was angry and violent, yet longing and yearning. All the tension from the last weeks and all the years they’d wanted each other but couldn’t have each other were pushing on this raging war between their mouths.

Harry rolled them over so that he was on top of Nick and he sunk slowly towards the edge of the bed as he started fumbling with the buttons on Nick’s trousers.

When he got it, he removed the difficult pants and Nick’s boxers in one elegant motion. Nick congratulated him by tugging his neck down and kissing at him again before Harry broke it up. He slowly kissed Nick down his body, a soft bite at his neck, a few quick kisses down his stomach then stopped.

He trailed his tongue slowly up the underside of Nick’s throbbing cock and never broke their eye contact. He then wrapped his warm mouth around the head and ran his tongue up and down the slit.

Nick rolled his eyes shut as he moved a hand to Harry’s curls, then pushed down slightly. Harry bobbed his head down a bit then came up quickly. He repeated the motion, but this time a bit quicker.  He kept going, quicker and quicker and Nick started rocking his hips up in rhythm with him, pushing his head down. He could tell Nick was getting close, so he drew back which received a whine from Nick.

“Hey,” Nick had mumbled, his eyes still lidded.

“You’re not cumming without fucking me,” Harry said with a smirk.

Nick pulled his head up to lock their lips in a fervent kiss before he pushed off of the bed to stand behind Harry.

He reached into his nightstand drawer and quickly took out the small bottle of lube and slicked himself up.

“Gonna fuck you so good,” Nick whispered in his ear before he stood back up and tugged on Harry’s curls. He slowly put his tip in Harry’s waiting entrance before he pushed all the way in, forcing out a yelp from Harry.

“Keep pulling my hair,” he whimpered, practically begging.

“Oh you like that, huh?” Nick said, tugging harshly at the soft curls as he thrust again.

“Yes, mm, yeah, keep going,” Harry moaned pushing back onto Nick as he began to palm his own throbbing dick.

Nick slowly massaged his scalp as he thrusted slowly. Then he tugged again harshly, picking up the pace. Harry quickened the pace of his rubbing too.

“So close, so close,” Harry moaned.

“Not before me,” Nick said into his curls.

“But,” Harry started, “I’m almost there.”

“Hold it.”

“Can’t”

“Do it,” Nick ordered pushing in harshly, knocking into Harry’s prostate.

“Not gonna happen if you keep fucking me like this,” Harry groaned.

“Stop touching yourself,” Nick demanded.

Harry obliged but it left his dick in pain because he’d been so bloody close.

Nick pushed into him roughly a few more times, hitting his prostate with every thrust before Harry shook his head in protest, “Can’t hold it anymore.”

Nick quickly removed himself and flipped Harry onto his back so that their eyes met.

“Styles I swear to God,” He breathed as he pushed himself back into the younger lad.

It only took a few more hits before he was withdrawing himself again and cumming all over Harry’s stomach with a loud “ahhhh”.

Nick moved his head down to place his mouth around Harry’s painfully engorged cock. He swirled his tongue around the head a few times before he took it all into his mouth.

“God, Nick! I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum!” Harry screamed, clawing at the white sheets as he came into Nick’s mouth. He watched as Nick swallowed his cum down dramatically, then flicked out his tongue to show that it was all gone.

Harry wrapped his hand around the back of his neck and pulled him down to share another desperate kiss. Nick slowly laid down on top of him and moved his hands back up to Harry’s hair.

“Do you have a hair fetish that I should know about?” Harry chuckled.

“It’s just something about those bloody curls,” Nick said, shaking his head jokingly as he rolled off of Harry to lay beside him. He propped his head on his elbow and began studying the beautifully crafted boy beside him.

“Do you want me to paint you like one of my French girls?” Harry joked, turning to look at Nick as he rolled his eyes and flashed a grin.

“Shut up, Styles,” Nick said pushing at his chest, “You better not have any French girls on the side.”

“And if I did?” Harry asked cheekily, a smirk creeping back onto his face.

“Then I’d stop shagging your brains out.”

“Oh please. You and I both know you wouldn’t be able to stay away from all this,” Harry replied, motioning towards all of himself.

“I said shutup,” Nick said, pushing down on Harry’s chest again and locking their lips once more.

They stayed like that, kissing and grabbing at each other and joking around until Harry fell asleep. Nick was out soon after that with his head on Harry’s shoulder.

 

 

***

 

Nick was in the shower when Harry woke up. He popped his head into the steamy bathroom before he pushed open the cracked door all the way.

“Hey,” he said leaning against the doorway.

“ ‘M sorry didn’t mean to wake you,” Nick said poking his head out of the shower.

“It’s ok. You didn’t,” Harry smiled at him.

“You sleep ok?” Nick asked pulling his head back into the shower.

“Yeah, yeah.  I slept fine. ‘S better than sleeping on a pull out couch.”

Nick stepped out of the shower and wrapped his towel around his waist. He walked over to Harry and put his hands on hips before he pulled him into a slow kiss.

“Good to hear,” he smiled before stepping around Harry to go back into the bedroom.

“So I guess I’ll just go now then,” Harry said, pushing off of the doorway.

“You don’t have to,” Nick said buttoning his pants, “It’s still pretty early. You can go back to bed if you want.”

“Well it’d be pretty weird without you here.”

“Just offering,” Nick said, moving to the mirror to start on his hair.

“Are you not wearing underwear?” Harry questioned as he pulled on his own.

“Nah,” Nick shrugged.  “And since when did you? Remember when we were in school and we made a bet to see who could go the longest without underwear?” He laughed.

“And then you pantsed me in gym and half the school saw my willie,” Harry said rolling his eyes at the memory.

“It wasn’t ‘half the school.’ And it wasn’t like they all hadn’t seen it before,” Nick said turning from his reflection to smirk at Harry. “Last time I checked, you made your rounds even back then.”

“Oh shut up,” Harry said stepping closer. “I wasn’t that big of a man whore.”

“Oh you were,” Nick laughed.

Harry pulled him in by his shirt collar and pressed their lips together, biting at Nick’s lower lip when he tried to back away.

“Have to go to work,” Nick said, putting his hands on Harry’s hips as he pressed their foreheads together.

“Finchy can handle it,” Harry said, weaving their fingers together.

“I’ll tell him you said hi,” Nick said, kissing Harry’s forehead as he backed away. He started putting on the rest of his clothes before he made his way down the hall.

“I can bring by some lunch from Zoë’s,” Nick called when he reached the kitchen.

Harry slipped his hand into Nick’s back pocket and kissed his ear. “No, that’s alright.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good. I’ve got some stuff to do today,” Harry said, running his hand over the marble counter as he made his way to the door.

“Oh yeah?” Nick asked raising an eyebrow.

“But maybe, I could fit you in later,” Harry smiled, rubbing at his chin.

“I’d be the happiest guy on Earth if I got to hang out with _the_ Harry Styles. Please oh please make my dreams come true,” Nick said, pretending to swoon.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Harry replied, starting to walk back over to Nick but before he got there Nick walked to the door.

“No kiss?” Harry whined.

“You can get one later,” Nick winked as he walked out the door.

Harry followed and whistled at the sight of Nick’s swaying hips and fit bum in his skin tight jeans.

“I hate to see you go but damn I love to watch you leave,” He said sounding like a horny high school boy.

Nick blushed and finally turned around to give him a quick peck.

“See, I told you you wouldn’t be able to resist,” Harry smirked when they broke apart.

“You’re such an idiot,” Nick said as he rolled his eyes and started back walking to his car.

“Fincham better keep his hands off!” Harry called before Nick waved and pulled out of his parking spot.

Harry walked the rest of the way to his car with a goofy grin on his lips and sat in his car for a minute with the grin still plastered on his face before he finally pulled out and left Nick’s complex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm still not a smut writing pro but I think this is much better than my first feeble attempts in Chapter 1.  
> Lemme know what you guys think


	6. Stay My Little Bird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Little Bird by Ed Sheeran (For the Zayn and Harry kitchen scene)
> 
> and Stay by Rihanna (For the Larry scene at the end)

As soon as Harry got into his and Zayn’s apartment, (he basically lived there now even if he didn’t have his own room) he crashed on the sofa and slept until he heard Zayn banging around in the kitchen a few hours later.

“Well that’s a surprise. You’re up before sundown,” Harry joked, rubbing at his eyes tiredly as he sat up.

“I was hungry.”

“Well what are you making?”

“I actually don’t know. I was thinking I might be creative and whip something up but then I remembered that I can’t cook,” Zayn said with a giggle.

“Want some fajitas?” Harry asked, mocking the tone of a cheery TV mom.

Zayn gasped, “Gee whiz! That’d be great!” He even added in the arm swing and a thumbs up to play along.

 

When Harry had finished up making lunch, the two sat down at the breakfast bar and dug in.

“So how’d it go last night?” Zayn asked around a mouth full of food.

“How’d what go?” Harry asked back, his mind still cloudy from his time with Nick and his lack of sleep.

“Your talk with Louis last night?” Zayn said, scrunching his eyebrows together, confused as to how Harry could forget something like that.

“Oh yeah, that,” Harry said, folding and unfolding a shell.

“It couldn’t have gone that badly since you were gone all night.”

“We broke up actually,” Harry said picking his eyes up to meet Zayn’s.

“Oh,” Zayn said taking another bite of his fajita. “You ok?”

“I dunno,” Harry sighed, “I’m going back there later to get the rest of my stuff.”

“I can go with you if you want. Help you carry stuff and such.”

“No, it’s fine. Pretty boys aren’t much help when it comes to manual labor,” Harry joked.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Zayn laughed, raising his chin. “But if you weren’t with Lou, where were you all night. Did you sleepover at a one night stand’s house? You know that breaks all of the cardinal rules.”

“I was at Nick’s,” Harry said, turning his head.

Zayn raised his eyebrows and simply let out a small hum.

“What?” Harry said turning his head back to look at Zayn. He’d been expecting a big speech about sleeping with the guy that broke up him and Louis but then he remembered that he wasn’t talking to Liam. Zayn was chilled and easy going and even when he disagreed with something, he still remained calm and open to interpretation. Liam on the other hand was a scolder and he wasn’t afraid to let you know if you were messing up. He lectured a lot but he did it all in the best interest of his friends.

“Nothing,” Zayn said with a shrug.

“What?” Harry repeated.

“I don’t know,” Zayn said, pushing his chair away from the counter to stand up. “I just- I don’t think this is a good idea, you and Nick.”

“Ok Liam,” Harry said with an eye roll.

“You asked,” Zayn said as he scraped his plate into the garbage disposal.

Harry sighed, “This entire thing is just- ugh everything’s so complicated.”

“How so?”

“I love Louis, don’t get me wrong, but I like Nick too.”

“Are you sure that you don’t just like him because he’s sleeping with you?”

“It’s more than that, I think. This- this thing with him, it’s fresh, it’s new. It’s not completely perfect but when I’m with him, it’s just fun. There’s no drama, no dumb back-home bestfriends calling him away. I’m all he wants and I’m good enough for him. It’s just hanging out with my best friend except now we have sex.”

“Well that sounds nice,” Zayn said trying to be supportive. “But what about Louis?”

“What _about_ Louis? I told you we broke up,” Harry said, shrugging his shoulders and furrowing his brows.

“You two have fought before. You always get back together.”

“But we’ve never lived apart for weeks and declared an official break up. I’m telling you this is it.”

“Okay,” Zayn said with a sigh. “Just be careful, ok? “

“Yeah,” Harry said as he got up. “Well I think now would be an ok time to get my stuff so I’ll see you?”

“I probably won’t be here when you get back. I’m going out with Danny and Ant tonight.”

“I have the house all to myself?” Harry said with a grin.

“No sex in my bed, Styles,” Zayn warned, “Niall’s bed is free though.”

“He’d kill me,” Harry laughed, “You know how anal he is about cleanliness.”

“God I miss him,” Zayn said, looking down.

“Same. When is he supposed to be getting back again?”

“Two more weeks. I really hope we can make it till then.”

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see ,” Harry said as he walked to the door. “But I’ll see you whenever. Don’t catch anything,” he chuckled.

“Try not to break anymore hearts,” Zayn called back, flipping on the telly as Harry shut the door behind him.

 

 

***

 

When Harry got to his and Louis’s flat, he knocked before he unlocked the door and walked in to find Louis curled up on the couch watching a bad rom-com.

“Sorry, I just came to pick up some stuff. I should be done in about 10 minutes,” He said, standing in the doorway.

“Alright,” Louis said, giving him a quick glance before turning back to the telly. He watched as Harry walked down the hall to his room.

Harry was stuffing a few shirts into a trash bag when Louis walked up and leaned against the doorway, folding his arms across his chest as he stared down at Harry.

“Yeah?” Harry asked continuing to pack.

“We have more suitcases you know.”

“I don’t want to have to bring them back,” Harry said, content with his trash bags.

“Ok,” Louis said with a sigh.

“Anything else?” Harry asked when Louis didn’t leave.

Louis opened his mouth to speak but could only let out a defeated sigh. He had so much left that he wanted to say but all that came out was, “Rent’s due next week.”

 “Right well I’ll write you a check before I leave,” Harry said flatly.

Louis sighed again and rubbed up his arm, “How long?”

Harry rolled his eyes, “What?”

“How long are we doing this?” Louis said in a small voice.

Harry clicked his tongue, shook his head, and sighed as he stood up to put the filled bag in the corner. “I don’t know.” He said when he sat back down to fill another bag.

Tears brimmed at Louis’s eyes and Harry glanced at him before turning back to put some pants in his bag.

“Why are you doing this?” Harry asked.

“I don’t want you to go. We both messed up but we can fix this. You said it yourself last night, we can get past this.”

Harry just rolled his eyes, “No. Okay, don’t. I didn’t come here for more drama Louis. I just came to get my stuff.”

“You didn’t even ask me how I felt about any of this. You can’t just decide on your own that this is finished and expect me to go along and just turn off my feelings like a robot.”

“Stop okay. Just stop. I don’t wanna have some big emotional talk or fight again. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of talking.”

Louis just shook his head and huffed as he slinked away.

Harry got the rest of his stuff in peace and put his bags in the trunk before he came back into place a check on the kitchen counter.

He saw that Louis was still crying on the couch and felt conflicted as to whether he should say something or just leave.

“I’m sorry. About before. It was harsh.” He said from the kitchen.

Louis just kept crying and it tugged at Harry’s heart strings. He walked into the living room and sat next to Louis on the couch wrapping a long arm around a curled up Louis. He paused for a moment before he collapsed onto Harry’s chest. Harry just sat there and held him, pushing back his hair and kissing the top of his head.

Louis drew in a shaky breath and exhaled. “I’m gonna miss us.”

“Me too,” Harry said as a tear rolled down his cheek. He tried to brush it off before Louis could notice but he saw anyway. He kissed Louis’s head one last time and held it for a few seconds, trying to remember the scent of his hair, the flat, him.

He stood to his feet and walked to the door and turned around one last time.

“Bye Haz,” Louis said in a cracked voice with a small sniffle, tears still coming down.

Harry clenched his jaw tightly and sniffled as manly as possible. “Bye Lou.”

With that he walked out of his and Louis’s apartment for the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this is late and it may seem like a filler (tbh it kind of is), I'm updating again tonight hopefully. I just want them to be separate chapters because they don't exactly mesh together and there's a gap in between kinda.


	7. Don't Let Me Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Don't Let Me Go by Sam McCarthy feat. Harry Styles

“You ok?” Nick said looking over at Harry. They were laying around in Nick’s bed post sex and Harry looked like he was close to tears.

“Yeah yeah. I’m fine,” Harry said as his voice broke.

“No you’re not,” Nick said pulling him into a cuddle with Harry’s wet face against his bare chest.

“God, I’m such a screw up,” Harry sobbed.

Nick just played in his curls silently as Harry cried. When he could breathe steadily again, Harry drew back and returned to leaning back against the headboard.

“You can talk to me, you know. I know stuff is kind of different now but we’re still best friends and I’ll always be here for you.”

“And what crappy high school chick flick did you get that from?” Harry scoffed.

“How can you go from being a weeping, snotty mess to a catty bitch in under 2.5 seconds?” Nick said with a laugh and an eye roll.

“Well I learned from the best. You should meet drunk Grimmy, he’s a riot,” Harry grinned.

“Really now,” Nick said leaning over to kiss Harry.

“Really,” Harry said as he straddled the Nick’s hips.

 

 

***

“Hey Lou,” Liam said as he walked through the door carrying some Chinese takeout. “I brought some food,” He said as he set the bags down on the counter.

“Not hungry,” Louis called from the couch. He was sitting in the dark, hiding underneath a blanket watching a depressing Lifetime movie.

“When’s the last time you ate?” Liam called back from the kitchen as he fixed his plate.

Louis tried to ignore the question and focus on the brightness of the screen and how it contrasted with the darkness of the room but Liam ruined it when he came in and flipped on the lights.

“Come on, get up,” Liam said as he pulled Louis off of the couch and into the kitchen. He fixed Louis a plate and set it down in front of him when he’d slumped down into the seat across from Liam’s at the table.

Liam dug into his food while Louis only stared down at his plate blankly.

“Eat, Louis,” Liam ordered.

“I told you I’m not hungry.”

“And I know that you’re lying. What’s got you like this?” Liam asked concernedly.

“Harry dumped me last night,” Louis said, still focused on the greasy mess on his plate. “Then he showed up again this afternoon to get his stuff.”

Liam grimaced, “Wanna talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to say,” Louis shrugged.  “I need to use the bathroom,” he said as he pushed away from the table.

“Louis,” Liam called after him.

Louis jogged to the bathroom and locked the door once he was inside. He sank down against it to the cold tile floor. His brain was spinning at all of the options that laid before him that could relieve him of this suffocating feeling. All he knew was that he needed a release and fast. He could purge but Liam would hear. He could pop some pills but Liam would be able to tell that he was high and he wasn’t in the mood for a lecture.

He stood up and opened the cabinet under the sink. He pulled out a small red box that he kept hidden behind a pipe in the back and opened it. He held the small metal razor in his hand and was mesmerized at how it gleamed so beautifully in the light. Louis almost thought that he could hear it calling his name but it was Liam.

“Louis? Louis are you alright in there?” Liam called from the other side of the door.

“Yeah I’m fine Liam, I’m on the loo. My tea from earlier got to me,” Louis called back.

“Gross,” Liam said before he went back to the kitchen to finish eating.

Louis ran his finger over the smooth metal and sighed. He sank back down to the floor and ran his fingers over his arm. Liam would notice for sure.

He slid down his sweats and his boxers to expose his hip. He didn’t think he’d be having sex for a while anyways so no one would see the cuts there.

He pressed the razor down gently and dragged it lightly. He felt his stomach flutter at the familiar rush. Encouraged, he brought the razor down again, this time pressing a bit more firmly. He drew blood this time and watched as it bubbled to the surface before it spilled over. He could feel his mind settling and his breathing getting easier. He drew one more line into his hip before he put down the razor and grabbed a towel to press against his skin.

When he’d finished cleaning himself up, he returned to the table to sit with Liam.

“You ok?” Liam asked getting up to throw away his plate.

“Yeah,” Louis said bringing his fork to his mouth. He could feel the slimy chicken crawl down his throat but he did as best as he could to swallow it down.

Liam sat back down at the table to make sure Louis ate it all.

“I can’t eat with you staring at me like that,” Louis said.

“I’m sorry,” Liam said getting up again. He walked into the living room and flipped the channel on the telly as he sat down on the couch.

Louis played with his food a bit, waiting long enough to where it would seem like he’d finished eating. When he thought enough time had passed, he dumped his food into the trash then walked into the living room and sat on the couch beside Liam.

“Are you sure, you’re alright?” Liam asked when the show cut to a commercial.

“Would you quit asking me that,” Louis said, trying to focus on the TV.

“I’m just worried about you,” Liam said wrapping his arm around Louis. “I don’t want you to get bad again.”

“I’m fine,” Louis lied. “Everything’s fine.”

They laid there, Louis with his head on Liam’s chest and Liam with one arm on the armrest and the other around Louis, until three shows had passed and Louis had fallen asleep.

Liam looked at the clock then rubbed Louis’s shoulder to wake him up.

“It’s getting late so I’m gonna head out. Unless you want me to stay,” He said looking at Louis.

“Do you want to stay?”

“Will you be alright here on your own?”

“I’ll be ok I guess.”

“You sure?” Liam asked.

Louis nodded. Liam squeezed his tiny shoulders before he got up and stretched. Louis pressed a small foot to where his stomach was exposed under his shirt when he reached his arms over his head.

“Hey!” Liam said rubbing his toned abs. He reached to mess up Louis’s hair but Louis batted his arm away. This only encouraged Liam to try harder to mess up his locks and Louis grabbed at his arms as they both laughed. When they stopped laughing they made eye contact for a brief moment before Louis leaned forward and kissed Liam. Liam was shocked at first but he fell into the kiss and returned it.

When they broke apart, Liam looked down at Louis confusedly.

“Well, night Li,” Louis said after a moment with a small smile.

“Night Lou,” Liam said as he walked out of the door, still rattled by the kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's chapter 7. I've been messing around with the tags a bit in case you all didn't notice. Part of me wants to take down the Louis/OMC tag but it's gonna be important to the story later so I guess I'll just leave it.
> 
> Niall's coming home within the next one or two chapters!
> 
> Also I wanna make a playlist to go with this because there are a few songs that have kind of set the mood of the work and I think that you guys should listen to them. If I can't find a way to link one in, I'll just write in a part where one character gives another character a playlist or something but it'd be a lot easier if I could just link one in a box somewhere.
> 
> Anyways next update should be on Wednesday. Lemme know what you guy's think.


	8. Give Me Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Give Me Love (8 minute Live Room version) by Ed Sheeran

“So where are we going with this?” Nick asked Harry one day a week later while they layed in Nick’s bed, Harry with his head on Nick’s chest and Nick playing in his curls.

“I don’t know? Where do you want it to go?” Harry said, turning to look into Nick’s eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t think we should rush into anything soon, though. We should keep things open. But I like this,” Nick said, grinning.

“I like it too,” Harry said with a big grin before leaning in to kiss him.

 

 

***

 

Liam and Louis talked about the kiss a couple days later when Liam had stopped by to check on him. They were relaxing in the living room watching a sitcom on the telly. Liam was sitting with his arms propped up on the couch and Louis was laying with his head in Liam’s lap.

“You okay?” Liam had asked looking down at Louis when the show went to commercial.

“For the billionth time Liam, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Louis asked with a shrug.

“Well a lot’s happened and it just seems like you’re not really dealing with it.”

“What’s wrong with leaving it be? It’s _over_. No amount of crying or whining is gonna change it so why bother making a big fuss?” Louis said back.

“I just don’t want you to isolate yourself and feel like you’re going at this alone. I’m here whenever you need me,” Liam said running a hand through his hair.

“Thanks Li,” Louis said faking a smile up at him. He felt so bad knowing that he was cutting and starving again and lying to Liam about it. He knew Liam would find out eventually though. Liam always saw things the others didn’t.

“That kiss the other night,” Liam started, bringing Louis back from his thinking.

“What about it?” Louis asked.

“I don’t know,” Liam sighed, rubbing the back of his own neck.

“It didn’t mean anything,” Louis shrugged, “We’ve all kissed each other before.”

“Yeah but-“ Liam said, cutting himself off.

“But what?”

“I don’t know” Liam said again, “Truth moment?”

“Truth moment,” Louis said back.

“What if- what if it was more than nothing?” Liam said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Liam said with a sigh, “I just- I felt something. It felt right, kissing you. It was different than some drunken snog or a kiss in a game. It- I don’t know. It was just different.”

Louis let out a sigh and a small smile crept to his face as he sat up and then leaned in to kiss Liam again. It was slow and nervous at first but then he moved a tiny hand to cup Liam’s cheek.

“Huh,” Louis said when they broke apart, “That’s funny. I felt something too,” He said with a smile.

Liam simply smiled back and leaned in to kiss him again.

 

***

 

“So we’re all set for tomorrow night?” Zayn asked into his phone as he paced in his kitchen.

“Yeah. Be there at 9. Make sure Louis’s ok and keeps calm during the whole thing. We’re going out right?” Liam said back into his phone.

“Yeah we’re going to Nando’s and then to the pub after he drops his stuff off. Does Louis wanna go to that? Harry said that he’d go but I don’t want it to be hard for him.”

“Well he didn’t say that he didn’t want to go. He wants Niall to have a good time with all his best pals on his first night back. But I’ll stay by his side the whole night and make sure he’s good.”

“Thanks Liam for everything. And that’s from me _and_ Harry, even if he doesn’t say it himself. These past couple weeks have been rough on all of us, but we still love you guys all the same. He hasn’t really said much, but I know that he still worries about Louis. I do too, but it seems like you’re keeping him together well enough.”

Liam cracked a small grin even though Zayn couldn’t see it. “That means a lot, Zayn. Thanks. And I still worry about him too sometimes. He seems like he’s doing pretty well now but I just- I can’t shake the feeling that something’s still not right, you know?”

“Well what do you mean?” Zayn asked.

“I don’t know,” Liam said, shrugging his shoulders. “Maybe I’m just being a worrywart.”

“That wouldn’t be the first time,” Zayn joked.

“Well you guys are always getting yourselves into trouble,” Liam said back. “Someone’s gotta be the sensible one. I have to worry enough for all five of us and if you add it up, that’s a lot of worrying to do.”

“Well you’re letting loose tomorrow night. You’re not to leave the bar till your face hits the floor.”

“I don’t think I’ll get that loose now. Maybe a couple drinks, though.”

“I guess that’ll do.”

“Z, can I tell you something?” Liam asked, biting down on his lip.

“Sure, go for it.”

“Louis kissed me a couple nights ago.”

Zayn let out a sigh as he shook his head, as if Liam could see him. “Li,” is all he said.

“I know. I know but it was good. It was a good kiss and-“ Liam stopped.

“And?” Zayn asked, urging Liam to finish.

“We kissed again after that. I like kissing him. I like _him._ ”

“Liam,” Zayn said as he sighed again.

“I know that I should be level headed and stop this before it starts but- But I kind of don’t want to,” Liam said, bringing his hand to his mouth quickly, surprised at his own words.

“This isn’t a good idea, Li. Louis, he’s cute and sweet and nice. But he’s like the master’s daughter, you can look all you want but you can’t have her. He’s Harry’s.”

Liam only rolled his eyes at the last bit. “So Harry gets to ride off into the sunset with the guy that broke him and Louis up but Louis’s just supposed to be alone and sulk through it?”

“I’m not saying what Harry did was right. What he did to Louis was horrible but he’s still a stupid kid. He’s gonna make mistakes and Louis knows that.”

“Forgetting to lock the door is a mistake. Cheating on your boyfriend of two years is a choice,” Liam said brashly.

“Look I just don’t want you to get hurt. Their mess isn’t something you wanna get mixed up in.”

“Well,” Liam said, “I kind of already am.”

“I’m home so go put some clothes on you filthy bastard,” Harry called from the front door.

“Look, I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow alright? And think about what I said.” Zayn said before he hung up.

“Who were you talking to?” Harry asked as he walked into the kitchen.

“Liam,” Zayn said, looking at Harry carefully.

“How is he?”

“Him and Louis are fine. They’re coming over tomorrow just so you know.” Zayn said nervously as he bit at his nail.

“You told me already,” Harry said moving to the fridge. “Why are you acting like that?”

“Acting like what?”

“You’re being weird. What is it? Did Liam say something?”

“No?” Zayn said, drawing out the “o” making it sound more like a question than a statement.

“What did he say?” Harry asked, closing the fridge door and locking his eyes with Zayn’s.

Zayn put his hand down with a sigh and stood there looking back at Harry, but Harry didn’t waver.

“Well?” Harry asked when Zayn still didn’t say anything.

“Liam’s gonna kill me,” Zayn said in another sigh. “They kissed, Li and Lou.”

Harry blinked and drew back. He rolled his shoulders and neck uncomfortably.

Zayn just stood a there and watched him.

“Well are they a thing?” Harry asked after a while.

“I don’t know. He didn’t really tell me much. But don’t go acting all crazy tomorrow night, ok? It’s supposed to be Niall’s night. We’re to focus on welcoming him home not all the drama.”

Harry just rolled his eyes in response.

“Harry,” Zayn said sternly. “Say that you won’t flip out tomorrow.”

“Only if we smoke first.”

“Deal,” Zayn said as he walked past Harry and smacked him on his bum.

 

***

 

The car ride to Zayn’s was quiet. Louis was too nervous to talk and Liam was nervous for him too. Louis had cut again before Liam picked him up but he still felt unsettled.

“It’s gonna be alright,” Liam said, placing a hand on Louis knee.

Louis picked it up and locked their fingers , smiling over at Liam.

 

After they’d parked, Liam took hold of Louis’s hand again and lead him to the door. He gave him a quick a peck and placed a hand on Louis’s shoulder, “You can do this. I’ll be right by your side the whole night.” He gave Louis one last kiss before he grabbed his hand again and opened the door.

“Liam! Louis!” Zayn yelled running to hug them. “Long time no see!”

“It reeks in here. You could have at least opened the windows if you were gonna smoke in the flat,” Liam said pulling his shirt over his nose.

“My apartment, my rules,” Zayn said back as he crossed his arms and raised his chin.

“Whatever,” Liam muttered, “Where’s Harry?”

Louis crossed the room to sit on the couch and found him laying on the floor. “He’s over here.”

“Hi Lou,” Harry said.

“Hi Harry,” Louis said back awkwardly as he took a seat on the couch.

Harry stood up and sat on the couch opposite him. Louis pulled back the band on his wrist and let it sting into his arm. Harry noticed but he didn’t say anything as Louis continued to do it.

Zayn came and sat beside Harry and Liam sat beside Louis. He put his arm around him and rubbed Louis’s shoulder when he noticed what he was doing to his arm. Harry continued to stare at them. When Zayn noticed that he was watching them, he smacked Harry on the arm.

“Ow!” Harry yelled, pulling the attention of the other two.

Zayn shot him a warning glance with his jaw clenched tightly.

They watched TV for a bit before Harry shot out, “This is bullshit.”

“Harry stop it,” Zayn warned again.

“You told him,” Liam said, eyes bulging.

“Yeah, he did. You’re a shit friend. Stabbed me right in the back,” Harry said, shaking his head.

“Whatever, Styles. You don’t have to like it,” Liam shot back.

“Fuck you,” Harry spat. “And fuck you too. You don’t see me throwing Nick in _your_ face,” He said leaning over so that he could see Louis.

“Clearly. You just run off and fuck him behind my back,” Louis muttetred.

“What was that, whore?” Harry said.

“Says the fuck up who cheated on his boyfriend,” Louis said back, louder this time.

“Says the slut who got blown by a stranger in a bathroom!” Harry yelled looking up to the ceiling, done with the ridiculosness.

“Don’t talk to him like that,” Liam warned.

“Don’t tell me how to talk to him. He was mine first. Have fun with my trashy leftovers,”  Harry said, getting up.

“Why do you even care? You’ve got Nick,” Liam said to Harry’s back.

Harry licked his lips as he shook his head angrily, “This isn’t about him. Just end whatever you two have going.”

“Maybe if you would have been this possessive before, you’d still have him,” Liam said, rolling his eyes.

Harry walked over and smacked him hard on the back of the head. Liam shot up from the couch and walked around to shove Harry. Harry shoved him back onto the wall and Liam elbowed him in the mouth. Zayn rushed over to try to break them up but Liam backed away on his own. He shook his head at Harry who was nursing his lip. Harry attempted to lunge at Liam again but Zayn was holding them apart.

“What the fuck is wrong with you two?” Zayn yelled.

“He started it,” Harry spat.

“You hit me first!” Liam yelled back at him.

“You deserved it you backstabbing prick!” Harry said, ready to pounce at Liam again.

“Enough!” Zayn yelled, cutting in before Round 2 could ensue. “We are all best friends here. You may not like each other right now but we are getting through this. You idiots are not throwing away this friendship over a fucking testosterone battle.”

“Fuck this,” Harry said, shaking his head as he walked to the door with his middle finger in the air.

“Where are you going?” Zayn asked to his back.

“Nick’s.”

“And what about Niall?”

“I’ll see him in the morning when these two tossers aren’t here.”

“We had a deal, Harry,” Zayn said crossing his arms.

“What can I say? I fuck everything up,” Harry said as he walked backwards out of the door with his arms in the air.

Zayn could only sigh when Harry shut the door.

“Why the fuck did you tell him?” Liam yelled at Zayn.

“Because he’s our best friend and I’m not gonna lie to him,” Zayn shot back.

“Can we just go please?” Louis spoke up from the couch. He’d been popping the band on his arm since they walked into Zayn’s apartment but it did nothing to curve his anxiety. He needed to cut _so badly_ but he couldn’t do it in Zayn’s flat.

“Are all of you twats forgetting that the whole reason we came together tonight was for Niall?” Zayn asked.

“He needs to get out of here, Zayn,” Liam said walking over to take Louis’s hand. “We’ll see Niall another time.”

Zayn just about cried when Liam shut the door. He threw himself down on the ground and laid there with his arm over his face.

“Surprise?” Niall said when he walked in the door a few minutes later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) Not too much Gryles this chapter. 
> 
> Niall's home now though and things are gonna start heating up even more than they already have.


	9. Watch Me Bleed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Watch Me Bleed by Scary Kids Scaring Kids

“I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow,” Nick said when he opened the door to find a high and angsty Harry standing on his doorstep.

“I left,” Harry said, walking past Nick to go into the bedroom.

“What happened?” Nick said, following him.

“Liam and I got in a fight,” Harry said as he walked into the bathroom to check his lip. It was still swollen but it wasn’t as painful as it had been earlier.

“But Liam’s too sweet to fight,” Nick said, confused.

“Well he’s not too sweet to fuck my boyfriend,” Harry spat.

“Ex-boyfriend,” Nick corrected.

“Shit, come on you know what I meant.”

Nick just crossed his arms and walked away.

“Come on Grimmy,” Harry said, shutting off the bathroom light and following Nick to the bed. He stood behind him and wrapped his arms around Nick’s slender waist.

“It’s already happening again,” Nick said, trying to shrug Harry off of him.

“Don’t start,” Harry said pressing a gentle kiss to his neck.

“Just let me loooove you baby,” he said sucking at Nick’s neck as he slipped a hand down his trousers and palmed over Nick’s hardening cock.

“Harry,” Nick said in a breathy moan.

Harry gently nudged him onto the bed before climbing on top of him. He took off his shirt and threw it on the floor before moving in to kiss Nick again. When he went to pull away, he gently pulled at Nick’s lip with his teeth.

Nick looked up at him as Harry slowly took off his pants, his eyes darkening as he licked his lips. “Why do you do this to me,” he groaned.

Harry responded by kneeling  to the ground and taking off Nick’s trousers. He pressed gentle kisses down his hard cock before he took the head into his mouth. He ran his smooth tounge along the slit and gently massaged the shaft with his hand. Nick’s toes curled as he propped himself up on his elbows to get a better view of Harry sucking him off.

Harry continued to run his tongue along the slit before he abruptly got up to get the lube from Nick’s drawer.

He squeezed some onto his hand and gently tugged at Nick’s throbbing cock as he moved back down to suck him off. He twisted his hand along the base as he ran his tongue along the slit and looked up at Nick.

He was still propped up on his elbows but his eyes were rolled back.

Harry removed his hand and sat back on his heels.

“Hey!” Nick said, looking down at Harry in frustration.

“You know the rules, no cumming until you fuck me,” Harry said, crawling onto the bed.

“I wasn’t gonna cum,” Nick growled as he got up to stand behind Harry.

“Oh really cause you looked pretty close to me,” Harry said with a smirk as he pushed his ass into the air.

Nick slicked up two fingers and inched them inside of Harry, softly caressing the inside of his bum.

“Don’t tease me,” Harry warned.

Nick responded by slamming his fingers in, his fingers now knuckle deep.

“Add another,” Harry whined.

“Such a demanding bottom, you are,” Nick said sliding in a third finger.

“I only bottom for you,” Harry said moving back onto Nick’s fingers.

Nick removed his fingers and swiped a bit more lube on before he pressed the tip of his cock to Harry’s entrance.

He tugged at Harry’s curls as he slowly pushed in.

“You like cock up your ass don’t you,” he whispered as he leaned down to nibble at Harry’s ear.

“Yeah,” Harry said in a moan as he pressed back onto Nick’s cock.

“You’re a little cock slut aren’t you,” Nick said, grabbing at Harry’s chest to pull him back on top of him.

“N-no.  Only your cock. Only you get to fuck me,” Harry said moving his hips around until he got into the right position where Nick’s tip was running along his prostate.

“And I fuck you right, huh,” Nick said, holding onto Harry’s hips to keep him steady.

“Y-yes! Yes, yes, God yes!” Harry moaned as he rode ontop of Nick.

It didn’t take long before Harry was cumming all over Nick’s sheets. The sight of him cumming and the way Harry clenched around him when he came pushed Nick over the edge as well. He leaned down to press a kiss to Harry’s curls before he pulled out and laid beside him.

 

 

***

 

 

“What was that?” Louis said when they finally got to his flat. “I knew he’d be mad but I wasn’t expecting a full on fight.”

“He started it,” Liam said defensively.

“It was pretty hot though,” Louis said moving over to drape his arm around Liam’s neck. “Two gorgeous, raging boys fighting for my love,” He said as he bit down on his lip.

“No Lou,” Liam said, shaking his head as he stepped away from Louis. “Zayn’s right. We shouldn’t do this anymore. It’s wrong.”

Louis rolled his eyes and sighed as he sat on the couch. “You shouldn’t have told him.”

“He’s our best friend,” Liam said moving to sit on the opposite couch.

Louis just rolled his eyes again and side glanced at Liam before turning back to look at the telly even though it was off.

“We’re _all_ still best friends, Louis, even if you and Harry aren’t together anymore.”

“Bullshit,” Louis scoffed.

Liam just watched him confusedly.

“Open your fucking eyes Liam! This whole clique has been divided since all this started. It doesn’t matter what Zayn thinks because he’s always gonna be on Harry’s side.”

“Well maybe things will be different now that Niall’s back,” Liam said, hopefully.

“Please,” Louis said shaking his head, “Niall’s gonna side with him too. He lives with them for Christ’s sake. It’s just us now.”

Liam got up and wrapped an arm around Louis’s tiny waist. He placed a kiss on his forehead and brought up Louis’s chin with his thumb so that he could look into his eyes, “We’re all gonna get through this ok? You, me, and the rest of the boys, we’re gonna make it past this.”

Louis just rested his head on Liam’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around his neck. Liam pressed another kiss to his hair before he stepped back to move towards the door.

“I’ll come back tomorrow ok?” He said, his hand on the knob.

Louis shrugged his shoulders and whispered a “yeah” before Liam walked through and left him alone in the empty apartment.

Tears threatened to fall from his eyes but he did his best to keep them back as he made his way to the bathroom. Louis locked the door even though he was the only one in the house and fished out his razor from the sink cabinet. He slid down his pants and ran a cool finger over the soft skin of his inner thigh before he brought down the razor to mark an angry line into his skin. He could feel his chest loosening and he cut into the pale skin again. He made a third dash before he grabbed a towel to sop at the mess he’d made on his leg.

When he’d finished cleaning up, he dug back into the drug cabinet and pulled out the Xanax. He popped a pill and shut the cabinet door. He stared at his reflection in the mirror for a moment as he pulled up his shirt and ran a hand over his stomach. It was starting to concave but he only saw rolls and fat spillage. He shut off the bathroom light and threw himself into the bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> March is gonna be pretty hectic so I'm probably gonna be limited to only updating once a week but the chapters will be longer.  
> Niall will officially be in the next update (I know I keep saying that he'll show up but then he doesn't but I mean it this time) and I think you guys will like his official entrance ;)
> 
> Anyways next update should be Wednesday (Thursday at the latest)


	10. Never Gonna Leave This Bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Never Gonna Leave This Bed (Acoustic) by Maroon 5

Nick’s alarm woke Harry up the next morning. Nick moved to turn it off but Harry just nuzzled into his neck closer. “Don’t go,” he said, hugging Nick tighter.

“Sorry babe, work’s calling,” Nick said, rubbing Harry’s back.

“Why can’t we just stay like this forever?” Harry whined.

“Because we need to live.”

Harry pouted and rubbed his hair on Nick’s chest.

“You need to apologize to them today,” Nick said.

“For what? They started it,” Harry whined again.

“Because you attacked them and then walked out. I know they aren’t very fond of me but they’re still your other best mates and you need to be nice to them.”

“Is it weird that I’m mad about Liam and Lou? I know I shouldn’t be but I can’t help it you know?” Harry said, rubbing at Nick’s stomach.

“It’s because you still love him. You’re still _in love_ with him. You get jealous and you’re still willing to fight for him.”

“Does it bother you?” Harry said, looking into Nick’s eyes.

Nick shrugged, “I want you, but I know that we don’t belong together. I’m glad that you finally found someone that you care this much about, even if it’s not me. You two are good for each other.”

“Well, I doubt he’d still want me after all of this. Why would he choose a stupid kid that fucks everything up when he could have Mr.Perfect?” Harry said, looking back down.

“Because you don’t just forget about someone you love. Love is never easy, Harry. You’re gonna mess up and you’re gonna hurt each other but at the end of the day, your feelings don’t change. You still love each other because for every bad reason you have to walk away, there are hundred good reasons to stay.”

“Wow and all this time I thought you hated Louis,” Harry said, surprised at Nick’s encouraging words.

“He’s not my favorite person, to be honest. But it’s good seeing you work this hard for someone. You and I both know when you want something bad enough, you’ll stop at nothing to get it. Liam will understand, even if it means that he’ll be hurt in the process.”

“I’m just worried that the clique won’t make it, you know. We’ve all been friends for so long, I can’t see my life without them but all this stuff with Louis is driving a wedge through all of our friendships.”

“Haven’t you guys all hooked up with each other anyways?” Nick asked.

“But this is different from horny high school boys kissing at kickbacks,” Harry explained.

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you,” Nick said getting off of the bed, “but I have to get ready for work. We’ll talk later ok?” He said, leaning over to kiss Harry.

Harry draped his arm around Nick’s neck and pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss. When Nick started to pull away, Harry gripped onto his lip with his teeth.

“Go back to sleep,” Nick said, walking into the bathroom and Harry did just that.

 

***

Harry got back to Zayn’s flat around noonish and the kitchen was surprisingly empty. He’d thought Niall would be fixing himself something to eat and watching the telly by now but he was nowhere to  be found. His room was empty, too. He walked past Zayn’s door and heard moans. Harry chuckled to himself as he walked back to the kitchen and fixed himself some lunch.

He didn’t have to wait long before he found out who Zayn had been making scream because a short time later, Niall and Zayn walked out of the room, Zayn still pressed against Niall’s back. He was whispering dirty things into Niall’s ear, which made the blonde blush and giggle and smack at his ass. Niall hitting him only encouraged Zayn to nibble on his ear, making Niall moan again.

Harry cleared his throat to let them know he was in the room.

“Hey Haz!” Niall yelled, breaking away from Zayn’s embrace to hug Harry.

“Nialler!” Harry yelled back. “Sorry I didn’t stick around last night.”

“Liam and Louis were MIA too, it was just me and Zayn but he filled me in on everything.”

“I can see that,” Harry joked, a smirk spreading on his lips.

“Shutup,” Niall said blushing.

“So how long have you two been . . .?” Harry asked.

“We are so not talking about that right now,” Zayn cut in with a giggle.

“Well I really won’t be able to focus on anything else until I get answers.”

“Not long, really. We made out a couple times when we were fucked up and one day we just ended up going farther,” Niall explained.

“I thought you didn’t mess with boys anymore,” Harry said to Niall.

“Zayn’s the only boy I mess with,” Niall replied, kissing Zayn. Zayn licked his lips and his eyes glimmered while Niall grinned back at him and rubbed his cheek.

“Still in the room, guys,” Harry said, calling back their attention.

 “But going back to the real issue at hand, what the fuck? Why didn’t anyone call and tell me what was going on,” Niall said.

“We didn’t want to worry you with petty drama,” Harry said.

“But I hate being the last to know,” Niall pouted.

“Well you know now.”

“Yeah like a month later. So much happened while I was away.  You have a whole new boyfriend. Liam and Louis are together now. Everything’s completely different,” Niall said.

The three of them spent the rest of the afternoon in the kitchen, talking about Harry and Nick, Liam and Louis, Harry and Louis, Zayn and Niall, and how everyone was having more sex than they would have thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter's actually much shorter than I thought it would be but at least I finally got to write in the Ziall bit.


	11. Gravity in Terms of Space Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gryles have a small kickback at Nick's and Harry meets a surprising friend of Nick's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I strongly suggest that you reread the club scene at the end of chapter 3 before proceeding. Why?  
> 2 words:
> 
> Cade's back.
> 
> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Gravity in Terms of Space Time by Starscream

Nick threw a small kickback at his place the next weekend. It was nothing too wild, just the usual villains that came to the rest of his small gatherings that were reserved for people that he _actually_ liked. Everyone was instructed to bring a dish and alcoholic beverage while Nick provided the space and a bangin’ hookah. He and Harry went out thrift shopping that afternoon and were decked out in their vintagey hipster gear. They could barely keep their hands off of each other long enough to let their guests in.

Fincham was the first to show up, followed by Cara and Rita, and Zayn and Niall. Zayn and Niall weren’t usually on Nick’s list for small gatherings like this but he’d wanted Harry to invite some of his own friends since it was supposed to be _their_ party. They were more than happy to go because they’d been to a few of Nick’s bigger ragers and were well aware of the fact that he knew how to throw down.

 

Once everyone had settled in a bit and gotten through a little small talk, they all sat at Nick’s round table and dove into the dishes they’d all brought accompanied by the wine Harry had picked out. Niall and Zayn brought a plate of meatballs. Cara brought a green bean casserole and Rita brought a loaf of freshly baked bread. They all sat around the table, complementing each other on the tasty creations and talked about frivolous things when the doorbell rang again.

“Who’s that?” Fincham inquired as Nick got up to answer the door.

Nick didn’t reply, only smirked as he walked up and turned the knob.

“Grimmy!” A loud and high pitch voice called from the doorway.

Everyone turned to see who it belonged to and watched as the owner stepped inside and pulled Nick into a hug that was a bit too long for Harry’s comfort.

“Who’s that?” Niall mouthed to Harry. Harry only shrugged and turned back to watch.

The owner of the voice was tall, thin man with long bony limbs that appeared to stretch for days. He was pale and his face was splattered with tiny little freckles. His hair was a blinding platinum blonde but the most stunning part about him was his eyes. They were a piercing blue which reminded Harry of Louis, only these ones were lighter and brighter, almost like they weren’t real. The man’s red, glossy lips and bright eyes shined in contrast to his milky skin and Harry couldn’t help but think that he was probably really good at giving blow jobs from looking at his perfect pout.

“Hi everyone,” the man beamed when him and Nick broke apart.

“I didn’t bring a dish but I did bring shisha and vodka,” he said with the brightest grin.

“This is Cade,” Nick said as he sat back down at the table beside Harry.

“And who are these sexy fellas Nicky?” He said when he spotted Zayn and Niall after he’d put down the bottle.

“They’re _my_ friends,” Harry spoke up. “I’m Harry and that’s Zayn,” Harry motioned to Zayn, “And that’s Niall,” he finished as he motioned to Niall.

“Well it’s a _pleasure_ to meet you, you lovely little twinks,” Cade said with a seductive smirk as he walked over to sit down on the couch.

Zayn and Niall smiled at each other and Harry crinkled his nose a bit at Nick. Nick gave him a weak smile and went back to eating his food. Cade fumbled around in the living room, setting up the hookah before he moved back into the kitchen to survey the drinks that everyone had brought.

He made small comments to himself like, “hmm,” and “good choice,” as he tried to decide which bottle he wanted to open first. When he finally picked one, he made a row of eight shot glasses and filled each one up.

“Having fun there Bartender?” Nick called to him from the table.

“I don’t get why you eat before you drink. You’d get drunk much faster on an empty stomach,” Cade said before downing a shot.

“We can’t all live on cocaine and alcohol diets Cadey.”

“Touche,” Cade said as he downed yet another shot.

“I think I like him,” Niall whispered to Zayn with a smile and lick of his lips.

Harry heard and kicked him under the table, irritated by Cade’s effect on his friend. There was just something about him that annoyed the fuck out of Harry.

“Well we can’t let him drink everything alone,” Niall said as he got up from the table and picked up one of the shot glasses.

Zayn followed him from the table and also took a shot. Everyone else got up from the table and started taking shots and filling up solo cups as well.

“Shots! Shots for everyone!” Cade screamed.

Nick pulled some jello shots and vodka soaked gummies from the fridge and laid them out on the island.

 

 

 

Soon enough everyone’s words were slurring and their movements were less calculated. Somewhere along the lines, Nick had cranked up the volume of the music and everyone had made their way into the living room where they danced on each other and were a large sweaty clump that reeked of booze. Rita and Cara were laying all over each other, making out on the couch. Cade danced on Zayn who was dancing on Niall and they were all grabbing at each other and kissing each other.  Fincham, Harry, and Nick sat around on the floor, smoking the hookah. Fincham was a bit tipsy but it wasn’t enough to make watching everyone kiss bearable.

“I think I’m gonna head out soon,” he’d said to Nick who was busy sucking a deep bruise into Harry’s neck.

“Oh Finchy, don’t be a party pooper,” Nick whined, leaning over to grab Fincham’s hand.

“It looks like this party is gonna turn into a massive orgy in about 3 more shots and I don’t wanna be a cockblock,” Fincham said with a small smile as he got up.

Nick laughed so hard that he fell over on the ground which made Harry laugh too.

“Ok, ok. Can I have everyone’s attention,” Nick said as he stood up.

Everyone continued to make out until Nick yelled “Listen here you little fucks!”

“Finchy here is getting bored of everyone just sitting around making out with their dates so he has proposed that we make it intresting.”

“No, I didn’t,” Fincham tried to correct.

“We’re all going to make out with each other!” Nick beamed, ignoring him.

“Sounds slutty,” Rita said with a grin.

“It’ll be structured of course,” Nick said, returning the grin as he walked into the kitchen only to return with one of the empty vodka bottles.

“We’re playing Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

Everyone looked around at each other and shrugged as they moved from their spots to sit on the floor in a circle.

“Wanna go first?” Nick said to Fincham. “I mean, this was your idea.”

“This was so not my idea,” Fincham said with an eye roll.

Nick rolled his eyes back and turned to the rest of the group, “Who would like to do the honors then?”

“I’d love to,” Cade beamed, taking the bottle from Nick.

He spun it around and looked around the circle deviously as everyone else watched the bottle spin. It landed on Harry.

Nick groaned and Harry took in a sharp breath.

“Ready to play?” Cade said, with a lick of his lips.

 He grabbed Harry’s hand and dragged him into Nick’s guest room.

 

 

Harry looked at Cade nervously as he sat on the bed.

“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Cade said with a chuckle.

“I’m not gonna attack you.”

“Ok,” Harry said in a relieved breath.

“By the way Nick looked when the bottle landed on you, I think he’d be relieved too. He’s probably shitting his pants right now,” Cade laughed again.

“Probably,” Harry said in a small chuckle.

“What’s the deal with you guys anyway? I’ve seen how he is when he wants to fuck someone but he’s different with you. Still all over you but possessive too.”

Harry pondered over possible answers, “We’re dating kinda, I guess.”

“Well lucky him,” Cade said with a pat to Harry’s back, “You’re really pretty.”

“Thanks.”

Cade smiled at him and Harry looked around the room.

“How do you know him? I haven’t  been to any of his big parties recently so I don’t really know who he’s been hanging with lately,” Harry said, calling back Cade’s attention.

“We met at a fashion show a couple months back and I took him back to my hotel room. We’ve hooked up a few times but we don’t really do much other than that.”

“Hmm,” Harry said a bit uncomfortable.

“Don’t worry, I won’t go after him,” Cade said assuredly. “My lifestyle’s way too wild for him to handle.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m a model. Which means constant coming and going. Nothing is stable in my life so I compensate with boys and drugs. Sometimes, I think about how nice it would be to have a cute boyfriend to come home to but then I think “nahhh”. I’m young, dumb and full of cum. I’m only 21, I have the rest of my life to find someone to settle down with and be a domestic bottom for.”

“Well at least you know about yourself.”

“Hardly,” Cade scoffed. “I work in a business that drives its workers to be bulimic, coke addicted sluts that sleep their way into getting gigs.”

“Then why do it?”

“Because I’m not good at anything else. I’m pretty, that’s it. That’s all I’m good for. I’m not smart. I hated school as a kid so I skipped out on college and ran off to start a modeling career in the US.”

“What brought you back here?”

“The UK is my home. Don’t get me wrong I love the United States but all I had there was the drugs and an empty hotel room. I figured if I came back to London, I’d at least have my friends and family. But when I got back everyone felt like I’d abandoned them and grown too big while I was gone so they kind of shunned me. So basically, no matter where I went, I was gonna be alone.”

“Wow,” Harry sighed. This was a pretty personal conversation to have with someone he’d known for less than five hours but he assumed that it was just all of the intoxicants making Cade’s mouth move.

“Not to worry though. The coke lifts my spirits well enough,” Cade said, the big grin returning to his face.

There was a knock at the door then. Nick peeped his head in, “You guys alright in here? Need anything? A condom? Some snacks?”

“We’re fine Nick,” Harry said with a reassuring smile.

“Well you’re times up.”

“Has it really been seven minutes?” Cade asked.

“It’s actually been five but little Finchy is getting impatient again,” Nick said with an eye roll as he walked over and grabbed Harry’s hand to lead him back to the group.

“I hope you didn’t do anything you wouldn’t do in front of me,” Nick whispered in his ear.

“There’s not much that I wouldn’t do in front of you,” Harry whispered back before he took his spot in the circle.

 

 

They carried on with the game for a few more rounds. Nick and Fincham got paired up next, followed by Rita and Niall, and Cara and Zayn. After the fourth round, all of the original couples were just making out again and Fincham decided he’d had enough and left.

Rita and Cara made out on the floor until they fell asleep on top of each other. Zayn , Niall, and Cade locked themselves in the guest room and moans escaped soon after.

With all of their guests busy, Harry and Nick decided that it was a good enough time to cap the night and made their way to Nick’s room.

Nick threw himself down on the bed, exhausted, and watched as Harry stripped down.

“Did you have a good time tonight,” Nick whispered, cuddling up behind Harry once he’d gotten in bed.

“It was nice,” Harry said turning to him.

“My friends love you.”

“Fincham didn’t seem to lovey,” Harry said with a small chuckle.

“He was probably a bit jealous seeing me with you.”

“Lil Finchy’s got a crush huh?” Harry said smiling, as he turned to look at Nick.

Nick smiled and kissed him, “Lil bit.”

“Don’t go trying to make _me_ jealous,” Harry said.

“You’ve already got the green eyes,” Nick joked, “And I saw how you were when Cade got here earlier.”

Harry tensed up a bit.

“How was your seven minutes in Heaven by the way? Did you get a quick hand job?” Nick inquired.

“We talked actually. He has a lot more going on in him than I would have thought,” Harry answered.

“You’re right, he does have a lot going on in him. I’d imagine it’s probably your two friends at the moment,” Nick quipped.

Harry laughed and pushed at his chest before kissing him until they fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the hiatus is over guys! I'm on spring break next week so expect another update in the near future.


	12. Over My Head (Cable Car)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couples just chillin around
> 
> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Over My Head (Cable Car) by The Fray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy filler before the angst

Niall suggested that they all go for a boys’ night out the next weekend.

Liam was at Louis’s flat (their new usual thing) and they were having a movie marathon when he got the call. Louis was lying on top of him but Liam broke away so that he could step into the kitchen, not wanting to disturb Louis’s movie watching.

“Hey Li,” Niall said cheerily.

“Hey Niall,” Liam replied, less cheery and a bit tired.

“How’ve you been man? I still haven’t seen you since I got back.”

“I’ve been ok,” Liam said starting to walk around the kitchen. “Sorry about that, about us not hanging out yet. It’s not that I don’t want to, I’ve just been busy is all.” Liam knew that he was kind of lying. He hadn’t been busy and he didn’t really know if he wanted to hang out with Niall. It wasn’t that he didn’t like him anymore, but after what Louis said the night he came back, about their clique being divided, Liam just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was right. He just felt uncomfortable about the thought of hanging with _the other side._ So when Niall proposed the idea of them going out to the pub tomorrow night, he was a bit apprehensive.

“Uhh,” Liam started.

“Come on, Liam. I miss you guys,” Niall whined.

“I just- I don’t know if it’s a good idea,” Liam said. “I’ll see if Lou’s up for it, okay?”

“Whatever,” Niall said a bit icily. He didn’t mean for it to come out with such a bite but he was growing a bit tired of everyone’s bullshit. “Just let me know what you guys decide.”

“Ok,” Liam sighed, before hanging up.

He walked back into the living room and sat back down on the couch beside Louis, pushing his hands through his hair.

“Who was that,” Louis asked bored, his eyes not leaving the telly.

“Niall”

“What’d he want?”

“He wants us to go to the pub with him and the boys tomorrow night.”

That got Louis’s attention. He sprang up and looked at Liam, unable to hide the anxiety on his face.

“What’d you say?”

“I told him I’d ask you first then get back to him.”

Louis sighed then relaxed and leaned back into the couch, letting his head rest on Liam’s shoulder as he played with their hands.

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Liam said after a while.

Louis only let out another low sigh and sank down to rest his head on Liam’s lap.

Liam smiled down at him and leaned to kiss him.

Louis draped an arm around his neck to pull him down a little further and they kissed lazily for a while.

 

***

“What’d they say?” Zayn asked when Niall got off the phone.

“Liam didn’t really give me much of an answer, just said he’d ask Lou and get back to me.” Niall said, a bit down.

“Hey it’s okay,” Zayn assured as he walked closer to Niall. He put his thumb under his chin to pick up his head and pecked him. “We can have a good time with or without them.” He stepped in closer and hooked his fingers through Niall’s belt loops and kissed him again.

“Why can’t things just be good again,” Niall mumbled, his voice soft because anything louder would have made it break.

Zayn gently put their foreheads together and rubbed the small of Niall’s back. “It’s okay,” he whispered.

“No it’s not,” Niall sighed. “Can we just get drunk and then have fluffy sex please.”

“I’d do anything to make you feel better,” Zayn said with a hint of a smile on his face.

 

***

“So I might see _them_ tomorrow,” Harry said casually as he and Nick sat around the table eating Chinese takeout.

“Are you gonna apologize?” Nick asked.

“No,” Harry chuckled.

“Harry,” Nick said sternly.

“Ok,” Harry sighed, “I don’t know maybe I’ll think about it.”

“How do you plan on getting him back with that kind of attitude?”

“I don’t even know if it’s worth it at this point. I love him but- I like being with you. It’s fun with you. There’s no stress, no fighting.”

“Ok, it’s easy being with me, yeah. But you know deep down that I’m not who you should be with.”

“Nick,” Harry whined. “Why do you always have to make me think?”

“Because I don’t want you to ruin your life, Styles.”

“Well what happens to you after all of this? In the event that Louis and I do get back together, what happens to you?”

“I’ll put a lock on Finchy,” Nick smirked.

Harry smiled at him and leaned in for a kiss.

“Thanks for being so great about all of this. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you,” Harry said when they broke apart.

“Well you wouldn’t have gotten into this situation without me actually,” Nick laughed.

“Well despite the mess it caused, I’m happy we fucked on my birthday. If I was gonna be a dumb twat and fuck up my relationship for anyone, I’m glad it was for you.”

“That makes me feel so honored. Thank you Harold.”

“You’re welcome Nicholas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be posted Friday.


	13. SRXT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> SRXT by Bloc Party

No one really went into the reunion expecting things to go over smoothly.

 

Liam and Louis had ultimately decided that they’d been hiding from the others long enough. They’d realized that they were alienating Niall for things that were out of his control and felt awful because he really was just trying to be a good friend to everyone. They were all still _his_ best friends even if they weren’t each other’s anymore.  So with that, they agreed to go to the pub.

Zayn casually let Harry know that they were confirmed when he was getting ready that evening. He made him promise that he wouldn’t cause a scene like he did last time and Harry agreed. He even said that he’d apologize which kind of shocked Zayn but he only nodded and left to get himself ready.

***

Niall, Zayn, and Harry had been waiting around at a table in the pub for nearly 20 minutes when Niall started to get antsy. Zayn and Harry were a bit annoyed as well, but were calm for the most part since they’d smoked before leaving the house.

“They’re not coming,” Niall said taking a frustrated sip of his second beer.

Zayn scooted closer to him and put a hand on his thigh. “What’d I tell you yesterday? We don’t need them to have a good time. Team Party Boys can have fun all by ourselves, right?” He moved in to kiss him which earned a scorn from Harry.

“Look who finally decided to show up,” Harry grumbled sarcastically as he jutted his chin in the direction of Liam and Louis who were now walking in.

Zayn and Niall broke apart to turn around and look. “Over here!” Niall called.

He rushed out of his seat to hug Louis and then Liam, “I’m so glad you guys came. I was starting to think that you wouldn’t show.”

“How much have you had already?” Louis giggled at his exaggerated enthusiasm.

“Only enough to make me forgive you two arses for making me wait so long.  Now sit and drink,” Niall said as he motioned to the two chairs across from the booth Harry and Zayn were sitting in. He took the seat at the head of the table.

The boys mumbled awkward hellos to each other and the tension felt uncomfortably thick.

“So how’ve you been,” Niall asked to Liam and Louis as a collective when they started sipping at their beers.

“We’ve been okay,” Liam answered for them. He rubbed at Louis’s thigh under the table and Harry started at them while Zayn stared at Niall.

“How’ve you been?” Liam asked back. “How was Ireland?”

“It was great. I didn’t realize just how much I missed being home until I got there. I ate a lot and partied a lot. It was a fucking paradise.”

Liam, Louis, and Niall all made small talk while Zayn and Harry sat on and watched. They’d whisper to each other and giggle occasionally until Niall asked them what the hell was so funny.

“Just that this is so fucking stupid,” Harry laughed.

“What is?” Niall asked.

“Us sitting here pretending nothing’s happened,” Harry burst out again, falling into another fit of laughter.

Niall frowned at him and Zayn giggled.

As if things couldn’t have gotten any more uncomfortable, Cade walked into the pub with a group of pixie girls. They were all small and pretty and thin and giggled in unison. Cade heard Harry’s loud laugh from the front of the pub and saw him and Zayn. Zayn smiled at him and said something to Niall which made him turn around and grin at Cade as well. He waved, inviting Cade over.

“Hi, pretty boys,” Cade beamed. His eyes were low and his grin was wide. Harry assumed that he was probably high but he was high too so he couldn’t judge.

Louis was a bit confused at first, but then it registered to him who exactly was at his table right now and it made him shift uncomfortably in his seat.

“And who are these dolls?” Cade inquired, turning to look at Liam and Louis.

“Wait, I know this one!” He proclaimed when he recognized Louis.

Louis gave him a weak smile.

“How?” Harry cut in inquisitively.

“We met at Karma like 2 months ago. I usually don’t remember little flings, but this one was really pretty. A good dancer too.”

“Wow that is _so_ crazy that you guys know each other,” Harry sneered.

“I was just gonna say the same thing,” Cade smiled at Louis again.

Louis remained quiet, too scared to talk.

“How’ve you been? Still single I hope.” Cade tried.

“Unfortunately not,” Liam chimed in.

“Aww. Well at least you’re a cute couple,” Cade offered.

“You don’t have to whore yourself out back there Cadey! Shots are on the house!” One of the pixies called from the front of the pub.

“Well have a good time guys,” Cade said before walking back to his group.

“God I love him,” Niall practically drooled as he watched Cade saunter away to the front.

“I’m sitting right here,” Zayn broke in jealously.

Louis excused himself to the bathroom. Liam was about to follow but Harry got up instead and told him to stay, that it was something _they_ should discuss. Liam sat back down, a bit confused but then he relaxed and sipped at his beer again.

 

Harry walked in to find Louis retching in the toilet. “You ok?” He called through the stall door.

“Go away,” Louis cried.

“I’m just trying to make sure that you’re okay.”

“You don’t care.”

“Yes I do.”

Louis rolled his eyes even though Harry couldn’t see him.

Harry opened the bathroom door then closed it again, trying to make Louis think that he’d left. Louis came out a couple moments later.

“God,” he said, startled at how close Harry was standing to the stall door. “You know how much I hate when you do that.”

“Can’t believe you fell for it,” Harry smirked.

Louis stepped away from him, trying to put distance in between them.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Louis whispered, looking at Harry in the mirror.

“I’m not trying to do anything, Lou. I just wanted to make sure that you were alright.”

“No. You wanted to get me alone when you knew I was vulnerable so you could try to pull something.”

“I’m not trying to rape you Louis, calm down.”

“No, you’re trying to fuck with my head. You knew why I came in here.”

“That was him wasn’t it?” Harry asked, taking a step closer to him.

Louis bit his lip and looked down, confirming Harry’s suspicions.

“At least he’s pretty,” Harry offered.

“How do you guys even know him?” Louis pondered.

“He’s one of Nick’s friends. We met him at a party last weekend.”

“God.  You’re with him now aren’t you?” Louis asked. He knew that he was only hurting himself but he lowkey wanted the pain.

“Kinda. We’re not exclusive.”

“Sounds perfect for you. You can sleep with whoever you want and still have someone to go back to at the end of the night,” Louis murmered.

“It wasn’t my idea,” Harry said defensively.

“Oh so Nick wanted to slut it up now too huh?” Louis sneered.

“No, he wanted us to be able to keep our options open.”

“Well isn’t that just dandy,” Louis rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, he could never get past thinking that I was still in love with you,” Harry stepped closer.

Louis scrunched his eyebrows at him in fear and confusion.

“Thing is,” Harry took one last step towards him to fill in the gap, “He’s right.”

He bent down and kissed Louis. Louis fell into the kiss . . .

 

. . . For a moment but then he shoved Harry away.

“God! You are such a fucking asshole!” Louis screamed. “I knew you came in here to fuck with me.”

“Admit it. Admit that Prince Charming isn’t doing it for you,” Harry said, wiping his lip.

“He’s nice to me. He’d never hurt me the way that you did. Why can’t you just let us be happy?” Louis pleaded.

Harry went silent and looked down in shame. He’d been trying to avoid this feeling since it all started and despite his attempts to run away from it, it had finally caught up with him.

“I love you,” he sniffed. “I love you so fucking much. What I did to you was horrible. Sleeping with Nick the first time, breaking up with you, getting together with him, fighting you and Li. It was all fucked up but I was scared and I didn’t know what else to do. Things with you were just getting so hard and then my birthday came and you chose Stan over me and I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore. With you making me feel like I wasn’t good enough.”

Louis rolled his eyes and scoffed, “Here you go blaming me for all of this again.”

“Let me finish. Nick has been with me since year 10 Louis, _year 10._ I slept with him that night because he deserved it. Because he’d put up with my bitching and complaining every time something happened between us. He loved me and he never got his chance so I gave it to him because he earned it and you know what he did? He turned around and told me that I should go back to you. Not because he didn’t love me anymore or because things weren’t working, but because he knew deep down that what we were doing wasn’t right.”

“So I’m just supposed to drop everything and run back to you because your mistress felt guilty and sent you back? No.”

“You were my first real relationship, Louis. I had no idea what love really was before you. I threw it around as a way to get sex but you turned it in to something that actually mattered. _You_ actually mattered to me. You still do.”

“You’re high Harry. You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re gonna take this all back tomorrow morning when you’re lying in bed with Nick and you sober up and realize what an arse you made of yourself.”

 “If you can honestly look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t love me anymore and that you belong with Liam, then I’ll leave you alone, ‘let you be happy’. But you should at least let him know that you’re hurting yourself again.”

“Don’t,” Louis warned.

“I know what you were doing before I came in here, Lou.”

“Stop,” he warned again, louder this time.

“And I see the way you bruise your arm with that band when I’m around. He thinks it’s coping but I know that you’re really stalling.”

“Stop it, Harry,” Louis tried to warn again but his voice broke and the tears were dangerously close to falling.

“Just come back to me,” Harry said closing in the space between them again.

The tears came hot and fast down Louis’s face and he let out a tiny whimper as he shook his head. He pushed Harry away softly but Harry didn’t fight it, he just let Louis leave.

Louis walked straight out of the pub but Harry stayed in the bathroom. He looked at his reflection in the mirror with disappointment and grew angry. He punched the brick wall so hard he thought he’d broken his hand but he didn’t care because he was high and he felt like he deserved it.

He eventually left the bathroom to tell the boys goodnight but they’d all gotten pretty drunk in the time that he and Louis were gone. Liam however managed to ask where Louis was.

“He left but you should probably leave him be for the night because you’re drunk and he’s not going to be very nice.”

“Oh,” Liam recoiled.

“Night boys,” Harry sighed and he left the pub. 

 

He went back to Zayn and Niall’s even though he’d been sleeping over at Nick’s for the past three weeks because he couldn’t handle being loved or talked to at the moment. He smoked another bowl alone in the darkness then fell  asleep on the couch. 


	14. You'll Find A Way to Be Next to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Black and Gold by Sam Sparro (For Lilo at the beginning)
> 
> You'll Find a Way (Switch and Sinden Remix) by Santigold (For the end scene with Harry at Ziall's)

Louis woke up the next morning to the sound of someone clinking cups in his kitchen. He threw on some clothes from the floor, quickly brushed his teeth and rinsed his face, and walked out to find Liam putting a pot of water on the stove.

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up.” Liam apologized.

“No, it’s fine. You didn’t wake me up,” Louis said with a wave of the hand as he walked over to kiss Liam.

“I hope you don’t mind me just barging in here like this. I wanted to come make sure you were ok.”

“I don’t mind. I like waking up to you making me tea,” Louis smiled at him.

“I like making you tea,” Liam smiled back.

Once their tea was made, Liam brought the two mugs into the living room; where Louis was sitting on the couch. He rested the mugs on the coffee table as he took his spot on the couch and Louis crawled to curl under his arm as he grabbed one of the mugs.

“Tastes stellar as usual,” Louis said smiling up at him. They just couldn’t help but beam at each other’s presence. They made each other so happy.

“Thanks babe. Um,” Liam rubbed at his neck, “Can I ask you something.”

“Sure, anything.”

“What happened last night? With Harry. You guys were gone an awful long time and then you never came back.”

Louis clenched his jaw and Liam noticed because he was watching him.

“It’s okay if something happened. I won’t be mad, just tell me,” Liam told him.

Louis leaned to set his mug down and scooted to sit cross-legged opposite Liam.

“We didn’t mess around or anything like that if that’s what you’re wondering,” Louis avowed.

He swallowed and let out a breath, “But he told me he was still in love with me and then he kissed me.”

“Okay,” Liam nodded.

“But I stopped it as soon as I realized what was happening. I’m really sorry, Li,” Louis admitted, looking down.

His fringe fell in front of his eyes and Liam’s heart melted at how adorable he was.

“It’s okay, Lou. Honest,” he said leaning over to pull Louis back under his arm.

“You’re not mad?”

“Not at you,” Liam assured him, pushing his hair back. He loved playing with Louis’s hair.

“Well good,” Louis said before taking a sip from his mug

“How do you feel about all of this?” Liam asked.

“I don’t know,” Louis sighed, “It was just weird you know; how he can go from cheating on me and getting a new boyfriend, to claiming his love for me in a public bathroom. But what else can you expect from a teenager?”

“He’s not a teenager anymore,” Liam corrected.

“He still acts like one.”

“Well he shouldn’t.”

“I’m starting to think you’re a bit bothered by this whole thing, Li,” Louis smirked.

Liam only sighed and shook his head, “It’s your call, what you do with him. I’ll still love you all the same no matter what you choose to do.”

“Aww Leeyum,” Louis purred, leaning in to kiss him.

“And I mean that,” Liam said when they broke apart, “That I love you. And I’m not just saying it because I want you to choose me over Harry, I’m saying it because I love you and I want to see you happy.”

“Liam,” Louis whispered breathlessly. He wanted to say it back but would he really mean it? Harry had really gotten into his head the night before and if he really did love Liam he’d be able to tell him the whole truth of what was going on with him. Unfortunately though, he couldn’t.

Louis gave him a weak smile and Liam kissed his forehead and got up.

“Well I’m glad that you’re ok. I’ll come back for dinner if you want,” Liam said as he walked towards the door.

“Yeah, sure. I’d like that,” Louis said to his back.

 

***

Harry startled Zayn when he walked into the kitchen that morning.

“Jesus! What the hell are you doing here?” Zayn panted, clutching at his chest.

“Oh I didn’t tell you I was crashing here last night?” Harry asked.

“No, you didn’t,” Zayn said, slamming the fridge door shut.

“I’d say sorry, but we’re about even since you and Niall woke me up.”

“When?” Zayn asked curiously.

“First, when you came in, slammed the door and proceeded to dry hump on it. Then, when you went in your room, slammed the door again, and let out a chorus of screams and moans.”

Zayn laughed and licked his lips, “Hmm, funny. I don’t remember that.”

“You guys were pretty drunk last night, even Liam shockingly.”

“And why weren’t you and Louis there with us?” Zayn inquired with a suggestive raise of the eyebrows.

Harry rubbed his neck and sighed.

“You did _not_ hook up,” Zayn said, his eyes bulging.

“No, no. Nothing like that,” Harry assured him.

“Then what?”

“Uh,” Harry chuckled, “Well I kinda told him that I was still in love with him.”

“You _what_?” Zayn practically screamed in shock.

Harry just gave him a weak smile and rubbed at his neck.

“Why! Why do you do these things? If you don’t wanna be our friend anymore why don’t you just say so instead of fucking with everyone?”

“Chill,” Harry soothed.

“You promised you wouldn’t start anything last night!”

“And I didn’t!” Harry exclaimed defensively.

“Oh so this didn’t start shit?”

“First, everyone hates me for being a dick. Now, when I try to make things right, you all still hate me. There’s just no winning.”

“No ok. Apologizing to your best friends that you hurt is making amends. Confessing your love to the guy you cheated on who is now in a relationship with one of your best friends is starting more shit, Styles.”

“Well it’s not like I can take it back.”

Zayn just sighed and rolled his eyes.

“God, why do you have to be such a twat all the time?”

“Oi,” Niall moaned as he walked into the kitchen and grabbed Zayn from behind.

“I just love it when you talk dirty,” he said before he sucked on the shell of his ear.

“Good morning to you too love,” Zayn grinned.

“Good morning to you too Niall,” Harry said, mocking Zayn.

“What is he doing here?” Niall asked as he removed himself from behind Zayn to go get food.

“He slept over,” Zayn answered.

“You _didn’t_ want Nick’s dick for once?”

“Haha, very funny,” Harry rolled his eyes. “I’m on my way to go see him now actually.”

“Oooo,” Niall purred, “We get the house to ourselves.”

“For such gorgeous guys, you’re pretty gross,” Harry scoffed.

“If only you knew,” Niall said with a suggestive raise of the eyebrows.

Harry rolled his eyes and walked to the door.

“When are you coming back?” Zayn called to him.

“I dunno probably sometime tomorrow.”

“Ok well, don’t do anything stupid while you’re gone,” Zayn said sternly before Harry shut the door.

 

Too bad Harry had already schemed up another plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long! I kinda got writer's block and by the time I figured out where I was gonna go with it, I ended up having a lot of other things to attend to haha. But anyways I already have plans layed out for the next few chapters and my track season is over Tuesday so you can expect another update soon.
> 
> And thanks again to everyone who's read and is still reading! Hope you enjoyed it


	15. Don't Go Slow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys asked for Larry
> 
> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Don't Go Slow by Benjamin Francis Leftwich

“What the hell are _you_ doing here?” Louis scoffed when he opened his door to find Harry standing in the hall.

“Come on, Lou. That’s no way to greet a guest,” Harry sneered.

“Fuck you,” Louis said as he started to close the door but Harry wedged his foot in.

“Wait, I came to apologize,” Harry pleaded.

“Piss off, Harry.”

“I mean it, Lou.”

Louis sighed as he rolled his eyes and opened the door, “You have two minutes.”

“Can I come in?” Harry asked.

Louis clenched his jaw and sighed but eventually moved from the doorway to let Harry in. He watched as he waltzed into the living room and plopped down on the couch as if nothing had changed. He took a seat on the other couch, opposite Harry.

“You don’t have to sit so far away, you know. Nick doesn’t have any cooties,” Harry teased.

Louis rolled his eyes, “I’m fine with where I am, thanks.”

“Ok well anyways, I’m sorry about last night. I pushed it too far. You’re with Liam now and I’ll just have to respect whether I want to or not.”

“Ok,” Louis nodded awkwardly, “Well thanks, for that.”

Harry let out a breath which Louis knew meant that there was more that he wasn’t saying.

“What,” Louis said eventually.

“It’s just- I meant it all, everything I said last night. I know you think it was the drugs talking but it wasn’t. I meant every word.”

“Please don’t do this again,” Louis whispered.

Harry clenched his jaw the way he knew would drive Louis wild and ran a hand through his hair. Louis took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he leaned his head back against the couch.

“I miss you,” Harry started. “I miss holding you, kissing you. I miss us.”

Louis licked his lips and shook his head. Was this really happening right now?

“And I didn’t go to Nick’s last night either by the way,” Harry continued. “I stayed at Zayn’s.”

“Why?”

“It didn’t feel right, saying all those things to you then going back to Nick.”

Louis drew in a shaky breath as he moved to sit on the other couch beside Harry. He caressed his cheek and Harry asked what he was doing.

“I’m making sure that this is real, that I’m not just hallucinating or asleep,” Louis said, staring into Harry’s eyes.

“I’m right here baby,” Harry whispered.

Louis sighed again as he leaned in to press a kiss on Harry’s lips. Harry returned the kiss and placed a big hand over Louis’s tiny one on his cheek. They kissed passionately, communicating the longing that they’d felt for each other since the start of the split.

Louis gently nudged Harry to lean back on the couch and climbed on top of him, their lips staying connected through the entire process. Harry’s shirt rucked up a little, exposing his lower abs and Louis ran a hand over them before he reached for Harry’s belt.

Harry assisted in getting his pants off and soon enough they were both naked, rubbing their cocks against each other’s on the couch while they kissed fervently.

“I can’t hold out anymore,” Louis whimpered.

Harry smirked and moved from underneath him to retrieve a bottle of lube from the kitchen drawer. He slicked up his fingers as he walked back over to kneel behind Louis who had has ass up in the air.

Harry slowly crept his fingers inside and curled to scratch at Louis’s prostate while Louis rubbed at his cock. It was only a matter of moments before Louis was moaning and groaning and pushing back onto Harry’s fingers, begging for more.

Harry let out a small chuckle and ran his tongue slowly against Louis’s hole which earned a moan.

“Stop teasing me, Harry. Get on with it,” Louis whined.

“Prince Charming hasn’t been fucking you right? I’ve never seen you so needy.”

“No talking. Just fuck me,” Louis commanded.

And with that Harry put on a condom and slicked himself up. He brushed his cock along Louis’s entrance and Louis pushed back onto him, greedy for more. He slowly pushed the tip in and they both moaned in unison. Louis hadn’t been fucked since they broke up and Harry bottomed for Nick so the pleasure was magnified.

Harry started out slow, taking as long as possible to feel every inch of Louis. Then he picked up the pace, throwing his back into every hit. He alternated the pace, leaving Louis in a mess of screams, sweat, and moans until he came.

When he’d gathered enough of composer, he flipped Louis over and bent back down on his knees, swatting Louis’s hand from its position on his cock. He trailed his tongue up his erection then sucked into his mouth.

“Harry,” Louis moaned again as the other lubed up his hand and pumped his cock. He moaned his name over and over while he played in Harry’s curls. For a moment Harry looked up to watch Louis’s face and they made sultry eye contact. Harry looked so slutty with his cheeks hollowed out and his mouth full of Louis while Louis was a hot and bothered mess. The eye contact pushed Louis over the edge and he came in Harry’s mouth. Harry made a show of swallowing it before he sat down beside Louis and gave him a final kiss.

When they broke apart, Louis started laughing and Harry asked him what the hell was so funny.

“Why do we do this to ourselves?” Louis asked.

“Do what?” Harry asked back blankly.

“We get to a point where we can be happy then we go and fuck everything up.”

Harry looked down shamefully.

“Liam told me he loved me this morning,” Louis confessed.

“Ok,” Harry said, a bit wounded, “Did you say it back.”

Louis let out a breath, “I can’t. I _do_ love him but-“

“Not like that,” Harry finished for him. He couldn’t help but be a little joyful inside.

“He’s good for me. He’s nice and he takes care of me. And he tells me he loves me and I go and sleep with you.”

“You’re scared, it’s normal Louis,” Harry comforted him as he ran a finger down his arm. He stopped when he felt a scab and noticed the uncovered lines marking up Louis’s arms and thighs. He’d been too blinded by lust to notice before but now that his mind was clear, he could see what Louis had been hiding.

Louis quickly retracted his arm and folded himself so that he was hugging his knees.

“Was this because of me?” Harry choked.

Louis looked away.

“Oh God, Lou. I’m so sorry.”

“I started taking pills too; blacking out every night. That’s how I met Cade.”

“Louis”

“You really fucked me up, Harry. That’s why I can’t tell Liam I love him because I can’t date someone like that after being with someone like you. Liam is innocent and precious and has this huge, open heart. I don’t wanna be the one to ruin him. I can’t.”

“Liam’s a strong guy, Louis. I don’t know what’ll happen between you guys after this but if he does decide that he still wants to be with you, he can handle it. He just wants the best for all of us.”

“Why did you come back?” Louis asked, “After all of this, why did you come back and say all those things?”

“Because I meant them. Because I miss you. Because I still love you.”

Louis clenched his jaw and tensed up and Harry scooted closer to him, trailing a finger up scarred arm.

“I love every part of you, the good and bad. All of this stuff with Nick and Liam showed me just how much you mean to me and that I never wanna be without you again.”

“Harry,” Louis whispered.

“I’m not trying to pressure you into anything,” Harry said as he got up to dress himself, “I’m just telling you because I don’t want you to think, for even a second, that my feelings changed.”

“Bye Lou,” Harry said as he reached the door.

“Bye Haz,” Louis whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't even know how I feel about this chapter tbh.


	16. Stole You Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this has been sitting in my documents for a week and a half. I planned on adding more but that probably would have taken even more time so I figured I should go ahead and put this up.
> 
>  
> 
> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Stole You Away by Benjamin Francis Leftwich

 

“Hey babe,” Liam greeted as he walked into Louis’s flat that evening with his hands carrying bags of Chinese takeout and his face carrying his huge grin.

“Babe?” Liam asked when Louis didn’t respond.

He put the bags on the counter and walked around to the living room. Louis wasn’t in his usual spot.

He walked through the hall calling Louis’s name and still got no response. He stopped when he got to Louis’s closed bedroom door and knocked softly.

“Louis, it’s me Liam. I brought dinner like I said I would. Are you alright in there?”

Liam still received no response.

“I’m coming in, ok?”

When Liam opened the door, he found Louis wrapped up in his bed sheets, tears rolling down his face.

“Lou? Louis what is it? Why are you crying?” Liam asked as he walked over and sat on the bed beside Louis.

Louis just kept crying. He couldn’t even form words.

“Shh, it’s ok,” Liam cooed as he cradled Louis in his arms and pushed back his hair the way he knew Louis liked.

“It’s not. I did something bad, Li. Worse than last night. I’m so _so_ sorry Liam.”

Liam closed his eye as he shook his head and waited for Louis to eleaborate.

Louis took a deep breath and exhaled shakily.

“He came back . . . this morning . . . and we . . . We had sex. I’m sorry Liam. I’m so sorry.”

Liam licked his lips and bit them which Louis knew meant he was trying hard to hold back.

He nodded as he took a deep breath and let go of Louis. He walked to the door and put a hand on the knob but he couldn’t bring himself  to open it.

“Why?” He whispered. “Why would you choose someone that hurt you so badly over someone who actually loved you and wanted to make you happy?”

“He said things to me in the bathroom last night. Then he came back this morning and said more things. I missed him and I was weak. I’m sorry Liam, I really am.”

“God this is so embarrassing,” Liam choked, “We could’ve done it if that was the problem.  I just thought after everything that had happened, you wouldn’t want to. I didn’t wanna scare you away.”

“It wasn’t just about sex Liam,” Louis confessed and Liam finally turned to look at him again.

“He told me he still loved me and he missed me and that he’d end things with Nick.”

“So I was just your rebound then,” Liam spat.

“No, no Liam. Please just- listen,”

“So was this all just a ploy to make him jealous? Did this mean anything to you? Did _I_ mean anything to you at all?”

“Liam it wasn’t like that at all. I loved you- I still love you-“

“You don’t treat the people you ‘love’ like shit Louis.”

“Liam, please just listen to me.”

“No, Louis. Kissing him last night, I could let go of. Everyone was drunk and emotional. But this, what happened this morning- I was _here_ this morning. I told you I _loved you_ this morning and you went and slept with Harry- your ex, the cause of all of this shit. Do you understand how embarrassing, how hurtful, how completely _fucked up_ that is. After everything I’ve done for you.”

“I’m sorry Liam,” Louis repeated.

“No you’re not. If you were really sorry it wouldn’t have happened.”

“Liam please just understand,” Louis pled.

“What is there for me to understand Louis? That you’re just like Harry, a rotten, selfish twat?”

“He got to me because . . .”

“Because what?” Liam pushed.

“Because he knew that I started hurting myself again.”

“What?” Liam asked and clenched his jaw. “Why didn’t you tell _me_?”

“I didn’t tell him. I didn’t want to tell anyone. He just- _knew_.”

Liam dropped his head as he opened the door. He turned back around and picked it back up to look at Louis again.

“I’m not happy with you right now, so I’m gonna go because I don’t want us to hurt each other anymore than we have already. But I want you to know that I still love you despite the fact that you probably don’t even know what the hell it means to love anymore. You deserve good things. Even if you don’t think you do, you deserve something better, and it’s not Harry.”

“He’s changed Liam,” Louis defended.

 “I hope for your sake that he has. Good luck, Lou.” Liam snarked as he left.


	17. Rooftops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters 14-17 all take place on the same day in case you guys were confused.
> 
> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Rooftops by Melissa McClelland

Zayn and Niall were curled up around each other when a violent pounding started on their door.

They looked at each other confusedly and scared but Zayn got up to answer it.

“Who is it?” He asked before opening the door.

“It’s Liam. Open the door, Zayn.”

Zayn complied and Liam rushed in angrily, thirsting for Harry’s blood.

“Where the fuck is he!” Liam growled.

“Who, Harry?” Zayn asked, still confused as to why Liam was so enraged. Liam hardly ever got upset and when he did, it was never anything like this.

“Yes fucking Harry! Where is he?”

“Calm the fuck down Liam. He’s not here, he left this morning,” Zayn answered.

“Well when the fuck is he coming back?” Liam asked snarkily.

“Stop yelling at him, Liam,” Niall warned as he moved from the couch to stand beside Zayn protectively.

“We don’t know anything,” Niall answered.

“Oh really? So he didn’t tell you guys that he was gonna go and fuck Louis this morning?” Liam snarked.

“What?” Niall and Zayn asked in unison.

“He told us he was going to Nick’s,” Zayn said.

“Well clearly he didn’t. Louis told me he was over there this morning.”

“Oh God,” Zayn sighed as he ran a hand through his hair and took a seat at the table.

“We’re really sorry Li,” Niall apologozied.

“Fuck all of you,” Liam scoffed as he started for the door.

“At least I tried to warn you!” Zayn yelled. “Don’t come into our house screaming and hurling insults because your head was too far up your own ass to listen.”

“ _My_ head was up my ass? If it wasn’t for me, Louis would probably be fucking dead you arsehole. No one gave a shit about him except for me!” Liam countered.

“Come on guys, stop,” Niall whined.

“ _I’m_ the one that called you and told you to check on him that night!” Zayn screamed.

“And you didn’t do shit after that! You and Harry were high off your asses, in your own small brained world doing the only two things you idiots are good for: drugs and fucking,” Liam argued in disgust.

“At least _I_ tried to keep all of us together. You fucking bailed on us the night Niall was supposed to come back!”

“Because you fucking let Harry attack me. And Louis. Admit it Zayn, you don’t fucking care about us. The only reason you ‘tried’ was because you knew Niall couldn’t handle the truth.”

“What truth?” Zayn scoffed.

“That we’ve all fallen apart! We’re not the same clique of friends anymore! Making us go to bars and pretend that we are is just fucking stupid and I’m done with this whole fucking group.”

“Liam,” Niall tried but Liam was already walking out of the door.

 

***

His next stop was Nick’s.

He’d pounded on the door for nearly three minutes before a half naked Nick appeared in the doorway.

“Well hello there, Liam,” He said with a smug smirk.

“Where is he?” Liam demanded.

“Who?” Nick asked, faking confusion.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Nick. I’m not in the fucking mood.”

“No one’s playing any games around here, Liam. I was simply trying to enjoy my evening before you barged in here demanding answers to questions I don’t even know the origin of.”

“I’m going to ask you one more time before I get angry, ok Nick? Where is Harry?” Liam said in a voice as close to calm as he could manage.

“Not here,” Nick smirked.

“Harry, where the _fuck_ are you?” Liam yelled as he pushed past Nick to gain entrance into the house.

“You’re trespassing!” Nick screamed at his back.

Liam followed the path to the only light on in Nick’s house, which was the upstairs bedroom.

“Liam what the fuck are you doing!” A naked Harry shrieked from the bed before Liam started wailing on him.

Nick heard his screams and came running into the room and did his best to pull Liam off of him.

“What the fuck is the matter with you! You need to go now!” Nick yelled at Liam.

“Your slutty boyfriend is what’s the matter with me!” Liam screamed. “Did he mention that he slept with Lou yet or were you guys too busy? You’re fucking disgusting.”

“Liam wait!” Harry called after him as he rushed to cover his bits.

“God, I can’t believe Louis would pick a piece of shit like you over me. Wait till he hears about this,” Liam said as he jogged down the stairs.

“No, Liam. It’s not what it looks like,” Harry begged.

“Oh really? Because to me, it looked like you were banging your dirty mistress right after you told Louis you wanted to work things out with him.”

“I _do_ wanna work things out with Lou. This was break up sex, I swear,” Harry promised.

“You’re pathetic,” Liam spat before he walked out of the door.

 

Harry slumped down on the first step of the stairs and pulled at his hair as the tears started to brim.

“What the hell was that?” Nick asked. “Do you want me to call the police?”

“No,” Harry cried.

“God, what the hell is going on Harry?”

“I’m a fucking asshole! I made Louis start hurting himself again! I made Niall depressed! I made Liam turn into an angry terminator! I fucked up all of my friends, Nick.”

“That’s not your fault, Harry,” Nick attempted to soothe as he rubbed Harry’s back.

“But it _is_ all my fault! If I wouldn’t have cheated on Louis, none of this would have happened. Then I made it all worse by kissing Louis in the bathroom last night and going back over there again this morning.”

“What am I gonna do Nick?” Harry sniffled.

“Maybe just give everyone some space for now. I’d guess from Liam’s little episode, the others wouldn’t be too thrilled to see you either.”

“I’m so fucked,” Harry sobbed into his knees.                                                                                    

 

***

“Liam? Liam?” Niall called as he walked down the hall of Liam’s flat that night. He’d argued with Zayn about whether he should chase after Liam or not; Zayn said that he needed time to calm the fuck down and Niall argued that he needed a friend’s help. Ultimately, he decided that someone needed to be there for Liam and he knew the other boys wouldn’t do it, so it was left up to him. He gave Liam a few hours to calm down before he went to the flat, though.

Back in the hall, Niall received no answer. Liam’s bedroom door was open and he walked in to find the bathroom door left cracked with the shower going inside.

“Liam, it’s me, Niall. Are you alright?” Niall tried.

“Go away,” Liam whimpered in a low, hurt voice.

“Liam, please don’t shut me out. I’m worried, this isn’t you.” Niall said, petting the door.

Liam sniffled inside and let out another small groan.

“Liam, please,” Niall begged.

Liam let out a sob and Niall burst in.

Liam was curled up in the shower, sobbing heavily. There was a bottle of pills on the sink. Niall had to take a second to absorb the scene before he ran over to turn off the shower and wrap a towel around Liam’s shaking shoulders.

“Liam,” Niall whispered. “What is going on?”

“I was thinking about-“ Liam cut himself off. “But I didn’t.”

“How pathetic is that?” Liam laughed. “First, I can’t keep my own boyfriend faithful and then I can’t even go through with killing myself.”

Niall took Liam’s arms and wrapped them around his neck and swung an arm under his knees as he picked the older lad up.

“What are you doing?” Liam asked in a low, hushed voice.

Niall just carried him to his bed and threw the covers over him even though he was still soaking wet.

“I don’t really know how this goes because you’ve always been the dad of the group,” Niall admitted. “But I’ll be here for you or whatever you need.”

Liam gave him a half smile, “Well I’m pretty drunk right now and I’ll probably feel shit tomorrow. Maybe a little coffee in the morning?”

“Ok,” Niall nodded, “What about tonight? Do you need me to sleep over?”

“I’m fine, Niall.”

“No you’re not. You’re drunk and emotional, and I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“It’s ok, Niall. Really,” Liam tried to assure him.

“I’m just worried about you, Li,” Niall said, looking at him like he was a wounded animal.

Liam picked at the fabric of the comforter and Niall watched him carefully.

“I went over to Nick’s,” Liam admitted. “And Harry was there. They had sex, Harry and Nick. They were probably in the middle of having sex before I got there.  I hit Harry and then Nick pulled me off of him and then I left.”

“Okay,” Niall nodded as he gave Liam a weak smile.

“Is Zayn mad at me?” Liam asked.

“He’s not mad. A little hurt and confused yeah, but not mad.”

“Ok,” Liam nodded, “Well I’ve had a really shit day and I just want to go to sleep and forget. You can stay till I fall asleep if that makes you feel better.”

“Is that your drunken- passive aggressive way of throwing me out, Li?” Niall chuckled.

“If that’s how you want to take it,” Liam smiled.

Niall kissed him on the cheek and turned off the bathroom light. He waited around until Liam was deep into sleep before he left and went back to his own flat.

By the time he got home, Zayn was already knocked out. Niall smiled at the image before he hopped into bed and wrapped Zayn’s bronze arm around himself. Zayn immediately molded himself onto Niall’s back.

“I hope we never get as fucked up as them,” Niall whispered.


	18. Freight Train

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Freight Train by Sara Jackson Holman
> 
> Sometimes I just don't even know what to write . . .

Niall went back to Liam’s flat as soon as he woke up the next morning. Fortunately, Zayn was still asleep so he didn’t have to explain everything that was going on just yet. He couldn’t decide if he should bring the coffee to Liam or force Liam out of the house as he drove down to Liam’s flat but he eventually decided to stop at the bakery a couple miles down the road.

When he got to Liam’s flat, he noticed that his car was missing. He couldn’t figure out whether it had been there last night or not but remembered that Liam had been plastered and probably didn’t drive home. He walked up to the door and knocked but received no answer.

“Li?” Niall asked, “It’s me, Niall. I brought coffee like you asked and crepes and scones.”

Still no answer.  He stood outside, shifting his weight on either foot, waiting for Liam to come to the door but he never did. When he’d checked his watch for the third time he decided on opening the door himself with the spare key Liam had given him. The boys all had keys to each other’s apartments in case of emergency (or what they were more often used for, when the apartment owner(s) was too drunk to get into his flat and one of the other boys had to let him in).

The apartment was completely silent inside. He put the bags down on the kitchen counter and proceeded to walk down to Liam’s bedroom. The door was wide open. He walked in to find the bed made with a note lying neatly folded in the center. He checked to see if the bathroom was empty, and it was. He walked back over to the bed, sat, and picked up the note.

 

‘ _Hey Niall,_

_This isn’t a suicide note before you get all flustered. You’re not going to find my corpse hanging anywhere in the flat. You’re not going to find me in the flat, period. I’ve decided that I need to take a bit of a break from everything, clear my head, breathe fresh air. I’m going back home to Wolverhampton for a bit, I don’t know how long for. It might be for just today, it might be a week or a month; I don’t know._

_I would have stayed around for our coffee date to tell you but I knew that you probably wouldn’t have let me leave. I just can’t stay in London anymore. Too much has happened. I can’t even hang around my best buds because I’m so embarrassed._

_Be strong okay, Nialler? This isn’t because of you and there’s nothing you could have done to change how things ended up so don’t go blaming yourself for this._

_If you can, don’t tell any of the boys where I am. I don’t want to see anyone, at least not right now. When I’m ready, I’ll reach out but please don’t come for me. Seeing you guys will only remind me of all the mistakes I’ve made over these past couple months and I don’t want to be reminded._

_Love You Lots,_

_Liam’_

 

 

“Fucking bastard,” Niall cursed to himself. He immediately pulled his phone out of his pocket and tried to ring up Liam, but it went straight to voicemail. He tried again, still no answer. He tried four more times and every time he got no answer.

“Bloody arsehole!” Niall screamed as he went to swing at the punching bag that hung in the center of Liam’s living room. The bag was not welcoming to the blow and left Niall’s hand bruised and swelling.

He picked the bags back up off the counter and slammed the door shut as he left. He sat in the car with his head on the wheel for a while before he drove back to his own flat.

 

***

Zayn greeted him with a welcoming ‘hey babe’ but Niall only responded with a rushed ‘hello’ as he made his way to the kitchen in search of something frozen.

“Where were you?” Zayn asked as he followed Niall into the kitchen and stopped when he saw his battered hand, “And what the hell happened to your hand?”

“I picked up coffee,” Niall answered.

“That happened to you _getting coffee_ ,” Zayn said flatly.

Niall gave him a sheepish grin.

“Niall,” Zayn said sternly.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Niall said as he grabbed a coffee and a scone and escaped to the living room.

Zayn followed him again and shut off the TV. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot as he waited for an explanation.

“What. Happened.” Zayn said.

Niall took a deep breath and exhaled.

“I went to Liam’s last night. He was a wreck, said he’d gotten into it with Harry cause he caught him and Nick together. I was supposed to bring him coffee this morning but he wasn’t there.”

“Well do you know where he is?”

Niall couldn’t decide if he should lie for Liam or tell the truth for Zayn.

He just sighed again and rubbed a hand through his hair as he gnawed on his lip.

“God you look so hot when you do that,” Zayn said as he went over and straddled Niall’s lap, forgetting that he was supposed to be in investigative mode.

He looked down at his hand and scrunched up his eyebrows, “And what happened to your hand again?”

Niall looked away and stammered, “Oh yeah, um, I uh punched his punching bag this morning.”

“Okay,” Zayn said as he rested his head on Niall’s shoulder, “Thanks for being honest with me.”

“Yep,” Niall exhaled. “But Zayn, while we’re being honest, I want to get something off my chest.”

“Okay,” Zayn nodded as he sat up to make eye contact with him.

“I don’t want Harry here anymore,” Niall confessed.

Zayn scrunched up his eyebrows again and slid off his lap and  onto the couch beside him.

“I just- after all that’s happened- how can we trust him?”

“We can’t just kick him out. Where will he go?” Zayn countered.

“Nick’s? Zayn, he’s like a fucking psychopath!”

“Psychopath? That’s a bit dramatic Ni.”

 “Okay, maybe not a full-fledged psychopath but he is basically a pathological liar. I don’t want him rubbing off on us.”

“Niall, we’ve been his best friends for like 3 years. All the rubbing off would have happened by now.”

Niall giggled at the accidental innuendo.

“Shut up. My point is he needs people right now. He’s messed up a lot in the past couple months but we can’t just turn our backs on him.”

“Like he’s turned his back on all of us?” Niall argued.

“Aren’t you the one that’s been pushing to keep all of us together?”

“Yeah, but that was before I realized how fucked up all of you got while I was away. Harry cheated on Louis then jumped in a relationship with Nick only to cheat on Nick with Louis and then cheat on Louis with Nick again. Louis’s a mess again and cheated on Liam with Harry and only God can help us when he finds out about Harry and Nick. And Liam should have never gotten mixed into this mess but now he is and no one seems to care about the fact that he’s completely broken up because we’re all too worried about the slut brigade and their issues.”

“Excuse me, I tried to warn him and he didn’t listen,” Zayn defended.

“Well clearly you didn’t try hard enough,” Niall snarked.

“What, so you’re blaming me now?” Zayn asked as he shot up from the couch.

“No, but I think you should take responsibility for your part in all of this.”

“I was trying my best to keep everyone together for _you_!”

“How? By putting band aids over gunshot wounds and telling everyone to pretend they’re fine. I’m a big boy, Zayn. I could’ve handled the truth.”

Just then Harry opened the flat door and Niall left the living room and locked himself in his room.

Harry looked at Zayn confusedly and Zayn only shook his head as he went to knock on Niall’s door.

“Niall, come on babe. Open the door,” He cooed.

Niall only told him to go away.

Harry grabbed a scone from the bag and flopped down onto the couch.

Zayn walked out to the living room and kicked his legs off of the coffee table.

“Where have you been?” He whisper-yelled.

“I told you I was going over to Nick’s yesterday, Mom,” Harry whispered back.

“Yeah, well apparently that’s not the only pit stop you made yesterday,” Zayn whisper-snarked.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“We know,” Zayn whispered.

“You know?” Harry asked, confused.

“That you lied and went over to Louis’s yesterday.”

Harry crinkled his brows and took a bite of his scone.

“I don’t know what you’re doing but you better start telling the truth because I just had to go to bat for you to not get kicked out of the flat,” Zayn whisper-yelled again.

“By who?”

“Niall.”

“Niall?”

“Niall,” Zayn reaffirmed.

“Well why would he want me out?”

“Because he thinks you’re a fucking pathological liar and I’m starting to agree with him.”

“Who I have sex with is none of you guys’ business,” Harry whisper-defended.

“It is when you’re living under _our_ roof, fucking up _our_ friends.”

“I’m so sick of everyone blaming me for everything.”

“Because this is all _your_ fault.”

“You know what, fuck this. Fuck you, fuck him, fuck it. I’m done trying to make things work with you guys only to have everything thrown back in my face,” Harry said in a cracked voice, leaving whisper mode.

“Harry, wait,” Zayn called.

“No, I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of trying. I’m done,” Harry said as he slammed the door and left the flat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> . . . And then it just comes rushing at me like a freight train.


	19. King of Metropolis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Metropolis by Faded Paper Figures (For the Ziall scene and the scene where Harry first shows up at Louis's)
> 
> King of Anything by Sara Bareilles (For the scene where Louis lays down the rules)

“Zayn? Can I come in babe?” Niall asked outside of Zayn’s door a few hours later.

Zayn only groaned but Niall entered the room anyways. He got into bed and wrapped himself around the older boy.

“I’m sorry about all that stuff I said before,” Niall apologized.

“I know,” Zayn said as he trailed a finger up his arm.

“I know you did everything you could so thank you.”

Zayn turned around to lock eyes with him.

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it and just ran a hand through Niall’s hair instead. He wriggled closer and kissed him. When they broke apart their eyes flickered over one another like they were the most beautiful creation the other had ever seen.

“I told Harry,” Zayn admitted.

“Ok.”

“He wasn’t very happy about it. I wasn’t either.”

“Zayn,” Niall sighed.

“He has no one, Niall. That’s the whole reason that I took him in in the first place.”

Niall rolled his eyes and sighed again.

“Please just consider it, yeah?” Zayn asked with his little puppy dog eyes and a kiss.

“Damn it, Zayn. You know I can’t say no when you do that.”

 

***

Harry drove up to his flat and sat in the car contemplating what he should do.

Zayn and Niall had thrown him out so their place was no longer an option and there was no way he could go back to Nick’s after he’d already broken things off. Liam clearly hated him so there was no way in hell he’d even _consider_ going there. That only left one person, _Louis._

He walked up to the door and paused before ringing the buzzer.

 _“_ Fuck I can’t do this,” He cursed to himself as he turned to walk back to his car.

‘ _But I can’t avoid him forever_ ,’ He’d thought back and turned to face the door again.

He took a giant gulp and rang the buzzer.

“Fuck,” He cursed to himself again.

It took Louis less than a minute to come and open the door.

“Hi,” He said awkwardly drawn out as he opened the door and gazed at the curly haired boy on his doorstep.

“Hi,” Harry sighed with a sheepish smile.

Louis nodded and sucked at his lip, “Soo, is there something ya need?”

“Um,” Harry took a deep breath, “Niall and Zayn kicked me out of the flat and um- I uh- need a place to stay.”

“You couldn’t stay at Nick’s?”

“Uh well I broke it off with him officially last night so I didn’t really think it’d be right for me to go back there.”

“Ok,” Louis nodded, taking it all in.

“If you don’t want me to, I understand. You know what, this was a bad idea. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ll just go,” Harry stammered as he backed away from the door and started to walk back to the car.

Louis watched him for a few moments before he said, “Wait.”

Harry didn’t hear him, too lost in his own self beating for being so stupid so Louis yelled it again, louder this time, “Wait Harry!”

Harry turned around.

“Ok, you can stay. But you’re sleeping on the couch.”

Harry gave him a small grin and Louis nodded once before walking away from the door.

“Thanks,” Harry said as he closed the door. Louis watched him with folded arms and pursed lips.

“What?” Harry asked as he flopped down onto the couch and kicked off his shoes.

“This is only for tonight,” Louis made clear.

“I know,” Harry chirped back.

Louis took a deep breath and sighed again, “Goodnight Harry.”

“Goodnight Lou.”

 

***

 

Harry woke up the next morning to the sound of Louis making tea in the kitchen. He walked in groggily rubbing at his eyes and opened the fridge.

“Harry!” Louis squealed at the sight of the younger boy nude.

“What?” Harry asked with a smirk.

“Put clothes on!”

“ ‘S nothing you haven’t seen before.”

“It’s unsanitary for you to have your dirty bits around my food now go put clothes on.”

 

He came back just as Louis was finishing up the tea. Louis made him a cup and set it down on the breakfast bar and took a seat. Harry sat beside him and they sipped at their tea idly. Harry could feel Louis’s eyes on him and frankly was enjoying the attention.

“So can I crash here again tonight?” Harry asked.

“No,” Louis said immediately.

“But I was a good guest! And I have nowhere else to go.”

“You could stay in a hotel.”

“Hotels are expensive.”

Louis rolled his eyes and sipped at his tea again as he considered the thought.

“I thought we’d made up already,” Harry said.

“That was a mistake.”

Harry sunk back down and went back to drinking his tea.

Louis rolled his eyes again, “That was harsh but you know it’s true. And you know that if I keep letting you stay here, it’s gonna happen again.”

“And would that really be _so_ bad?” Harry asked.

“Yes, it would. I’m not ready to get back in another relationship right now. I need time to just figure everything out.”

“We don’t have to get back together, Louis. I just need a place to stay for right now. I’ll even start looking for my own apartment if that’s what you want.”

Louis thought it over in another sip and leaned back in his chair. He kind of _wanted_ Harry under his nose so he could make sure he wasn’t getting into any trouble. But at the same time, having Harry around drove him crazy because he knew that it was only a matter of time before things would start happening. But then he told himself that maybe he was just overanalyzing the situation.

“Ugh, ok.”

Harry flashed him a bright smile and said ‘thanks’ as he ran a hand up Louis’s bicep.

Louis watched his hand crawl with a pinched look on his face.

“But there are rules. Rule #1: NO flirting with me.”

Harry pouted and removed his hand from Louis’s arm.

“Rule #2: You are a _guest_. You follow _all_ the rules. No questions, no complaints or else you’ll have no home.”

Harry rolled his eyes.

“Rule #3: No sex. With _anyone_. Not me, not Nick, no one night stands.”

Harry rolled his eyes again.

“Are you even listening to me?” Louis asked frustrated.

“Ugh, yes,” Harry whined, “No flirting, no sex, follow the rules. But no promises on rule 1.”

Harry smirked and Louis hit his arm.

“Already breaking rules 1 and 2 and I’m not even done yet. Rule #4:  you stay on _the couch_. You are to stay out of my room and out of my way.”

“Our room,” Harry corrected.

“You don’t live here anymore,” Louis corrected him back.

“But I have stuff in the room.”

“And you have stuff at Zayn and Niall’s, and probably at Nick’s too. You can survive with the stuff you took out before. Do you understand all of the requirements of you staying here?”

“Yes, boss.” Harry snarked.

“Oh and one last rule; no sassing me. I’m the only one that gets to sass,” Louis said as he got up from the counter and made a show of swaying his hips as he sauntered off down the hall to his room.

“Do I have permission to get my stuff from Zayn’s, Master?” Harry called after him.

“Breaking rule 5” Louis called back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaack.
> 
> Sorry my schedule's been kinda crazy lately but I have the basic plans for the next 3 chapters all laid out already so hopefully I'll be able to post them in a decent amount of time.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's still reading! You're feedback is much appreciated!


	20. Electric Feel of the Little Lion Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Electric Feel by MGMT (For the scene with Harry at Ziall's)
> 
> Little Lion Man (End Scene with Louis texting Liam and on the phone with Niall)
> 
> So I tried as best as I could to hold off on posting this until Saturday but I couldn't wait any longer

Harry went to back to Zayn and Niall’s that morning. He spent the whole ride mentally preparing for another argument. He had a feeling Niall would most likely be the one to confront him this time but he was ready. He felt good and prepared this time and had the fact that he and Louis were moving onto better terms under his belt.

As expected, Niall was in the kitchen when Harry walked in. He looked at Harry up and down judgingly and Harry gave him a shy wave in return before moving on to go pack up his stuff.

While he was in the bathroom, he heard Zayn come out of the bedroom and go into the kitchen.

“Hey babe,” Zayn greeted Niall with a kiss and a squeeze of the hips.

“He’s here,” Niall whispered.

“Did you say hi?”

“No.”

“I thought we talked about this,” Zayn said with a sigh as he moved away from him.

“I’ll try harder next time.”

“Hey Zayn, is it okay if I get my stuff from the dresser?” Harry asked as he walked back into the kitchen.

Niall stared at him again and Zayn looked between the two of them for a moment before he snapped out of it and answered.

“Um, you don’t have to go Harry. Niall apologizes and would be glad to have you stay with us,” Zayn said looking directly at the blonde before turning back to Harry. Harry looked to Niall who only gave a half nod and an eye roll.

“Uh that’s ok, I found somewhere else.”

“Really? That’s great!”

“Thanks.”

“Where?” Niall asked, finally acknowledging Harry.

“Uh, my old place,” Harry answered rubbing at the back of his neck.

“You mean with Louis?” Niall inquired.

“Yup, so the dresser?” Harry said, turning back to Zayn.

“Oh so he knows about you and Nick then?” Niall pushed.

“Niall,” Zayn warned.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Harry said.

“I’m talking about how you lied to us and said you were going to Nick’s when you actually went to Lou’s. Then the same night, you went back to Nick’s after you’d already broken up Louis and Liam.”

“It’s none of your business,” Harry said starting to walk away.

“Niall, don’t,” Zayn warned again.

Niall ignored him and walked into Zayn’s room behind Harry.

“If you’re gonna go and steal him from Liam, the least you could do is be honest. The longer you wait to tell him, the more pissed off he’s gonna be when he finds out and it’ll be worse if he doesn’t hear it from you.”

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you aren’t the only person who knows about this and people talk.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“I’m just warning you.”

Harry just gathered the rest of his things in silence then pushed past him and walked out of the door.

“Too far Niall,” Zayn said when Niall walked back into the kitchen.

“Not far enough,” Niall responded as he went back to making his food.

 

***

 

Louis soon came to find that living with Harry while they weren’t together was quite a challenge. Even with the rules in place, Harry still flirted with him every chance he got and insisted on strutting around the house in only his boxers (and occasionally briefs). Whenever he felt Louis’s eyes on him, he’d run a hand through his hair and stretch, then flash a smile with those deep dimples of his. Louis would instantly harden up and bite his lips, literally having to fight the urge to pounce on Harry and tear him apart.

He’d even found himself considering just having a casual hookup with Harry a few times but the overwhelming nag of guilt stopped him dead in his tracks every time. _Liam._ It always came back to Liam. How he’d told Louis he’d loved him all shiny and bright that morning and then how utterly hurt and betrayed he was by the end of that same day. The worst part of the guilt came from how he’d defended his actions, actually tried to _justify_ sleeping with Harry. It was wrong. It was _all_ _so wrong_.

He could still hear the bitterness in Liam’s voice when he’d asked if he’d only been a rebound and the anger when he’d told Louis he had no idea what it meant to love anymore. Was he right? Was Louis incapable of loving anymore? The more he looked at Harry, the more he realized what he was feeling wasn’t   _love_. Lust maybe, but the love was . . . _gone_. The overwhelming sense of insecurity and betrayal had washed away the little passion he had left for the boy.

 But he knew he felt something deeper when Liam came to mind, or at least he thought he did. Maybe he was just longing for what he missed. But maybe he really _did_ love Liam.

So one day, Louis decided he’d wasted enough time and got bold and sent Liam a text;

‘ _Hey Li, it’s Lou. I know I’m not you’re favorite person in the world right now but I really wanna sit down and talk to you about all of this. You have every right to say no, but I really hope that we can work through all of this and get back to how things were before.”_

He didn’t know what he was expecting really. He didn’t think Liam would instantly appear at his doorstep or call him and confess his love. He wasn’t surprised when five days passed by and Liam didn’t even respond. To add insult to injury, a read receipt showed that Liam had read the message. He knew but he still chose to ignore Louis.

So he called Niall, which he regretted afterwards. He was getting insecure and desperate and clung to the small sliver of hope that maybe just maybe Liam was thinking about him too. He couldn’t tell this to Harry of course and his relationship with Zayn was still a bit rocky so he’d turned to Niall.

They made small conversation at first; greeting each other and asking how the other had been before Niall pondered on why Louis had really called him.

“I know you didn’t call just to make small talk with me,” he’d stated.

Louis took deep breath and went for it, “Have you seen Liam lately? Or heard from him?”

Niall rolled his eyes and simply said no, omitting the fact that Liam had left the city completely.

“Well, do you know if Zayn has?” Louis asked desperately.

“I don’t know, why don’t you call and ask him,” Niall snarked.

“Are you mad at me or something?”

“Or something,” Niall answered back.

Louis skinned his face up but quickly remembered that Niall couldn’t see him and asked what he’d even done to him.

“It’s not what you did to _me,_ ” Niall answered.

Louis paused for a moment registering what the other boy had said before he realized what he’d meant, “How do you even know about that?”

“He told me because we’re all supposed to be best friends, remember?”

“What all did he say?”

“That he told you he loved you and you shagged Harry. That he was embarrassed and felt terrible.”

An overwhelming wave of guilt and nausea rushed into Louis.

“What you did to him was horrible, Louis. He’s the nicest, sweetest, most caring and thoughtful human being and you- You broke him. And for what? For Harry? After all the shit he did to you.”

“You don’t even know the whole story, Niall. I don’t need a lecture. I made a mistake. Do you not think I understand that?”

“No, I don’t because instead of trying to fix things with Liam, you’ve been too busy playing house with Harry. Then, you have the nerve to ring me up and call to see if Liam said anything about you,” Niall scoffed, “Liam isn’t the one who should be feeling pathetic.”

“I was giving him time to cool off.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Lou. It’s been nearly two weeks. You know Liam. You know if you really wanted to, you guys could’ve worked things that night. You just didn’t _want_ things to work with Liam.”

“That’s not true. I tried to send him a text a couple days ago but he didn’t respond.”

“A _text_? A **_text_**? I wouldn’t have responded to you either. Liam is worth a lot more than a stupid text Louis.”

“Well what was I supposed to do? Just show up at his house?”

“You were supposed to try harder.” There was a pause on both ends before Niall continued.

“But you know what? Maybe it’s for the best that you stay away from him. He doesn’t need to get fucked up like the rest of us. My only suggestion to you is if you wanna keep living in this fantasy world of getting back together with Harry, you keep a closer eye on him this time. He has a tendency to not tell people what they don’t see themselves,” And with that Niall hung up on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liam is still alive in case anyone was wondering! He'll be in the next chapter


	21. Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Who I Am Hates Who I've Been (Acoustic) by Relient K

It had been nearly three weeks. Almost _three weeks_ had gone by and Liam hadn’t so much as called Niall to let him know that he was ok. Niall tried to be patient and respect Liam’s requests to not tell the others and not come for him but the walls of lies were about to start closing in on him. Zayn had finally decided that the beef had gone on long enough and was ready to reconcile with Liam but that was gonna be impossible if Liam wasn’t even there. Louis was also getting close to the point of trying to talk through things with him but again none of this could happen if Liam was gone.

He tried to call Liam a couple of times but still he received no answer. Finally, Niall gave up and sent Liam a text:

‘ _I’m not covering for you anymore. This has gone on long enough. I’ll see you in 3 hours.’_

before he hopped on a train from London to Wolverhampton and found himself on Liam’s mom’s doorstep.

He shifted nervously from foot to foot for what felt like forever before Mrs. Payne opened the door.

“Niall!” She smiled as she pulled him into a huge hug. When they broke apart, she made a show of looking around for the other boys. “Is it just you?”

“I’m afraid so,” Niall said.

“That’s alright! More snacks for you then! You’ve still got that insatiable appetite, I hope. I have a roast in the oven and biscuits on the counter. Come on in, help yourself.”

Niall walked in awkwardly, looking around for Liam.

“He’s up in his room,” Mrs. Payne said when she’d taken notice.

“Is it alright if I go up there?” Niall asked, nodding towards the stairs.

“Of course! Of course! But just to warn you, he’s been a little moody lately.”

“Ok,” Niall said before taking to the stairs.

He stopped outside of Liam’s doorway and watched him from the hall. His hair was a mess and he was only wearing a pair of grey boxers. Niall examined him as he typed ferociously on his computer.

He knocked on the doorway and entered the room and Liam paled like he’d just seen a ghost.

“Wha- what are you doing here?” He managed to get out. His eyes were as wide as saucers and he backed up as Niall approached him.

“Did you not get my text?” Niall asked.

Liam reached for his phone and scanned through his messages quickly then looked back at Niall.

“I asked you not to come for me.”

“Liam this ridiculous. It’s time for you to come back.”

“No,” Liam said simply before turning back to the computer.

Niall turned his chair back around and Liam looked at him like he’d just been assaulted.

“Well I can’t cover for you anymore. Zayn is talking about wanting to patch things up and Louis wants to-“

“If those are the only reasons you have for why I should go back, you’re SOL.”

“You can’t stay here. Have you seen yourself lately? You look like a bloody trainwreck. Liam this isn’t healthy.”

“You wanna know what’s not healthy? Binge drinking. And fighting. Which is what my life was getting to before I left London. I’m better off here.”

“Liam that was one bad night-“

“No. I guess the boys didn’t tell you what happened the night you came back? Figures, they seem to omit details a lot nowadays. “

“What?” Niall asked confused.

“Harry and I got into a fight the night you came back. Like an actual fist fight. Things have only gone downhill since.”

“Ok, two bad nights. So what? Friends get mad and punch each other all the time. Then they go and have a drink and it’s all good after that.”

“Yeah, we did have a drink remember? You forced us all to go to the bar together and he cornered Lou in the bathroom and kissed him and told him he was still in love with him and planted all that nonsense in his head that completely screwed up our relationship.”

Niall rolled his eyes in frustration and Liam continued.

“I’ve decided I’m not coming back. I’m gonna give up my apartment and move back to Wolverhampton. I’ve already started looking at places.”

There was a moment of silence as Niall studied him, trying hard to hold back.

“You can’t do this ok? You just- ya can’t. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go, Liam. You’re supposed to come back and we’re all supposed to get through this together and move on.”

“I _am_ moving on. Just on my own terms.”

“Damnit, Liam. What about the rest of us?”

“No one gave a shit about me when it mattered so why should I give a shit now?”

“Because we’re a family.”

“No. _This_ is my family,” Liam said motioning around the house. “ _These_ people care about me. _These_ people love me. These people don’t stab me in the back and treat me like shit.”

Niall just shook his head, angered.

“You can’t just run away, Liam. Everything is gonna catch up to you eventually.”

“No, it won’t. London Liam is gone. His life, his mistakes, they’re all back in London. I’m a different person now. I’m not going back to that.”

“What about Louis?”

“What _about_ Louis? He doesn’t care about me. He only needed me to fill Harry’s spot while he was out fucking Nick, but he’s back now.”

“That’s not true. You love him and he loves you too. And you know that you’ll regret it if you leave things like this.”

Liam looked him square in the eyes. “He doesn’t love me. He loves Harry. I’ve accepted that. Why can’t you?”

“Because I know it’s bullshit.”

“He was bloody hurting himself again, Niall! I was with him practically every day and he never so much as mentioned it to me. Harry corners him in a bathroom for ten minutes and he’s already broken him down and got him wrapped around his finger again. How am I supposed to compete with that?”

Niall gaped, “I- I didn’t know he was hurting himself again.”

“Yeah well no one did except for Harry apparently. I thought I could do it. I thought I could fix him. But I let him down.”

“That wasn’t your fault, Liam.”

“How was I supposed to know that? All I got was that Harry saw what I couldn’t and instantly all the work that I’d put in for two months was coming down right in front of my face.”

“Liam,” Niall whispered.

“I mean I took care of him. I kept him together. Harry was the one that cheated on him and broke him into a billion fucking pieces. I’m the one that had to clean up his mess. But he still chose Harry.”

“Liam,” Niall whispered again.

“Now do you get why I can’t go back? Why I can’t face them after that?”

“Li, I know you’re scared but-“ Niall sighed, “ _please_. Just come back.”

Liam shook his head, “No. I’m sorry Niall. I can’t.”

“So what do I tell them, huh? When they ask about you? When they start wondering where you are? What am I supposed to say?”

Liam thought it over for a moment, “Nothing. You’ll say nothing.”

“What?”

“You’ll say nothing because I’ll tell them myself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 22 is already finished so I'll most likely post that Saturday.


	22. Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Happiness by The Fray

Unfortunately for Liam, he’d waited too long. By the time Niall got back home that night, Louis and Zayn had already found out.

 

***

 

Louis had decided that Niall was right. After everything that had happened, Liam deserved more than a crappy defense and a text. Yeah, Liam could just slam the door in his face and send him away but Louis figured it was at least worth a shot.

“Where are you going all dressed up?” Harry asked as he was making his way out.

“ ‘m gonna go talk to Li.”

Harry tensed up at the thought of them talking again, seeing as how he still hadn’t told Louis about him and Nick. But he didn’t think Liam would spill. Liam was a lover so as much as he hated Harry at the moment, he wouldn’t intentionally hurt Louis like that, or at least that’s what Harry wanted to believe.

Louis nodded at Harry and then left. He spent the drive there trying to think of what to say to him but really what was there to say? ‘I’m sorry that I hooked up with my ex after you told me you loved me. I’ve realized now that it’s actually you that I love, so can we just get over all this and get back together?’ Louis thought better of it.

He wasn’t expecting Liam to come rushing to the door after he’d rang the bell but he didn’t think he’d have to wait on the doorstep for ten minutes either.

“This is ridiculous. What was I thinking?” he said to himself as he started to walk away. But then he turned around and went back.

“Liam, come on. Open the door,” He plead as he pounded on the door, trying to make one last effort so he’d at least know that he gave it a real try.

One of Liam’s neighbors walked out of their door and watched him which instantly made Louis feel ridiculous.

“Sorry,” he’d said quickly as he started to leave again.

“You’re one of Liam’s friends right?” The neighbor asked his back.

“Uh-yeah. Sorry for the noise, I’ll just come back another time.”

“I was on my way to work anyways. I’m Jeff by the way. It’s not really any of my business but he probably still won’t be here when you come back. He’s been gone for a while now.”

“What?” Louis asked, turning around.

“I see him almost every day, on my out or on the elevator, it’s pretty routine. Nice guy.  I mean we’re not close or anything but we have small chats from time to time. I’d seen him with some suitcases so I asked if he was going on vacation or something. He told me he needed to get outta London for a bit and we left it at that. He’s been gone ever since.”

“Ok, thanks.”

“No problem,” Jeff said as he walked past Louis and down to the elevators.

He should’ve just left it at that. He should have followed Jeff onto the elevators and went home.

But he didn’t. He couldn’t. Liam wouldn’t just leave and not tell them. Sure he was mad, but if he planned on being gone for ‘a few weeks’ he would have at least told one of them.

So that’s why he found himself opening Liam’s door with his key and letting himself into the flat. Liam was a man of organization but the clean dishes and organized pillows suddenly made the flat feel so cold and unlived in.

He was hit with a flashback of Liam sat round the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea with his glasses on, clad with comfy sweats and bed head. Louis walked out from the bedroom and stared at him for a few moments before Liam even realized that he was standing there. He was just so beautiful and the way he squinted his eyes and licked his lips as he focused on the article he was reading drove Louis mad.

Now the memory just made him nauseas. He continued on down the hall and into the bathroom. His toothbrush, shower gel, shampoo and conditioner were all missing. This was real. He was gone.

He stopped in the doorway of Liam’s bedroom and took note of the bag of clothes by the door that he assumed were his own. The bed was made; the drawers were all closed; there was nothing on the floor. Then he saw it.

The note just laid there silently on the floor. It had a crease in the middle where it had been folded. Louis picked it up and read.

 

So it was true. Liam was gone. But what he couldn’t quite wrap his head around was the fact that Niall had known the whole time and hadn’t told him.  Yeah, Liam had told Niall in the note not to tell anyone but – Niall still should have told him. Plus, he was the one that had pushed Louis to reconcile with Liam. If he knew that Liam was so upset that he’d fled the city in the middle of the night, why would he push them so hard?

None of it made sense. He was upset, angry, confused, hurt. The next thing he knew, he was banging on Zayn and Niall’s door.

“Where’s Niall?” Louis demanded when Zayn opened the door.

“I- I don’t know. He told me he was going out this morning and I haven’t seen him since.”

“Did you know?”

“Did I know . . .”

“About Liam.”

“What about Liam?”

“Don’t play dumb with me Zayn,” Louis said, growing frustrated.

“I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Did you know that Liam left?”

“What? No,” Zayn said scrunching up his face in confusion.

“Are you bullshitting me right now?”

“No, I didn’t know. Where did he go?”

“Apparently he left and went to Wolverhampton a few weeks ago. And he only told Niall.”

“Niall would have told me,” Zayn said, shaking his head.

“Well I guess he didn’t.”

“How do you even know?”

“His neighbor told me and I found a note that he left for Niall.”

“What did it say?”

“That he was leaving for Wolverhampton and he didn’t know when he was gonna come back. Basically, he said he couldn’t stay here anymore because he couldn’t stand to be around any of us after everything and he told Niall not to tell us. But I mean- I would’ve assumed that he would’ve at least told you about it.”

“Well he didn’t.”

“Where did you say Niall was again?”

“I don’t know he didn’t tell me.”

“Hmm,” Louis clicked his tounge, “Well tell him I wanna speak to him when he gets back.”

Zayn watched him for a few beats as he turned around and walked away, “You can wait here.”

Louis swallowed hard and clenched his jaw.

“If you want to,” Zayn continued.

Louis nodded then walked back up to the door and Zayn moved aside. They both took seats on opposite couches. Louis let out a sigh and Zayn looked around the room.

“You know what, I’ll just come back,” Louis said, getting up.

“We used to be best friends, all of us. Before you and Harry started dating; before me and Niall. We were all so close, told each other everything. Now you and I can’t even sit in the same room together,” Zayn said.

“Everything’s changed since then.”

“But why? Why can’t we just go back to the way things were before?”

“Because that’s not how life works, Zayn.”

Zayn nodded and Louis sat back down.

“How are you doing, Louis?”

“I’m ok.”

“How are you _really_ doing?” Zayn asked making eye contact with him. Louis held it for a brief moment then looked away, biting his lip and shaking his head.

He just responded with a shrug and a sigh. “I made a mistake.”

“We’ve all made mistakes.”

“The night we broke up after I told Harry about Cade, we were done. I didn’t wanna accept it but we were done. We should’ve just let go of everything right then and there because there was no getting past everything after that point. We could’ve been happy; him with Nick, me with Liam, if we just would have let go.”

That’s when Niall opened the door. He looked between the two of them as they both rose to their feet.

“Where have you been?” Zayn asked as he crossed his arms.

“What are you doing here?” Niall asked Louis, ignoring the question.

“I went over to Liam’s like you suggested. You failed to mention that he’d fucking left for Wolverhampton. Why would you do that? Why would you push me so hard to go after him when you knew he was gone?”

“When were you gonna tell me?” Zayn asked.

“He told me not to tell,” Niall said.

“You still should have told us!” Louis screamed.

“Don’t come in here acting all self righteous like I owe you something, Louis. I don’t owe you shit. And I wasn’t ‘pushing you’ for my own benefit, it was for Liam because I knew he wouldn’t do it himself. And by the way, playing the self harm card on him was completely sick. You should be ashamed of yourself. Who does that?”

They both stared at Louis; Zayn with shocked, wide eyes and Niall with anger. He looked between the two of them and shook his head.

“Is that why he left?” Louis asked close to tears.

Niall didn’t answer.

“Because I know what happened with us was bad but he wouldn’t just up and leave the city in the middle of the night just because of that.”

“He was at rock bottom the night he left. A lot of things happened that night. Louis, there’s something you should know.”

Louis looked at him as the tears started to fall.

“Harry and Nick hooked up again that night and Liam caught them. I found him curled up in the shower afterwards. He was drunk and there were pills and he told me that he’d thought about-,” he paused, “but he didn’t.”

Louis nodded and walked silently out of the door.

 

 

When he got home, Harry was still slumped in the same spot on the couch as when he’d left. He noticed that Louis was crying and shut off the telly and sat up.

“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Nick?” Louis asked, balling and unballing his tiny little fists as he cried, not even bothering to wipe away his tears anymore.

“You already knew about that.”

“No. I’m talking about you hooking up with him the night after we’d hooked up.”

“Oh that.”

“Yeah that.”

“It was just break up sex. That’s it, just sex. It didn’t mean anything so I didn’t see the point in getting you all worked up over nothing.”

“God fucking dammit Harry! When are you gonna realize that it’s never just sex? Look at us. Look at where we are now! Going into things with Nick was just sex, right? Me and you that day was just sex, right? It’s never just about sex, Harry! There’s always more!”

“But it was, Louis! God, I love _you._ I wanna be with _you.”_

“How am I supposed to be with you if I can’t even fucking trust you?”

“You _can_ trust me. You just don’t want to.”

“No, Harry, I can’t. I can’t because you do stupid shit like this! Why would you say all of those things and then go sleep with him the same night.”

“I’m sorry, Lou. I made a mistake but-“

“No! No! This wasn’t the first time. The first time is a mistake. The second time, the third time, every fucking time after that is a choice. You chose this. You chose to hurt me and you chose to lie about it.”

“I’m sorry, Louis.”

“No, you’re not. You don’t even know what that means anymore.”

Harry looked up at him.

“What happened to us? We were supposed to have a storybook ending,” he paused. “You know, I was almost convinced that you changed. That we might actually survive all this and come out on the other end together and that I hadn’t trashed my relationship with Liam for nothing.  But boy was I wrong.”

“Louis-“

“Get out. We’re done.”

“But I have nowhere to go.”

“You’ll figure something out. You always were the cunning one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Louis and Liam see each other for the first time since the break up next chapter.
> 
> Just as a heads up, I'll be updating again on Wednesday but I most likely won't update again for about two and a half- three weeksish because I'm about to go on vacay and I won't have access to my laptop :(
> 
> But on the bright side, Chapter 23 is already done so I'll probably start working on Chapter 24 before I leave


	23. Hang On As I Come Beautifully Undone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said I'd post this on Wednesday but I couldn't wait any longer.
> 
> ***Trigger Warning for the end of the chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Beautifully Undone by Lindy (For the beginning, when Louis first arrives)
> 
> Hanging On by Ellie Goulding (To be started at the line where Liam says "I wish you would've known all that earlier")

‘ _Meet me at mine in an hour.’_

7 words. It was the first time Liam had reached out to him since they’d broken up. The first time he’d acknowledged Louis in a month. He didn’t even bother to comment on the text Louis had sent him before but that was ok. At least Liam was willing to talk to him now.

He braced himself as he took the drive to Liam’s. He didn’t really know what he was afraid since they were already broken but he still couldn’t shake the sick feeling he had in his gut about what was going to transpire that night.

His heartbeat boomed in his ears and he could feel his blood rush as he waited for Liam to come to the door after he’d knocked. When he opened the door, all the oxygen left Louis’s body. They made eye contact for a second but it felt like an eternity. Louis’s eyes shined with hope while Liam’s held sadness. Neither of them said anything as Liam moved aside and Louis walked in, Liam closing the door behind him.

“What’s this?” Were the first words they exchanged. Louis asked because Liam’s pictures were taken down from the walls and his living room was overflowed with boxes.

“It’s the reason I asked you to come tonight,” Liam answered, motioning for Louis to take a seat on the couch.

“I don’t understand,” Louis said as he sat down, shaking his head in confusion.

Liam took a deep breath and exhaled. “I’m leaving London.”

“What?” Louis asked, crinkling his eyebrows.

“I’ve been packing all day. I should be completely out by Friday but I wanted to tell you myself in person first.”

Louis shook his head in disbelief. “I- I still don’t get it. Wh-Why?”

“I can’t stay here after everything that’s happened these past two months. I just- I don’t _wanna_ be in London anymore. So I’ve decided I’m  gonna move back home to Wolverhampton.”

“This is your home,” Louis said in a quite voice.

“No, it’s not. Not anymore.”

“Are you doing this because of me?” Louis asked, willing Liam to look him in the eye.

“I didn’t say that,” Liam said, avoiding his gaze.

“Why else then, Liam? Why else would you just decide to drop everything and run if it wasn’t because of me?”

“Not everything has to do with you Louis,” Liam said defensively.

“Well this does. And it’s ridiculous. You can’t just run away, Liam.”

“What, like you did?” Liam snarked to himself.

“Excuse me?”

“I told you I loved you and you got scared and instead of talking to me about it and telling me how you felt, you backtracked a thousand steps and fucked Harry!” Liam exclaimed.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Louis said shaking his head.

Liam just rolled his eyes and shrugged, “I don’t even know why I bothered telling you.”

“I don’t know why you did either. You abandon me for a month and then you reappear and ask me to come over just so you can tell me that you’re gonna disappear again. It was a waste of both of our times.”

“Abandon you!? You cheated on me! Of course I wasn’t gonna stick around after that!”

“I was fucked up Liam! You knew that! I was confused! He told me all of these things and I- I lost control. I’d been hurting for so long and he came in and he said all of that shit to me and everything stopped hurting; but only for a little bit. Only until I realized what a massive mistake I’d made and how much it was gonna fuck things up with you.”

“Well why didn’t you just say something to me?”

“I was terrified to let someone in after what Harry did. And I was mortified to have that someone be you because I didn’t wanna mess you up like the rest of us. But you got in. You’re still in and I can’t just let you go. I can’t go through this again. If you leave, I can’t love anyone else because I’m in love with _you._ ”

“What about Harry?”

“It’s over. It was over the moment he walked out the first time. I didn’t know it yet, but I know it now. I don’t love him anymore. I can’t. Not the way I used to before. There’s too much damage to repair.”

“You can’t just expect me to believe that you’d go through all of that with him just to give it up for me.”

“It sounds crazy but it’s true. You fixed me Liam, you put me back together when he broke me apart. You made me love you when I couldn’t even love myself. I hurt you so badly and I’m so sorry for that but I’m ready now. I’m ready to love you back. I’m ready to give this a real shot but I can’t do that if you’re two hours away in Wolverhampton.”

“I wish you would’ve known all that earlier,” Liam whispered.

Louis shook his head, not ready to hear the rest of what Liam had to say.

“I’m sorry Lou. It’s too late.”

“Liam please. You can stay here. We can work things out. We can make it through this,” he pled, too far gone to care about how pathetic he probably sounded.

“No Louis, I can’t.”

“Yes you can.”

“No I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I met someone else.”

The silence stretched on for way too long. Liam stared at the floor and Louis just sat there and watched him for what felt like forever. It had only been four weeks. Just four weeks. How could he have met someone so soon?  How could he have _replaced Louis_ so soon?

“Her name’s Danielle,” Liam finally said.

“It’s a girl?”

“She’s a nice girl. She’s in uni. She dances. She likes dogs . . . _and she doesn’t hurt me_.”

Louis just sat there breathless, silent as the tears fell.

 **“Please don’t go,”** he whispered.

“I’m sorry, Louis.”

Louis lifted himself off the couch and floated to the door. He saw himself open the door. He saw himself turn around and give Liam one last pleading look before he left. He saw himself get into his car and drive home. He saw himself stare at his reflection in the bathroom mirror with empty eyes as he gripped onto the sink for support to keep him down.

He watched himself pick up his razor and cut. One slash turned into two. Two turned into three. The slashes came up higher, closer to his veins and the cuts went deeper into his skin. But he felt nothing. His head was light and floaty and suddenly the razor was too heavy so he dropped it on the floor with a ‘ _clink_ ’ . The blood pooled on his arms. His vision was blurring. Breathing was getting harder.

He cried for help but it only came out as a mere whisper. But it wouldn’t matter anyways because he was alone. **_He was all alone_.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Waits for everyone to flip out*
> 
> Oh and ddluckluck do you get the joke now about your choice of words in your comment on Chapter 21 
> 
> Anyways, like I said before it might be a bit before I can update again but think of it like a season finale cliffhanger except the break will be much shorter


	24. Holocene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should definitely listen to Holocene by Bon Iver while you read this chapter. It really sets the dark eerie mood.
> 
> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> Holocene by Bon Iver

Harry was the one to find him. He didn’t really have a good reason to go over so late if he was gonna be honest. He’d planned to use the same excuse he did every time; that he was just coming over to pick some stuff up. He knew that Louis knew it was bullshit and that he could’ve just taken everything out at once, but something inside of Harry hoped that one of the times he ‘just came to get some more stuff’, Louis would have fallen back in love with him.

Every time he took the drive, he’d spend the entire ride mapping out what he’d say. Every apology; every wise crack; every heartfelt, deep, philosophical quote. He’d repeat them all over and over so he could make sure that if today was the day, he wouldn’t stumble over his words and let Louis down . . . again. Every time he felt a doubt, he’d do his best to push it out of his mind and replace it with the thought of Louis kissing him again.

As Harry pulled up to the flat, a wave of eere hit him. It was dark out but it wasn’t that late and Louis usually liked to have the lights on when he was home alone. Unless he was having sex. Harry shook the idea out quickly. It wasn’t late enough at night for Louis to bring creeps back yet. Then he realized that he didn’t even know if Louis was home.

His car was parked out front so that answered his question. He chewed on his lip nervously as he waited after he’d knocked. No answer. He went to look around and see if another light was on and there was; in the bathroom. Harry knew that combination all too well. No lights on anywhere else but the bathroom meant that Louis was in one of _those_ moods. They used to call them ‘the dark and twistys’ where he’d hurt himself and be too ashamed to see anything but darkness after.

Harry unlocked the door with his key and shut it as quietly as he could after he stepped inside. He walked through the halls in the darkness and stopped outside of the bathroom. No retching; no sobs; it was silent.

“Lou?” Harry’d cooed as he knocked softly on the wall. No answer.

“Louis are you alright in there?” Still no answer.

“Louis are you o-“ Harry stopped when he came around from the darkness and into the light. Louis laid motionless on the floor in a pool of blood.

Harry tried to scream but it got caught in his throat. His eyes bulged and he felt like he might vomit. He needed to yell, he needed Louis to move. He banged on the wall trying to wake Louis up without having to go in but Louis didn’t respond to the noise.

Harry clutched at his chest, suddenly feeling like he couldn’t breathe. He was hyperventilating but he felt like all oxygen had escaped him.

He scrambled for his phone in his pocket and shakily clicked on Zayn’s contact.

 

***

Zayn was busy clutching at Niall from behind greedily as he washed the dishes. Niall complained that Zayn needed to be drying the dishes instead but then Zayn started whispering in his ear and grinding all over Niall’s arse and sucking at his neck so Niall was ready to give up and give it to Zayn right there in front of the kitchen sink.

Then Zayn’s phone rang.

“What the hell,” Niall moaned as Zayn removed himself to go answer the phone.

Zayn held a finger up to his mouth as he answered it and Niall proceeded to continue washing the dishes.

“ **HE WHAT?** ” Niall heard Zayn yell.

“Call 9-1-1 right now Harry!” Zayn screamed into the phone.

“What? What is it? What’s going on?” Niall asked as he turned off the faucet and turned to face Zayn, still scrubbing a plate.

“Louis had an accident. We need to go to the hospital now, ok?” Zayn said calmly.

“Ok,” Niall said calmly. “But I mean how bad is it really? Does he just need stitches because I’m sure he can just cry on Harry's shoulder if that's it.”

“He might be dead.”

Niall dropped the dish on the floor and stared at Zayn blankly.

 

***

 

Harry called 9-1-1 as soon as he got off the phone with Zayn.

“Yes? Hello? Hello I need help!” He cried into the phone.

“My- my- he’s not moving! There’s so much- there’s so much blood!  He won’t move. I don’t know if he’s alive. I don’t know if he’s breathing! Oh God someone help!”

 The operator told him to calm down.

“I can’t! I can’t calm down! I can’t lose him! Just send someone please.  Please help me! Please!”

The operator asked him to explain the situation. The calmness in her voice angered Harry. His anger might have had more to do with the fact that he couldn’t actually explain the situation because he didn’t know any details, but he chose to blame it on her voice instead.

“I don’t fucking know anything ok! I just walked in and found him here! Why isn’t anyone here yet? Why don’t I hear fucking sirens? Isn’t that you’re fucking job to send people to help? Why aren’t you doing something? Why isn’t anyone doing anything?”

“You’re not giving me anything sir,” the operator responded.

“I don’t fucking have anything to give!”

“Yes, you do. There’s always something you can do. I’ve already sent out an ambulance and police but I want you to calm down and talk to me until they arrive ok? First, I need names. I want you to give me the victim’s name and your name, ok? Can you do that?”

Harry clenched his jaw tightly.

“Sir, are you still with me?”

“Harry. My name is Harry.”

“Ok, good good. That’s good. Now what is the victim’s name?”

“Louis. Louis Tomlinson.”

“Ok. Now you said there was blood, do you know where it’s coming from?”

Harry’d had his back turned to Louis up to this point but slowly crept around to look at his fallen angel. The sight was too much and he quickly turned back around.

“No n-n-n-n-no.  I-I  I can’t look,” Harry stammered into the phone.

“I know this is very scary, Harry but I need you to look for me. Ok? Louis needs you to look for him. He needs you to see where the bleeding is coming from.”

Harry slowly turned back around and stared at Louis’s tiny, pale, limp body.

“His arms,” Harry said in a broken voice.

“Is this a suicide, Harry?” The operator asked.

Harry felt all of the oxygen pull from him again. He collapsed onto the ground and screamed until his throat was raw. Then he hyperventilated until he felt sick and screamed again. He pounded on the walls and kicked against the bath not caring if he woke the whole god damn complex.

“ **I’M SORRY, LOUIS! I’M SO SO SORRY! PLEASE! PLEASE GOD DON’T TAKE HIM AWAY! PLEASE PLEASE! HE CAN’T GO LIKE THIS! HE WAS ALONE! HE WAS ALL ALONE! PLEASE!”**

He could hear the operator talking on the phone but her words were too far away. He hung up the phone and crawled next to Louis on the floor.

“Please,” he whispered as he pushed back Louis’s hair.

“Please, Louis. Please don’t go. I’m here. I’m right here. It’s Harry. You can’t go. You can’t do this. You can’t die.”

Louis looked so peaceful. Like he was finally at rest. Like he was in a beautiful, deep sleep.

Harry kissed him softly, hoping he could wake him up like he was Sleeping Beauty.

“I love you, Louis. You’re my light. I need you. I messed up. I let you down. We all did. But you can’t do this. You can’t give up. Please. Please I need you to hang on. I need you to stay here, ok? Follow my voice, follow my words ok? _Please_. It can’t end like this.”

Harry saw the faintest of eye twitches beneath Louis’s lids. He heard the medics rush in and within seconds they were picking Louis up and putting him on a gurney.

“His eyes moved! He heard me!” He called to their backs as they rushed out of the apartment. They were gone as quickly as they’d came.

 

 

***

 

“Wake up wake up wake up wake up,” Niall mumbled to himself as he started pacing around the kitchen and pulling at his hair.

“Niall come on we need to go to the hospital,” Zayn said.

“No! No because this is a dream. This is not happening right now. I’m asleep. You’re right next to me. I’m gonna wake up any minute now and you’re gonna be asleep with your arm around me.”

“Niall, babe this is happening. We’re not asleep. We need to go. We need to go to the hospital right now.”

“I wanna talk to Liam,” Niall whined.

“Ok. Ok. You can call him in the car.”

Niall nodded and slipped on a pair of Vans and rushed to the car. Zayn put on a jacket and some Doc Martens and grabbed some crisps for Niall because he knew that once it all sank in, Niall would need some food to distract him.

“You ready to go?” Zayn asked as he got in and shut the door.

“No. I’ll never be ready.”

“Go ahead and call Liam,” Zayn instructed as they pulled away and started on the drive to the hospital.

“Hello? Niall? Are you ok? What’s wrong?” Liam asked when he picked up.

Niall turned to Zayn helplessly. Zayn nodded to Niall to tell Liam.

“Liam you need to be in London right now. Louis needs you. I need you. You need to be here.”

“Oh Niall come on. Not this agai-“

“Louis’s had an accident and he might be dead. Me and Zayn are on our way to the hospital right now. You need to be back here yesterday, ok? Hurry, Liam.”

 

***

 

Liam had been on his way back home. He was trying his best to push Louis’s sorry puppy dog eyes out of his brain. He’d done this to himself. He was the one that broke them up. Liam deserved someone good too and it wasn’t Louis. He didn’t know how things were gonna play out once he was gone but he figured it wasn’t his problem anymore. He’d taken on the burdens of all the other boys for so long and now it was his time to shine and worry about Liam and only Liam. He had a family and a pretty girl waiting for him back home.

When Niall’s name flashed across his phone, he initially planned on ignoring it. But Niall usually didn’t call him this late. Something had to be wrong.

When Niall hung up after spilling the news, Liam immediately pulled over and ran out of the car. He puked out all of the contents of his stomach and his only support was the tree he was clinging to.

“This can’t be real. This can’t be happening right now,” He said to himself as he got back into the car.

He immediately called Louis. Straight to voicemail. Louis had turned off his phone. He tried again and again but every time, he got Louis’s stupid voicemail.

“ _Hi! You’ve reached Jennifer! I’m slutting it up with my boys right now so I can’t come to the phone, say hi boys! ‘I’m Harry’ ‘I’m Zayn’ ‘I’m Niall’ ‘I’m Liam and this is actually the phone of Louis Tomlinson. Leave a message after the beep.’ ‘Aw Leeyum you’re no fu-“_ And then the beep. Louis always complained that he hated his voice over the phone and he didn’t want to record his message alone so he had the other boys film it with him after a night of drinks. It was a good night. A night before everything had turned to shit.

He called twelve times before it sank in that Louis wasn’t going to answer. This was real and he was an hour away from it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! So I actually finished this the day I got back and I was gonna wait to update until I got back from my 2nd trip but I decided to just post it now.


	25. What Sarah Said Was Ever After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation: 
> 
> What Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie (The Beginning Scene)
> 
> Ever After by Marianas Trench (Start when Harry pulls on his coat)

When Liam walked into the waiting room all he could hear was white noise. There were other people there besides him and the boys of course but they didn’t have faces. He looked around and tried to take it all in; make sense of it all, but he couldn’t even form a proper thought. When Niall saw him, he jumped from his seat and rushed to envelope Liam in a hug. Liam couldn’t hug him back though; he couldn’t move.

Harry was pacing back and forth, pulling at his curls; putting his hands on his head. His lips were moving but Liam couldn’t hear what he was saying. Zayn stared at his boots, motionless. Liam took note of how thin he was and thought that someone should mention it at some point.

He felt like he was shaking. He raised his hand to see if he was in fact trembling (which he was) but the feeling was coming from Niall. Niall was crying into his shoulder and shaking them both. Liam knew that he should’ve held him and told him that ‘everything was gonna be alright’ but how could he? Things had been falling apart for months but it wasn’t until that moment that they’d all realized just how far gone they really were.

Then the doctor came out.

He was tall and toned with sandy brown hair and blue eyes. Had it been any other time, the boys would’ve fought over him but they were all too distracted at the moment.

“I need to speak with the family of Louis Tomlinson,” the doctor spoke. Immediately all of the boys snapped out of their trances and rushed over to him and waited for the news.

“Are you the family?” The doctor asked, a bit confused.

“Yeah, we are. How is he?” Liam asked.

“Ok, well um he’s stable . . . for now.”

“What do you mean ‘for now’?” Zayn questioned.

“He just cut himself. All you have to do is put blood back in him and stitch him up. Why wouldn’t he be ok?” Harry asked, growing louder.

“Typically, yes we would just give the patient a blood transfusion and stitches but I’m afraid you’re friend’s case is a bit more complicated,” the doctor sighed.

“How?” Niall asked.

“Well, your friend nicked a vein which would have been stressful enough on a healthy body but he went into cardiac distress due to malnutrition from what I would assume to be an eating disorder. By the time he arrived his blood pressure was dangerously low, his heart was weakening, his kidneys were shutting down from dehydration and he was bleeding out.”

“Oh my God,” Harry cried. All the boys put their hands to their mouths in shock and fear.

“Like I said, he’s stable for now but he’s gonna be hooked up for a bit until we can make sure everything’s working properly again.”

Liam shook his head at the doctor, “I still- I- I don’t understand. Is he conscious? Is he not breathing on his own? Why is he hooked up to stuff?”

“Well he is breathing on his own but the machines are to address the other complications. He has a saline drip and a blood bag to replace his blood and fluids and he also has a feeding tube to assure that he’s getting the proper nutrients back into his body until he’s able to do it on his own. There’s also a heart monitor so we can watch his heart rate and a catheter to alleviate his waste until he wakes up. He’s also under a tranquillizer right now which we give to all suicide attempt patients to make sure they remain calm when they come through.”

“When can we see him?” Niall asked.

“Typically with suicide attempts, we try to limit patient’s visitors to immediate family only.”

“That’s bullshit! We _are_ his fucking family!” Zayn scowled.

“Look, I’m sorry guys. I don’t make the rules,” The doctor apologized.

“His blood family lives all the way in Doncaster. We’re all he has here and you can’t just tell us to leave him here all alone. Please,” Liam explained.

“I’ll see what I can do,” The doctor said starting to walk away.

The boys returned to their seats. Niall held Zayn’s hand while he stared at his shoes and Zayn fidgeted and shifted anxiously in his seat. Liam sat awkwardly looking around the room and Harry messed with the children’s toys.

“This is such bullshit,” Zayn repeated.

“Zayn,” Niall tried.

“No, this is shit. They can’t just turn us away because we’re not ‘blood’. That’s crap.”

“Zayn, calm down,” Niall tried again.

“No,” Zayn said punching the wall, demanding the attention of a few others in the waiting room.

“Why don’t we just go outside and have a smoke, ok?” Niall said, rising to his feet and tugging on Zayn’s hand to follow him outside.

Zayn took in a deep breath and reluctantly followed Niall outside.

Liam turned to focus his attention on Harry.

“What,” Harry said to Liam, not daring to break his gaze from the bead wire roller coaster he was messing with.

“Are you ok?” Liam asked.

“I found one of my best friends laying in a pool of his own blood and I’m trying to distract myself with thoughts of shagging his insanely hot doc but it’s not working out too well,” Harry answered.

Liam nodded.

“How are you?” Harry asked him.

Liam shrugged, “I feel like shit.”

“Don’t we all,” Harry sighed.

Niall and Zayn came back inside and Zayn immediately pulled Harry and Liam up and brought them in for a group huddle in the corner.

“We’re gonna go see him now,” Zayn whisepred.

“But the doctor said-“ Liam tried to interject.

“Screw what the doctor said. He’s a fucking pretty little frat boy that probably got his degree online. We’re seeing him,” Zayn commanded.

Harry stared down at his shoes.

“Well who’s gonna go first?” Liam asked.

The boys all fell silent and looked down. They all knew deep down that they’d let Louis down and were afraid to face him again. It was just a matter of who had let him down the most.

“We can go first, give you guys time to think of what to say,” Niall offered.

“Yeah, uh then you can go, Harry, and then I guess I’ll go,” Liam said.

Harry just nodded at his shoes while Zayn pulled Niall past the doors and down the hall to Louis’s room.

Harry started to pull on his coat and Liam watched him confusedly.

“Where are you going?” Liam asked him.

“I can’t do this,” Harry said shaking his head.

“What the hell, Harry? What happens when Louis wakes up and everyone’s here except for you?”

“You’ll tell him that you’re that one that found him,” Harry said looking to the distance, his mind clearly made.

“No,” Liam said shaking his head.

“It’ll be less confusing for him if that’s the story. He hates me Liam. I’m his monster. I can’t be the one that saved him. You’re his god. Please.”

“I was gonna leave and go back to Wolverhampton. I told him I met someone else and then 2 hours later I get a call that he tried to kill himself. I’m not his god, Harry.”

“I don’t know, tell him you changed your mind or something. Anything.”

“You’re not listening to me, Harry. I’m not gonna fucking lie for you.”

“This isn’t _for_ me. This isn’t _about me._ This is about him! You’re doing it for him. If you really loved him, you’d do it. I can’t be the one that found him because then he’s gonna feel like he owes me and he can’t owe me because I can’t even fucking look at him. I can’t _do_ this.”

“I know this hard for you but-“

“No. No you fucking don’t Liam. _You_ weren’t in that bathroom. _You_ didn’t find the love of your life dead on the fucking floor. _You_ didn’t see all the fucking blood. _I_ did. You _don’t_ know how hard this is for me and you never fucking will,” Harry said in shaking rage.

“So what’s your plan then, huh? You just gonna try and ignore this and push it out of your brain by running away and getting drunk and sleeping with the other half of London now? When are you gonna fucking learn? You may not have cuts on your wrist but you’re just as bad off as he is, if not worse. Come on Harry. It’s time to grow up and learn to deal instead of pushing everything away the second things get tough.”

“I know how to ‘deal’ Liam,” Harry spat, “I’ve been _dealing_ with this since before any of you even fucking knew about it. Let’s not forget which one of us it was that had the two year relationship with him.”

“That’s still not a valid excuse for you to leave now.”

“I don’t owe you an excuse,” Harry scowled.

“You do if you’re gonna make me lie for you,” Liam said crossing his arms authoritatively.

“Fine. I can’t look at him. I get migraines at the thought of having to face him again. My brain completely caves in on itself at the thought. I’m angry with him and I can’t be because he can’t handle that right now. I’m completely fucked up over the fact that I had to be the one to find him. I feel all of these _things_ that I can’t feel right now so yeah, I do wanna walk away even if that makes me a total fucking prick in all of your eyes.

“All of us are feeling stuff too, Harry. We’re gonna get through this together. It’s ok,” Liam said, putting a reassuring hand on Harry’s shoulder.

“No, Liam. This is not _ok._ What happened tonight doesn’t just erase everything that’s happened over the past three months,” Harry spat, shrugging off Liam’s hand.

“Maybe if you would have actually dealt with things instead of running away all the time you would have been ready to let go by now,” Liam spat back.

“Well guess what Liam! I’m a runner! He knows that! I know that! We’ve all fucking known that! Just let him hate me. It’ll be easier on both of us that way.”

“No it won’t Harry. You know you can’t get away from this. This is gonna stay with you until you deal with it so you need to find a way to deal.”

“Well my way to ‘deal’ is through a bottle of Scotch and sex which I won’t find in this hospital. I’m done talking about this now, Liam,” Harry said turning to walk away.

Liam grabbed Harry’s arm and gave him one last pleading look, “Harry, you don’t wanna do this.”

But Harry just ripped his arm from Liam’s grasp and left.

Everyone in the waiting room stared at Liam as he went back to his seat in the corner and put his head in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's gonna happen when Louis wakes up ? Will Liam lie for Harry ? Or will he tell the truth? Where is Harry going ? Did Niall and Zayn make it to Louis's room ? And who's gonna shag Dr. Gorgeous ? 
> 
> Stay tuned to find out the answers to these questions and more on next week's update!
> 
> (Omg so corny but idc)


	26. Whispers to My Sweet Cherub

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for anyone who's just here for the update, the chapters are gonna have song titles now like some shows do for their episodes. I'm getting rid of the playlist bc it just didn't work out but I'm gonna put song recommendations in the beginning notes instead.
> 
> My listening recommendation:  
> Wicked Games by the Weekend (For the first two scenes)
> 
> Whispers by Dave Baxter (Start when Nick goes into the bar)
> 
> and Sweet Cherub by John Marshall (start when Nick walks in the kitchen)

“I said. I want. _Another._ Drink. Saaaaaaal,” Harry slurred. He was laying sloppily on the bar demanding that the bartender give him another drink but Sal refused to give in.

“No, Harry. Who do you want me to call?” Sal asked, already knowing the routine of what to do when Harry got too drunk.

“I don’t want you to _caaaaall_ anyone. I want another _fucking_ drink,” Harry demanded, punctuating the command with a slam of his fist to the bar.

Sal just sighed and rolled his eyes and moved to wipe down the bar.

“Fine. You know what? You don’t wanna give me any more booze? Great! It’s overpriced anyways! I’ll just go somewhere else!” Harry slurred as he attempted to get up and stumble his way to the door.

“I have your keys, dipshit,” Sal mumbled under his breath.

“Fuck you!” Harry yelled back.

“Is there anyone you want me to call _now_?” Sal asked with another roll of the eyes.

“Nick. Call Nick,” Harry pointed as he sank and laid down on the floor.

***

Niall and Zayn burst back through the doors with grins plastered on their faces that dropped once they saw Liam crying in the corner. His palms were covering his eyes and his shoulders heaved up and down violently. They turned to look at each other then rushed over to Liam.

“Li, he’s ok. It’s ok,” Niall cooed.

“It’s not that,” Liam sobbed, lifting his head from his hands, his eyes puffy and bloodshot.

“Wait, where the hell is Harry?” Zayn asked him.

“He didn’t-“ Niall shook his head, “No.”

“He ran, the fucking bastard,” Liam cried.

The boys let out a collective sigh.

“Well do you know where he went?” Zayn questioned.

“Probably to go get drunk and fuck Nick.”

Niall chewed on his nail nervously.

“How did things go with Lou?” Liam asked, his sobs finally stopping.

Niall looked at Zayn and Zayn looked back at him biting his lip.

“Um we actually couldn’t get in his room,” Niall said.

“Then what took you guys so long?”

Niall looked back at Zayn again and he smirked.

“We were um, talking to his doctor,” Zayn answered.

Liam scowled at him.

“ _I_ was just talking I swear!” Zayn said defensively.

“Well what did he say?”

“Well we asked him again if we’d be able to get in Lou’s room and again he told us the same BS that ‘he’d see what he could do’.  So Niall started flirting with him asking if there was anything we could do to get us in the room and-“

Liam put his back in his hands and groaned. “Please tell me you didn’t whore yourself out to get us into Louis’s room.”

“I did not ‘whore myself out’. He was hot and I totally would’ve done it for fun anyways,” Niall said.

Zayn grunted.

“Well I mean, if it was ok with Zayn of course,” Niall corrected himself.

“God we’re the biggest, most fucked up pack of sluts in London,” Liam said.

“I only made out with him and gave him a handy, Liam. I’m not _that_ slutty!” Niall joked.

Liam rolled his eyes and let out a small chuckle.

“And it got us into Louis’s room,” Zayn interjected, “We came out here to tell you guys.”

Liam clenched his jaw and looked over to the children’s toy section where Harry had sat that was now empty.

“Maybe we should all just go in together since it’s just the three of us,” Niall suggested.

Liam turned back to him and Niall eyed him cautiously, “If that’s alright with you, Li.”

“Yeah, ok,” Liam sighed as he slowly rose to his feet.

 

***

It only took thirty minutes before Nick barged into the bar, frustrated and annoyed.

“Where is he?” Nick demanded sassily.

“In the back,” Sal said with yet another roll of his eyes.

“Harry, Nick’s here!” Sal called into the back room where he kept a spare cot for his favorite drunks.

“Oh and take these,” Sal said as he handed Nick Harry’s car keys, “They’re his. You can come get the car in the morning.”

“Ahhhhh Nicky!” Harry yelled as he ran over and hugged Nick.

Nick shrugged himself out of the hug before he mumbled Sal a quick thanks and dragged Harry by his limp arm out of the door and threw him into the car.

“God, you smell,” was the first thing he said to Harry as they were driving on the empty road.

“Sorry,” Harry mumbled awkwardly.

“You know I’m so sick of these fucking games with you. You pull me in just to push me away again then you randomly decide that you wanna show back up in the middle of the night. Like what the fuck, Harry?” Nick said, scowling at the road.

“Sorry,” Harry repeated.

“No! No you’re not! You never are and I’m a stupid fucking prick for believing you every time you say it. You promised me this was different but I should’ve known that it was bullshit.”

“Sorry,” Harry mumbled again.

“And why couldn’t you call Louis to come pick you up? Last time I checked, he was the one you were chasing after so damn hard.”

Harry’s face contorted but he fought as hard as he could to keep the tears back.

“I’m sorry, Nick,” He whispered. “I’m shit and you deserve to hate me.”

“You are shit,” he paused.

“But I don’t hate you,” Nick said finally turning to look at Harry. “You’re a fucking wreck. Do you need to crash at mine?”

Harry simply nodded, still staring down at his lap.

 

***

 

A nurse glanced over the boys cautiously as she made her way out of Louis’s room as the boys entered.

Louis was just starting to wake up and all three boys smiled down at him.

“Hey Champ,” Niall said with a big grin as he clamped a hand down on Louis’s shoulder. Louis gave him a weak smile then turned to stare at where Zayn and Liam were standing. They were both standing awkwardly with their hands in their pockets watching him and Niall.

“I don’t have a contagious disease ya know,” he joked in a weak voice.

They both cracked him small smiles.

“How are you doing?” Zayn asked as he took a seat in one of the chairs parallel to Louis’s bed.

Louis shrugged, “I’ve been better.”

Zayn nodded.

“Can we get you anything?” Niall asked.

“Uh no, I’m ok,” Louis said with a small smile before he turned and looked at Liam again.

Niall followed his eyes and went and grabbed Zayn’s hand to escort him out of the room, “We’ll come back later. Call if you need anything.”

And just like that, they were gone, leaving Louis and Liam alone in an uncomfortable silence.

 

***

 

The rest of the drive was silent until Nick pulled up in front of his house. He got out and walked around the car to help Harry out of his side and help him get inside. Once they were inside, Harry fell into Nick and kissed him.

Nick kissed him back for a moment then pushed him away.

“No. We are _not_ doing this again,” Nick said, wiping his mouth.

“Nick, _please_. I _need_ this. I need _you_ ,” Harry begged.

“No, Harry. You’re drunk and emotional; and I’m tired and not in the mood.”

Harry rolled his eyes and stalked off into the kitchen. Nick ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath before he followed and found Harry bent over throwing his pots and pans out of the cupboard.

“What the hell are you doing?” He screamed over the noise.

“I’m looking for your fucking liquor.”

“You’ve had enough,” Nick said.

“Don’t tell me I’ve had enough,” Harry spat. “There’s never enough. There won’t ever be e-nough.”

“What the hell is up with you?” Nick asked, bewildered and a bit frightened.

“Everything!” Harry shouted, the tears making a reappearance at the brims of his eyes.

Nick just stared at him as he continued on.

“Everybody hates me! I hate me! I- I- I just-“ Harry started to sob.

Nick rushed over to catch him before he fell to the ground.

“What’s going on Harry? Tell me what happened,” Nick said as they reached the ground.

Harry ran his hands through his hair and Nick wiped away his tears.

“Louis tried to kill himself tonight. And I found him. God there was so much blood,” Harry whispered.

Nick gaped and went wide eyed.

“Is he-“ Nick started.

“He’s alive. But the doctors said he’s really messed up,” Harry broke into another fit of sobs.

“God! I left him! I let him down _again._ I should be at the hospital right now but instead I ran off and got plastered because I couldn’t handle all of this shit! God. Liam was right; I’m totally fucked. I’m such a piece of shit.”

“You’re not a piece of shit, Harry,” Nick said, grabbing his wrists, “You’re a hero. You saved Louis’s life.”

“Don’t call me that,” Harry said tearing away his wrists. “I’m no fucking hero. The second the doctors said he was alive, I bolted. Heroes don’t run away from stuff. I’m a coward.”

“You’re not a coward, Harry. A coward would have left when they found him. You didn’t. You stayed. You called 911. You saved someone’s life tonight. You saved _Louis’s_ life tonight. That’s a big deal. It’s ok to be scared.”

Harry just clenched his jaw and covered his eyes with the palms of his hands while Nick rubbed his shoulders.

***

“You can sit down if you want,” Louis said.

Liam walked over and took a seat in the chair Zayn had been sitting in just moments ago.

“You don’t have to sit so far away. I’m not contagious.”

Liam just stared back at Louis.

“Would you please just say something? This is awkward enough as it is.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Liam finally spoke.

“Bullshit. I know there’s plenty of things you wanna say right now.”

“Well the last time I said something to you, I got a call two hours later.”

Louis rolled his eyes as the tears started to form.

“Why?” Liam asked as he rose from the chair and started to walk closer to Louis’s bed, “Why would you do that?”

“I wasn’t _trying_ to kill myself,” Louis whispered.

Liam shook his head, looking down as his own tears threatened to fall.

“I’m sorry,” Louis said. Liam looked up at him and the tears finally spilled from both of them.

Liam took a seat on the edge of Louis’s bed and wrapped his arms around him. Louis buried his face in Liam’s shoulder and clung to him as they both shook and cried.

“I’m sorry, Liam,” Louis repeated. “I’m so so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Liam whispered into his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After going back and reading through this chapter over and over while trying to find a song for the first two scenes, I strongly considered making this the last chapter. There are some loose ends and unanswered questions yes, but it's just starting to feel like I'm getting to the end of the line with this fic. I had plans for more chapters but idk.
> 
> It's up to you guys; should I make this the last chapter (I'd go back and alter it a bit to give it a more polished closure feeling) or should I continue the story?
> 
> If you were gonna give me feedback on any chapter, this is the one to do it on because i'm leaning more towards option one and then taking the entire story down at the end of the year.


	27. Enough for Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Listening Recommendations (the most of any chapter haha):
> 
> For You I Will by Teddy Geiger (for the wakeup scene)
> 
> The Last Something That Meant Anything by Mayday Parade (The car ride)
> 
> Better by Mathew Mayfield (Start at "it was quiet for a long moment")
> 
> I Miss You by Blink 182 (Start at the three stars)
> 
> Where Does the Good Go by Tegan and Sara (Start where Liam picks Louis up)
> 
> Centered On You by Atlas Genius (Start at " 'no' Louis mumbled")
> 
> I Want Crazy by Hunter Hayes (Start when Liam says he hates having to say no to Louis)
> 
> Let Me Love You- Neyo (An alternative to Centered on You/ I Want Crazy BUT REALLY you should just listen to the originals and then this one)
> 
> Oh and last but not least Enough for Now- by The Fray (end credits? idk) because it was a really good inspiration for this chapter and I said I'd include inspirations.

Harry woke up the next morning in a bed that was not his own.

“Fuck,” he groaned to himself as he ran a hand through his hair and then covered his eyes. He was at Nick’s.

He drew in a shaky breath and shook his head disappointedly as he moved to sit at the edge of the bed, realizing that he was only in his underwear. He quickly scrambled to his feet and threw on his clothes as fast as possible before he paced by the door nervously before he ultimately decided to walk out.

Unfortunately he couldn’t make the clean break he was hoping for because Nick was lounging on the couch drinking a mug of coffee, apparently waiting.

“Shit,” Harry mumbled under his breath.

“ ‘m sorry did I ruin your clean get away?” Nick asked sarcastically before he tossed something at Harry. His keys. He caught them before they could scratch his face.

Harry took another deep breath and rolled his shoulders and head back, signaling he was braving himself for Nick’s storm.

“Do you have any idea what happened last night?” Nick asked, shutting off the TV and sitting up.

Harry shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.

It was Nick’s turn to draw in a deep breath. He closed his eyes and pressed down on his lids with his finger tips.

“Please try to think,” Nick said as he pulled his hands down his face slowly, not wanting to be the one to have to recount the horror of last night.

Harry looked down and studied the carpet in thought. He visibly shuddered as the memories came rushing back. He clenched his jaw as he lifted his eyes to look at Nick.

“From what you told me, you left before you could see him in the hospital. You went to the bar and got plastered and called me.”

Harry broke their eye contact and looked at the ground again, this time with guilt.

“Did we . . .?” He asked.

“No. Not that you didn’t want to,” Nick snarked.

They were silent for a while before Nick broke it telling Harry that he needed to go get his car from the bar.

“Could you . . .?” Harry asked with the slightest twinge of hope in his eyes that Nick would take him.

“I shouldn’t,” Nick paused, “but whatever.”

 

 

They found themselves in another awkward silence that stretched on for ten minutes of the ride before Harry broke.

“I’m sorry, Nick,” he said, unsteadied by the cold shoulder Nick was giving him.

Nick rolled his eyes and neck, refusing to acknowledge Harry.

“Did I do something last night to upset you? Why are you so mad at me?”

“It’s not what you did _last night_.”

Harry turned and looked at him, eyebrows crushed together in confusion.

Nick rolled his eyes again and let out a frustrated sigh, “Are you really that bloody stupid? What were you doing this morning when I caught you?”

Harry thought a minute then unscrunched his eyebrows and leaned back into his seat.

“Nick,” he said in a sigh.

“Don’t,” Nick said holding up his hand.

“You’ve _been_ doing this, Harry. This push and pull game. And I’ve let you because you’ve been going through a lot but I’m done. I thought after last night you’d at least want to stick around and talk but instead I find you trying to sneak out like I’m some bloody one night stand.”

Harry tried to think of something to say but all his words mixed and got caught in his throat.

“I’m sorry that I made you feel like that,” is the best he could do.

“Oh fuck you Harry,” Nick spat.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Harry shot back at him.

Nick pulled over abruptly and turned to face him. Harry looked back at him bewildered.

“You’re a complete,” Nick seethed, unable to think of a word.

“I have been nice and patient and kind . . . but God help me I want to bloody murder you right now.”

Harry just continued to look at him with confusion.

“I _liked_ you, ok? I was near _falling in love with you_. I cared like a fucking idiot. I wanted you. Even though I knew it was stupid. Even though I knew I’d get hurt. I fucking wanted you. I would have done anything. Like get in a band-aid relationship with you and have sex with you to make you feel better until you got your act together and figured out that Louis was your bloody soul mate,” Nick confessed.

“But you never said anything. You told me I should get back with him,” Harry said to the dash.

“Because I didn’t want you to feel bad about it. God knows I felt awful for breaking you two up in the first place. I thought if you got back together then it would cancel everything out.”

It was quiet for a long moment.

“I cared about you too, you know. And I liked you too. I’m not completely emotionless, Nick. You’re my best friend. I wouldn’t just use you like that,” Harry said quietly.

“But you did.”

Another quiet pause.

“I’m sorry. For hurting you. For making you feel bad. For being a terrible friend. I should have been there for you like you were for me. I’m sorry.”

Yet another pause, this  time one of consideration.

“Thank you. That’s all I wanted,” Nick said as he started the car and got them back on the road.

 

 

“So what happens now that you’ve got your car and an out again?” Nick asked when they arrived at the bar.

Harry kicked at the gravel with his boot and his hands in his pockets and looked up at Nick.

“I don’t know,” he said honestly because he really didn’t know.

“Are you gonna like disappear again,” Nick asked biting his lip.

Harry looked up at him and bit down on his tongue.

“No,” he finally said.

“Ok,” Nick nodded, “So where does that leave us?”

“I don’t know. I need time, to like figure all of this out,” Harry paused, “But I still wanna talk and check in to see how you’re doing and stuff. I promise I won’t run off and disappear again.”

Nick gave him a small smile.

“Thanks for everything,” Harry said as he stepped in to hug him. Nick was apprehensive at first but then he found himself hugging Harry back. He put his face down on Harry’s shoulder and felt Harry’s pats on his back.

“Please don’t leave again,” Nick whispered.

“I won’t, I promise,” Harry said back.

Soon enough, the hug was over and they were in their respective cars, waving each other off and pulling out of the parking lot.

 

***

 

It was hospital protocol that Louis stay in 72 hours after his ‘incident’, as his mandated psychiatrist referred to it. He actually found it to be kind of peaceful. Sure he was held up on the psych floor with the loonies but fortunately he didn’t have to interact with any of them much.

Liam, Niall, and Zayn visited him every day. They were all a bit nervous and awkward at first but after a few minutes they would fall into comfortable conversation about the hospital life and what was going on outside. No one dared to mention Harry’s absence.

On the second day, as Liam was heading out, Louis’s therapist approached him and asked if they could talk for a moment. Liam agreed and the therapist led them to some chairs lined on the wall.

“So can I ask which one you are?” The therapist asked him.

Liam looked at her confusedly.

“Most of my time with Louis has been spent talking about his four best mates. I’d take it from the amount of extra time you spend in his room that you’re one of the ex-boyfriends; either Liam or Harry.”

Liam looked visibly uncomfortable at this, “Um- I’m –uh-Liam.”

“Ok,” the doctor smiled, “Well it’s nice to meet you. I was hoping you were Liam.”

Liam gave her a closed-mouth fake smile and nod.

“The reason I wanted to talk to you is because, as I’m sure you already know, Louis’s going through a rough patch right now and he needs a good support system. We haven’t really gotten to talking about his family much but he _has_ told me that they live in Doncaster and he’s not really big on contacting them at the moment. Since he’s an adult, he can legally walk right out of here tomorrow on his own but,” she paused, “I just don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Liam shook his head, “If you’re asking me to let you guys commit him-“

“No,” The doctor smiled at him, “He’s not to _that_ level. What I’m saying is he needs a rock. And from what he’s told me, you’re that rock. He’s gonna need a lot of help even if he insits that he doesn’t and I’m asking that you step up and be there for him.”

She waited for Liam to say something but he just stared down at his folded hands in his lap.

“I know it’s a lot to ask but he really does need someone to help him through this right now. If it’s too much, there are other options like a rehabilitation center-“

“No,” Liam interrupted her, “ I’m not gonna let him get sent away.”

She nodded sympathetically, “Ok. Well like I said he can legally walk out of here and drop everything if he wants but I seriously recommend that he at least seeks outpatient therapy. There are a lot of things that he needs to work out and if he just continues down the road that he was on before this happened it’s bound to happen again.”

Liam was the one to nod quietly this time.

“Well thank you for your time Liam,” she said with a pat to his shoulder, “it was very nice to meet you.”

Liam nodded again and waited for her to walk away before he released the breath he didn’t know he was holding and left.

 

***

 

He came back the next afternoon at 3 o’clock sharp to pick Louis up.

“You get to go home today,” He said with a big grin.

“I know!” Louis beamed.

Liam moved Louis’s things out to his car while Louis said his goodbyes to the nurses and the few sane people he’d met on the floor.

When they’d both settled in, Liam asked where he wanted to go and Louis shrugged. He asked if he wanted to get something to eat, which made Louis’s eyes drop as he shook his head. Liam quickly apologized and pulled out of the parking lot.

“Do you want to go home?” Liam asked.

Louis shrugged again.

They drove without talking for a bit while Louis fiddled with the radio.

“So um- ‘m gonna stay in London,” Liam threw out nonchalantly.

Louis paused and looked at him for a moment before he frowned and went back to messing with the radio. Liam glanced at him then looked back at the road.

“Did you hear me?” Liam asked.

“Yeah, I heard you,” Louis answered.

Liam glanced at him again. He was still messing with the damn radio. Liam turned it off which earned a scowl from Louis.

“I’m doing this for you ya know,” Liam said, eyes still on the road.

“You shouldn’t. You should just go to Wolverhampton and be happy or whatever,” Louis said looking out the window.

“Did you really not call your mom?” Liam blurted.

Louis instantly prickled at the subject and turned and frowned at him again, “We’re _not_ talking about that. But no, I didn’t.”

“You should call her or at least call the girls,” Liam pressed.

“What did I just say!” Louis snapped.

“Ok,” Liam said putting his hands up.

They drove in silence for a few beats before Louis spoke.

“Why are you  even staying anyways?”

“I told you I’m staying for you.”

“But why? When I asked you before you said no. Why is your answer different now?”

Liam remained silent and Louis left the question to dangle in the air so Liam could be the one to feel uncomfortable this time.

“You _know_ why,” Liam finally broke.

“I’m not just gonna let you stay here out of guilt and some kind of bullshit dedication to me, Liam.”

“You’re not ‘letting me’ do anything, Louis. This is my decision. And you can’t stay by yourself.”

“Excuse me?” Louis scoffed.

Liam parked in front of Louis’s flat.

“I’ve already kind of moved in by the way, I hope that’s ok.”

Louis just continued to scowl at him, arms crossed over his chest, lips fixed in a closed pout.

“You’re doctor was the one that recommended it. I probably should have said something earlier but we only talked about it yesterday and-“

“No,” Louis mumbled.

“What?”

“No,” Louis repeated louder, “ I’m sorry, Li but no. I’m glad that you’ve been all supportive these last couple days but I’m not ready.”

“I thought this was what you wanted.”

“I did. Or at least I thought I did but not like this.”

Liam rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh, “God Louis how many times do I have to tell you that this isn’t a pity thing?”

“Until it’s not bullshit, Liam! I asked you to stay before and you said no. You left me. You ran away and started a new life. I begged you to come back and you still left anyways. Now you’re all big on being a part of my life again all of a sudden just because I almost died.”

“Why are you trying to start a fight with me?” Liam asked quietly

Louis sat back and folded his arms across his chest again and stared out of the window.

“If you really don’t want me here then fine I’ll take my stuff out but I’m not just gonna leave you alone, Louis.”

Louis took a deep breath. “I don’t want you here because I don’t want to let you in again, Liam. I opened up to you that night more than I’d opened up to anyone for a long time, even Harry. You knew how much I fucking needed you and you just walked away. You made me love you. You made me let you in and then you just fucking walked away.”

Liam wanted so badly to tell Louis that that wasn’t fair. That Louis had hurt him too. The lying, the cheating, all of the pushing him away and making him feel like he wasn’t enough despite all of his efforts; Louis wasn’t the only one that had gotten burned by all of this. But Liam kept it at bay. He wasn’t gonna fight Louis, not now.

He leaned over and grabbed Louis’s tiny, cold hand and gave it a small squeeze.

“I’m sorry. I love you and if I could take back everything that happened that night I would. God, I so would. I should have been there for you that night. I shouldn’t have turned away and let you leave my flat. I’m sorry and I’ll always be sorry for that. But I’m here now. Please, Lou just let me be here; let me help you.”

Louis stared out of the window the whole time, chewing the thumb nail on his other hand. He didn’t hold Liam’s hand back, but he didn’t take his away either.

“What about the girl?” Louis asked the window quietly.

“We’re finished,” Liam said with another squeeze.

“Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’?”

“Why did you dump her?”

“Because I need to be here for _you_.”

“You can’t just do that to people, Liam.”

“She understands, Lou. And this isn’t about her anyways.”

Louis gently tugged his hand away from Liam’s grasp. Liam frowned.

“I just need some space right now, ok? Time to think.”

“Louis-“

“Please,” Louis said finally locking eyes with Liam.

“Please don’t start pushing me away again.”

Louis closed his eyes and sighed.

“I know everything’s really complicated right now and you feel like you’re losing your grip but I feel like that too. I know I’m supposed to be strong and everything but I get lost too sometimes and I need this to work just as much as you do. You don’t wanna get back together? Fine. You want me to stay out of your way? That’s ok too but please don’t ask me to leave you alone again because I hate having to say no to you,” Liam gave him a small smile and tried to look under his fringe that was now covering his eyes.

Louis gave him a small smirk and Liam brought a hand to his cheek.

“No more fighting. No more hurting each other. No more bad. I just want to love you and take care of you and make sure that you’re ok and it’d be so much easier if you would just let me.”

Another silence fell between them then. Liam waited hesitantly, silently begging Louis to please just give him another chance, to let him fix things. Louis sat reviewing everything over and over in his head, weighing his options.

 

“Ok,” Louis finally whispered, “Ok.” He figured if Liam was willing to take him like this, fucked up, flawed and fragile, who the hell was he to say no? His doctor had told him that morning that he needed support and really Liam was all he had left right now. He needed to let go. He needed to be able to breathe again and this was his chance so he took it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I want give a massive thank you to each and every one of you that are still reading. I know I've personally gone back and read start to finish and wondered sometimes why the hell anyone would like this fic. You guys truly don't understand how excited I get when I get an email on my phone from ao3 whether it's a comment or a kudos or bookmark whatever bc it tells me that I'm doing something right. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter convincing me not to end the fic because although I strongly considered that ending it wasn't the right thing the night after I posted it, I still had my doubts on whether or not keeping it going was worth it either.
> 
> The jury's still out on how many chapters are left because the fic may not have reached it's ending point yet but it is getting there. I can't say when the next update will be for sure because school starts back up for me next week but at least we can all rest easy knowing that LMBETL isn't done just yet. Thanks again for all of your support and feel free to leave me feedback even when I'm not threatening to end the fic haha.


	28. Just Say Yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening recommendation:
> 
> Parachute by Ingrid Michaelson (for the opening)
> 
> What If This Storm Ends/The Lightening Strike by Snow Patrol (Start at "Liam followed")
> 
> Drifting Further Away by Powderfinger (Start at "Liam debated")
> 
> 1901 D.L.I.D Remix by Phoenix ("The two trudged")
> 
> For the First Time by the Script ("Give me the damn pasta")
> 
> Pompeii by Bastille ("oh," Liam blushed")
> 
> Credits/ Theme: Just Say Yes by Snow Patrol

“Lou, could you come out here please,” Liam had called to him later that evening. Louis had been cooped up in his room all day but Liam decided to give him his space since he _had_ just come back from a 3 day stint in the hospital where people were in his face literally all day. But now they needed to talk again.

He had to wait a minute but Louis eventually came trudging out and flopped down on the love seat opposite the couch he was sitting on.

“I think we should talk,” Liam started.

“I don’t want to talk anymore,” Louis said crossing his arms.

“Ok, well can you listen please?” Liam had spent most of his time since they got back to the flat researching how to help a recovering anorexic and cutter and had ultimately come to the conclusion that this was mainly about control. When Harry cheated on him, Louis’s world had started to slip more and more from his grasp and the partying and cutting and starving were his way to gain a bit of leverage and deflect his pain, not him just being a defiant prat.

Louis didn’t say anything but he did unfold his arms and fold his knee under his chin. Liam took it as a silent signal that he would listen.

“So you get that I’m here for you and I want to help you right?” Liam asked slowly.

Louis nodded once.

“And you know that you can talk to me when ever about what ever?”

Another more slow and hesitant nod.

“And this is your territory and the last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. But I think we should have some rules, ok?”

Louis rolled his eyes, dropped his knee back to the ground, and refolded his arms. He was going back to the defensive and Liam could tell he was teetering on the edge of shutting down.

“Not like bad rules, not rules at all. That’s not a good word. Um, how about guidelines?”

Louis didn’t respond but he didn’t laugh in Liam’s face and walk away yet either so Liam continued.

“You need to start eating again and you need to keep it down.”

Louis looked up at Liam quickly then back down at the ground.

“And I need you to promise me that you won’t hurt yourself anymore.”

This earned a very deep scowl from Louis.

“I need you to promise me, Louis. I already told you that you can talk to me whenever you need to. If you feel like hurting yourself just come to me instead.”

“It’s not that simple,” Louis said quietly, maybe more to himself than to Liam.

“Well can you at least try? Please?”

Louis just let out a hard sigh in return.

“Look, I know you don’t like this. And I know it feels like I’m taking everything away even though I just got here but I really need you to at least try,” Liam said softly.

Louis still didn’t respond but he shifted back to his folded, knee under chin position that let Liam know that he was at least considering it.

“We can start eating together again too, if that’s ok with you.”

Liam saw a little glint in his eyes at that. It was small and quick but it was something.

“Are you gonna like force feed me and check my arms all the time now?” Louis asked.

Liam couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or if he was serious but he answered anyways.

“No. I want us to eat together but I’m not gonna force you to eat. And I know checking you would make you uncomfortable so I won’t do that either,” Liam paused, “I just ask that since I’m not checking, you don’t cut and if you do at least tell me so we can talk about it.”

Louis put his head back down on top of his knee and Liam caught a muffled “ok”.

“Thank you,” Liam breathed a sigh of relief, “What do you want for dinner?”

“ ‘m not hungry,” Louis mumbled into his knee.

“Louis you haven’t eaten since before we left the hospital,” Liam countered.

“You clearly haven’t had a tube shoved up your nose, pumping you up all day and night. I’m not in the mood to eat. I want to go back to bed.”  He was starting to get snappy again.

“You can go to bed after dinner,” Liam said, “I went to the store this morning before I picked you up because you had basically no food and I got a lot of good stuff. Please try something at least.”

Louis picked up his head and looked at him skeptically before he tore out of the living room and into the kitchen. Liam followed and found him staring wide-eyed into the fridge at all of the food.

“What the fuck,” was all Louis said.

“It’s not like we’re gonna eat all of it tonight,” Liam said. Louis could have at least said thank you.

“I don’t eat steak. Or ham. Or hotdogs,” Louis said before he shut the fridge doors and went to survey the cupboards. Liam had put in cereals and pastas and rice and potatoes and countless other things that bothered Louis.

“You do know that it’s just us here, not a fucking family of eight,” Louis sneered over his shoulder.

“Ok, I’ll admit that it’s a bit much but at least you have options. Like tonight we can either have pasta or veggie burgers,” Liam supplied.

Louis scowled at him once again, “Neither.”

“Pick one, Louis,” Liam said, a bit more pressed and frustrated this time.

“A sandwich,” Louis said crossing his arms over his chest. Back to defense.

“What?”

“I’ll eat a _sandwich_ ,” Louis repeated firmly.

Liam wanted to tell Louis that he could have a sandwich tomorrow for lunch because a sandwich was not dinner but he swallowed it back. He didn’t really know how far Louis’s boundaries went with this so he figured if he was at least offering to eat _something_ it was better than nothing.

“Ok, what kind?” Liam asked.

“I want to make it,” Louis said back quickly.

Liam opened his mouth to speak but he shut it as Louis whipped around after trying to open the locked utensil drawer.

“Did you put locks on my drawers?” Louis screeched, “And my fucking glass cabinet? What the fuck!”

Liam stared at the ground.

“I’m not a fucking looney toon, Liam. How could I possibly hurt myself with a spoon?”

“You could burn yourself,” Liam said quietly.

Louis hardened at this and the frown on his face got deeper as he set his jaw and his eyes got even more angry.

“I don’t _do_ that.”

Liam just continued to stare down at the kitchen tiles like they’d give him something to say.

“I’m not a fucking child, Liam. This is _my_ house and I want these damn locks off of my drawers and cabinets now!” Louis snapped.

“Stop yelling at me.”

“No! I get to yell because it’s been less than a day and you’re already coming in and taking over everything! Locking the drawers, putting crap in my fridge, telling me what to do. I knew this was a bad idea.”

“I’m _trying_ to take care of you!” Liam snapped back in a shaky voice.

“No! You’re trying to control me!” Louis stormed out of the kitchen and into his room, slamming the door once he was in.

 

Liam debated on whether or not he should follow or give Louis space. One side said that maybe Louis just needed to breathe and adjust. The other part said that he had no idea what the hell Louis was doing in his room and he damn sure wasn’t trying to find his corpse tonight.

“Louis, are you alright in there?” Liam cooed from the other side of the door.

“Goddamn it Liam! Leave me alone!” Louis barked back at him.

If only Louis knew how much his harsh, scalding words tore at him. A small part wanted to just give in and go; screw the fighting and putting up with Louis’s bad attitude. But he couldn’t, no. He needed to be here this time. He’d made a promise.

“No,” Liam said firmly.

“I said leave me _alone_!”

“And I said I’m staying. Please just talk to me Louis. Tell me what’s going on. Why are you so upset?”

“I already told you that I want those fucking locks off the goddamn drawers, Liam! Are you deaf or stupid?”

Liam took a deep breath, “I meant why do you feel like I’m trying to control you? Because I’m trying to keep you safe and healthy?”

“No,” Louis murmered. Finally, the yelling had stopped. Liam could imagine Louis unfolding his arms and going into his knee position on the other side of the door.

“Then why do you feel like that?” Liam pressed.

“Because you’re changing everything,” Louis responded quietly.

“Can we please talk about this,” Liam said pressing his fingertips on the door.

Louis unlocked the door and just as Liam had imagined he was sitting in front of the door with his knees folded under his chin and tear streaks on his face. Liam stepped around him and sat opposite him, cross legged on the floor.

“I want the locks off,” Louis repeated, this time calmly.

“Ok,” Liam paused, “But do you understand why I put them there in the first place?”

Louis took a deep  breath and rolled his eyes, “Yes but I told you I don’t do that.”

“Ok,” Liam said. “Well I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known that it would upset you this much. I’ll take them off tonight.”

“Thank you,” Louis mumbled into his knee.

“You’re welcome. So now that you’ve calmed down, can we please go eat?”

Louis sighed and Liam rose and helped him to his feet.

The two trudged into the kitchen and Louis stood over Liam’s shoulder watching him carefully as he took the locks off of the utensil drawer and glass cabinet. When he was finished, Louis stepped around him to grab a butter knife and bread from one of the cupboards.

Liam busied himself heating up some water to make pasta and glanced over as Louis opened the fridge to take out the peanut butter.

“What the hell,” he heard Louis mumble.

“What now?”

“All of the nutrition labels are gone.”

“I know,” Liam said as he grabbed some pasta from the cupboard.

“Why?” Louis asked, annoyed.

“Why what?”

Louis cut his eyes at him. Liam walked over and gently shut the fridge and removed the peanut butter from Louis’s grasp and placed it on the counter by the bread and knife.

“That stuff doesn’t matter Lou,” He said gently as he returned to his pasta.

Liam heard Louis grumble something under his breath as he reluctantly lined up with Liam at the counter and fixed his sandwich.

Liam tried not to stare but he noticed the little bit of peanut butter Louis was using and how he’d only used one slice of bread that he’d cut in half.

“Louis,” he’d said quietly, eyeing the sandwich then him.

Louis glowered at him before he picked up his plate and tossed it on the table.

Liam drained his pasta and added sauce, and gently put his plate across from Louis’s and sat.

Louis glared at Liam’s plate then at Liam before he picked off a piece of his sandwich.

Liam started to eat but he kept his eyes on Louis’s hands and how the pieces of sandwich never made it into his mouth but instead were made into little balls that got put back on the plate.

“Do you want to try some of my pasta?” Liam tried.

Louis shrugged and kept his eyes fixed on the bread ball he was rolling between his fingers.

“Is there a particular reason that you’re playing with your food instead of eating it?” Liam asked, starting to feel frustrated again.

“Is there a particular reason you’re on my case about everything?” Louis retorted.

Liam rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh.

“Louis,” he said in a warning tone that matched that of a fed up father’s.

“I told you I wasn’t hungry,” Louis shrugged.

“Well could you please eat anyways? It’s been a whole 8 hours since you’ve last eaten.”

“Fine, Liam give me the damn pasta,” Louis said rolling his eyes.

Liam handed him the fork and watched as Louis picked up a piece and slowly brought it up to his mouth.

“Quit watching me,” he said.

Liam got up and walked to get another fork but glanced over his shoulder at Louis putting it in his mouth and chewing with a small smile.

When he sat back down he pushed the plate more towards the middle of the table, closer to Louis so he wouldn’t have to reach as far although Liam thought it was adorable how Louis had to lean over the table, since his arms were shorter, to take his little bites.

Louis gave him a small thankful smirk.

“Ok?” Liam asked. He wasn’t sure if he was asking about the pasta or Louis but he’d let Louis decide how to answer.

“Ok,” Louis smiled back at him.

“Good,” Liam said returning the smile as he picked up a piece of pasta and put it in his mouth.

 

“I’m sorry for being such a brat,” Louis said eventually as he pushed around a piece of pasta on the plate.

“I know,” Liam said looking at the piece too. “I’m sorry about the locks.”

“I know,” Louis said as he picked up the piece with his fork.

Liam picked up his own and they both ate their pieces together.

“Thanks,” Liam said.

“For what?” Louis asked as he picked up another piece.

“For eating with me.”

Louis let out a small smile and blushed as he looked down at the pasta.

“Thanks for putting up with my shit,” he returned.

“I told you I’m all in,” Liam said bumping their knees under the table which made Louis blush again.

The boys finished their pasta in comfortable silence (other than the sound of forks hitting the plate)after that; each with an arm on the table leaning over slightly and their ankles hooked under their chairs and knees pressed against each others, mirrors of each other.

 

They didn’t really say much after dinner either since they were both so exhausted and Liam had finally told Louis that they could call it a day. Louis had disappeared into his room for a bit with the door left open (another guideline Liam had set) before he came back out as Liam was setting up the pull out couch.

“I can’t sleep with the door open,” Louis said feebly, toeing the wood with his sock and holding his hands behind his back like a little kindergartner.

Liam sighed, “Louis.” He’d thought they were finally done fighting for the day.

“Can you sleep in my room with me?”

“I am not sleeping on the floor-“

“In my bed,” Louis said looking up at Liam with a hint of a smirk.

“Oh,” Liam blushed back.

“No funny business,” Louis said over his shoulder as Liam followed him down the hall to his bedroom.

And there wasn’t any funny business. Louis just shut off the light and crawled into bed and Liam got into bed beside him. Again Liam didn’t know the boundaries so he kept his hands to himself until Louis started backing over to his side in the dark and gently lifted one of Liam’s arms and put it around his own tiny body.  Liam couldn’t help but smile. Louis couldn’t either.

Sure this was gonna be tough and Liam had already wanted to kill Louis after the first day but _this_ , this warmth and love and affection that Louis was giving him right now made every fight and cold remark so worth it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly got this done before school started! I meant to post it on Wednesday but I've been busy so I'm posting it today.
> 
> I'll try to find time to work on the next chapter but Idk when that'll be since I'm officially back in school. It should definitely be up by mid September though ! Just keep checking back and once again thanks for reading !


	29. Rocks and the Sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Listening Recommendation:
> 
> Black Flies by Ben Howard (For the opening)
> 
> Little Lion Man by Mumford and Suns (Start at Liam waiting outside Ziall's door)
> 
> Cross My Heart by Mariana's Trench (Start at Liam's realization)
> 
> Acadia by Mariana's Trench (Start at Liam spent the rest of the afternoon)
> 
> Trust Me by the Fray (Start when Liam follows Louis to his room) 
> 
> Credits/End Notes: Rocks and the Sea by Colorfire (for no particular reason other than that I just really like the song and it sounds like a good ending/resolution song)

Things at least _seemed_ to be going well for a week until Liam tried to convince Louis to call his mom again.

Liam told Louis that he would stay in the room and be there for Louis if he needed it, but Louis said that it was something he needed to do alone. And because things had been going so well, Liam had let him close the door while he waited around in the living room.

Twenty minutes had passed by, then thirty, then an hour. Liam didn’t think anything of it. Louis hadn’t spoken to his mom in years. They had a lot of catching up to do. It wasn‘t until it had been nearly two hours that Liam started to get a bit anxious.

“Hey Lou, you alright in there?” He asked through the door.

There was silence on the other side of the door. No talking, no laughing, no crying. Silence.

Liam instantly felt a nervous heat prickle up his neck.

“Louis, is everything ok?” He tried again.

No answer.

Liam burst into the room and was met with a silent darkness that was only broken by the light that crept from under bathroom door.

“Louis,” He said more hastily this time, “Are you ok in there? Can I come in?”

He could hear Louis draw in a shaky breath and sniffle.

“Go away,” Louis said quietly.

“Louis, please talk to me. Tell me what happened.”

“I said _go_ ,” Louis bit, more sharply this time.

Liam frowned at the door, “Can you at least come out here so I know that you’re ok?”

Liam felt a hard _thud_ on the door. Then another and another. Louis was kicking and punching the other side of the door relentlessly to the point that Liam thought he was gonna break it down.

“Louis, stop it!” He yelled, a bit frightened.

“God fucking damnit!” Louis yelled as he continued to abuse the door.

“Louis, please!” Liam plead.

“ **GO AWAY, LIAM! I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU!”** Louis screamed from the other side of the door.

“Stop. You don’t mean that,” Liam said timidly.

Louis threw open the door at this and rushed out and right up to Liam.

“I don’t mean that? I don’t _mean that_? No, I do hate you, Liam! I really fucking hate you and I want you out of my goddamn house!” Louis screamed as tears rushed down his face and he pushed at Liam’s chest.

Liam grabbed Louis’s tiny wrists and scanned over his face silently as Louis continued to curse at him and try to tear his wrists away.

“What is happening right now?” Liam asked.

“I was doing good! You made me think I was getting better! You made me think I could do this! That I could call her! You completely screwed me over, you fucking bastard! If you just wanted to fuck me up again, you should have just left when you had the bloody chance! Why would you do that to me Liam?” Louis cried as he continued to try and tear away his wrists from Liam’s grasp.

“Louis what are you talking about? What did she say?” Liam asked confusedly.

“She called me a weak faggot, Liam. And told me I was a selfish bastard for trying to kill myself because ‘do I not know how bad of a mother I would have made her look like’? And then she said I would have completely fucked up the girls. And God she was so fucking awful,” Louis sobbed as he stopped fighting and let his arms fall to his sides and himself collapse into Liam’s chest.

“Oh,Louis,” Liam said as he pulled Louis in and wrapped one arm around him while he stroked Louis’s hair back with his other hand.

“She was so mean, Li. She hates me. My own mother hates me,” Louis cried into his chest. He was trembling and it broke Liam’s heart so he hugged Louis even tighter.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into Louis’s hair, “I’m so so sorry. I shouldn’t have made you call her. I didn’t know she would be that bad.”

“That’s not the point,” Louis said as he started to step back, “She’s my _mother_ , Liam. The one person on this earth who’s supposed to love me unconditionally is the person that hates me the most.”

Liam frowned at the ground and licked his lips, trying to think of something to say. He never had problems like this with either of his parents. He came from a solid home and a good background. Louis on the other hand, came from divorce and yelling and screaming and being forced to grow up way too young. 

He had to help take care of his sisters while his mom went out and lived the life she had before it got interrupted by having Louis. She always made it clear to him that it was his own fault that her life was ruined and that she was forced to be white trash instead of someone successful. The second Louis had an out, which was leaving for school, he took it. His mom made sure he knew that he was pathetic scum just like his dad for abandoning her and the girls and it hurt Louis, it did. He didn’t want to leave the girls, that was the worst part about it all, but the wrath of his mother was just too much. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“I- I don’t know what to say,” Liam stammered.

“Just leave me alone,” Louis said quietly, looking down at the floor.

“Louis-“

“Please, Liam. You’ve done enough.”

Liam could feel the tears stinging at the back of his eyes. He’d just wanted to help Louis. If he would’ve known how God awful Louis’s mother was he never would have suggested that he call her.

“I’m sorry,” Liam whispered to the ground as he started to walk towards the door.

Louis shut it immediately after Liam was in the hall. Liam didn’t even have the fight left in him to argue that Louis should leave the door open. He just threw himself on the couch and cried until he fell asleep.

 

 

***

 

To say that things were awkward the next day would be an understatement. Louis rushed through his bowl of cereal at breakfast silently while Liam looked around the kitchen nervously as he nibbled on his toast. When he was done, Louis pushed the bowl across the table at Liam to show that he’d eaten it all then went and locked himself in his room again. Liam felt the tears coming on again but blinked them back and focused on the linoleum.

As he finished his toast, he decided he’d give them both a bit of a break and go visit Zayn and Niall.

“Hey Lou, I’m going over to Zayn and Niall’s today. You wanna come?” Liam asked from outside the door. As usual, he received no response.

“You want me to at least deliver a message or anything?” Once again, no response.

“Ok, well I’ll bring dinner home. I’m gonna trust you to eat lunch while I’m gone, ok? Please eat lunch.” Still nothing.

Liam started to walk away but turned around to say one last thing.

“Hey, Lou? I love you and I hope today’s better. I’m here if you need me.”

Nada. Not even an ‘I love you too’ or at least an ‘ok’.  Liam rushed to his car before the tears could start again but by the time How to Save a Life started playing, he lost it.

 

***

 

Liam did his best to clean up his face in the car mirror before he got out but rubbed down his face one more time as he waited outside of the door for one of the boys to answer.

“Have you been crying?” Was the first thing Niall asked when he opened the door, clad only in a pair of grey joggers.

Liam only responded with a groan as Niall opened the door wider to let him in.

“What’s got you so pissy at,” he turned to look at the stove clock, “10 in the morning?”

Liam groaned again, “Just stuff. Where’s Zayn?”

Niall rolled his eyes, “You know Zayn doesn’t get up before 11 on the weekdays. What kind of stuff?”

“You’re not gonna give this up until I tell you, are you?” Liam sighed.

“Nope,” Niall answered, crossing his arms over his chest with a triumphant smile.

“Can we at least wait until Zayn wakes up so I don’t have to retell the story?” Liam asked, trying to buy himself more time before he had to delve into the details.

“Ok,” Niall said as he started to walk down the hall to his and Zayn’s room.

Moments later, he heard the bed creak (he assumed from Niall’s weight) and a low sleepy moan (that he assumed came from Zayn).

“Babe, wot are you doing?” He heard Zayn moan. Niall whispered something.

“Babe, you can’t just start and not finish,” Zayn whined.

“Get up,” Niall responded as he pulled Zayn up from the bed. He literally had to drag Zayn out into the living room and throw him onto the couch, black boxers, boner, messy hair and all.

Liam shot Niall a confused look to which he just shrugged, “You said you wanted him here.”

“Is that Liam?” Zayn asked not even bothering to look up from the couch where he was curling into himself, starting to fall back asleep.

“Yeah, it’s me. Hi Zayn.”

Zayn only responded by throwing his arm up in the air (an attempt at a wave maybe?) and a small groan.

“Sit down and tell us what happened,” Niall said as he went to lay on top of Zayn on the couch. Liam sat on the loveseat opposite them.

Zayn wrapped an arm around Niall’s waist and nuzzled into his neck while Niall planted soft kisses on his temple to try and keep him up. Liam couldn’t decide if he should be enamored with how completely adorable they were or sad that he and Louis weren’t like that anymore.

“I can come back later if you guys-“ Liam started.

“No, it’s ok. Zayn’s already awake and ready to listen, right Zayn?” Niall asked with a pat to Zayn’s knee as he sat up.

Zayn groaned and slowly sat up as well, pulling Niall closer between his legs and putting his arms around his waist with a head on his shoulder.

Liam thought to himself about how literally every position they sat in together looked like they were shooting the beginning a high-end softcore porn scene.

“Come on, out with it then, Payne,” Zayn said, snapping Liam back to the present.

“Oh yeah. Right well, so I’ve been staying with Louis,” Liam started slowly.

“Really?” Niall asked, knotting his eyebrows.

“Yeah.”

“How is he? Is everything ok?” Zayn asked.

“He’s alright. Or well he was up until yesterday,” Liam responded.

“What happened yesterday?” Niall inquired.

“Well I’d been trying to get him to call his mom,” Liam started but was interrupted by a loud sigh from Niall.

“Why?” Niall asked.

“Because a lot happened and I thought that he should tell her and maybe start getting things back right with her, I don’t know,” Liam said a bit defensively.

“Did you forget what a raging bitch she is?” Zayn asked, unknowingly tightening his arms around Niall’s waist as he tensed up. Niall rubbed little circles with his thumb on Zayn’s forearm to try and relax him.

“I didn’t know she was _that_ bad. If I did, I wouldn’t have suggested it.”

“Well what did she say?” Niall asked.

“She called him a slew of terrible things and told him that he was selfish for trying to kill himself and a lot of other horrid things along those lines.”

Zayn and Niall both frowned.

“How did he take it?” Zayn asked.

“He locked himself in the bathroom for two hours then flipped out and said he hated me for making me call her. He hasn’t spoken to me since last night when he told me ‘I’d done enough’. God, I feel so shit,” Liam said running a hand back through his hair.

“It’s ok, Li. It was just a mistake. Louis’s more upset with her than you but you’re the only one he can take it out on. Once he stops being mad, it’ll all be ok again,” Niall piped in.

“No,” Liam said, shaking his head.

“What do you mean ‘no’?”

“He was eating again and not cutting. He was doing so well. He was actually getting better. You didn’t see that devastation last night. She put him right back in square one.”

The realization hit Liam quicker than he could have imagined. Right back in square one. Louis had only just started out his recovery and a blow like this wasn’t something anyone, healthy or not, could just shake off. Yeah, Louis had said he _wanted_ space but had Liam let history repeat itself? Had he just let Louis go _again_? And after only a week.

He tried to tell himself that no, Louis just didn’t like getting emotional with other people but then what had Louis always done to cope in place of talking? God only knew what Louis had been doing since last night. He immediately fished his phone out of his pocket and went outside to call Louis. He picked up on the very last ring.

“What?” Louis spat grumpily into the other end.

“Louis, what are you doing? Are you ok? Do you need me to come home?” Liam asked frantically.

“Did you guys smoke or something? What the hell is wrong with you?” Louis asked, annoyed.

“I’m worried about you, Louis. What happened last night was-“

“Goddamn it Liam, just leave it alone. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“But Louis-“

“I said _no_ ,” Louis snapped with a bite, “What, do you think one stupid conversation is gonna make me go hang myself from the ceiling fan?”

Liam’s eyes widened at the image, “That’s not funny, Louis.”

“Why? Because I tried to kill myself I can’t make jokes about suicide? There you go again telling me what to do, Liam.”

“I’m not-“

“You are.”

A tensious silence fell over them for a moment before Louis broke in again.

“If you have nothing else to say, I’m hanging up.”

“I love you,” Liam tried.

Louis hung up in his face.

 

 “Fucking damnit !” Liam yelled as he stepped back inside the flat.

Zayn and Niall exchanged a concerned look.

“What the hell was that?” Niall asked.

“I think Louis relapsed. And if he hasn’t already, he’s going to,” Liam said unsteadily.

Zayn and Niall exchanged yet another look.

“What do you mean? Like he’s gonna hurt himself again?” Zayn asked.

“Yeah, I don’t know. I hope he doesn’t but he’s been shutting me out and I know this got to him, it had to.”

“Well why don’t you just make him talk?”

“Because it’s Louis. If he doesn’t want to do something he’s not gonna do it.”

“Ok, but if you know that the alternative to him not dealing with it is hurting himself, why wouldn’t  you just make him talk?”

“Because it’s not that simple, Zayn. He has to _want_ to trust me and he has to _want_ to deal with this. I can sit in his face badgering him all day until he talks but in the end it would only be because I forced it out of him, not because he wanted to fix things.”

“So what are you gonna do then?”

Liam let out a hard sigh and threw his hands up, “I don’t know.”

“Look everything is gonna work out, ok? Let’s stop talking about this now because it’s depressing as fuck. You up for some FIFA, Payno?” Niall asked as he finally emerged from Zayn’s embrace and went to get the controllers to get their minds off things.

Liam let out another sigh, “I guess beating your ass would get my mind off things.”

Niall scoffed and the boys all let out a collective laugh.

 

 

Liam spent the rest of the afternoon with the boys, and Niall was right, it did make him feel a bit better. He did feel a small pang in his heart at times watching Niall sit on Zayn’s lap and how they’d kiss each other when one of them beat Liam and how they’d try to mess each other up when they got tired of watching but he did his best to brush it off and focus on the game.

 

When Niall had left to pick them up some lunch, Zayn took the opportunity to finally have a heart-to-heart with Liam.

“Good game,” Liam had said as they finished their match.

“Thanks. Could we talk for a minute though?” Zayn asked, turning from the screen to look at Liam.

“What’s up?” Liam said as he placed the controller on the coffee table.

“I just, I wanna say I’m sorry about everything. For not being there for you and Lou. For not realizing how fucked up things had gotten.”

“Zayn”

“No I mean it, Liam. Harry needed someone there for him but so did you guys. I guess I just kind of assumed that you had each other but I should’ve known that that wasn’t enough.”

“Zayn,” Liam said again.

“And thanks for taking care of Louis. I know you guys have been through a lot these past couple months, but please don’t give up on him, Li. He may not say it, but he needs you. Hell, we all need you. Promise you’ll tell one of us when things get hard instead of running again?”

Liam cracked a small smile, “I promise.”

“Good,” Zayn smiled back and right on cue, Niall was bursting through the door with three subs in hand.

“Subs are here, twats!”

 

The rest of the afternoon passed by pretty quickly and by the time Liam was getting up to leave, it had started to feel like nothing had changed at all. Sure two of the fearsome fivesome were missing, but other than that they were just three stupid best friends hanging out, playing videogames, and cracking up. Niall and Zayn both gave Liam a big hug and words of encouragement about how things were gonna get better before he left.

 

As soon as Liam was inside, he put the Chinese on the counter and went straight to Louis’s still closed door.

“Hey Lou, I’m back. It’s time for dinner,” he said through the door. He heard the bed creak as he walked back to the kitchen.

Louis watched him carefully over his shoulder as Liam dished out his food.

“That’s too much,” Louis grumbled as he was putting a spoon of rice on the plate.

“Louis, it’s the same amount as you’ve been eating every day,” Liam responded as patiently as he could.

“No, it’s not,” Louis argued.

Liam just went along and put three pieces of broccoli on the plate and handed it to Louis. Louis shot him a murderous glare as he yanked his plate and then threw it on the table.

Liam sat down gently in his space across the table and watched as Louis strangely inhaled his food.

“Did you not eat lunch?” Liam asked eventually.

“Yes, I fucking ate lunch Liam. You fucking told me to didn’t you?” Louis shot back around a mouthful of chicken.

Liam looked at him skeptically for a moment and Louis matched his gaze with another cutting glare. Liam was the first to break and went back to eating his dinner.

Louis finished not too long after that and shoved his plate at Liam the way he’d done earlier to show that he’d eaten everything before he got up from the table and locked himself in his room again.

This time though, Liam didn’t finish his meal but followed Louis instead.

“How long are you gonna keep freezing me out Lou?” He said through the door, “Because I know this is bothering you and you’re gonna have to deal with it sooner or later.”

Liam was about to walk away when he made out the very _very_ faint sound of a cough (a retch maybe) through the two doors and running water coming from the bathroom.

Liam was frozen in his tracks long enough to hear the sound again. He went to turn the knob but found that Louis had locked it.

“Louis! Open this door right now!” Liam yelled as he pounded on the bedroom door.

He ran to the kitchen to find the pin key that he’d hidden in the locked knife drawer that unlocked all the doors in the flat.

When he was outside of the bathroom door, he could hear the sound of vomit sloshing in the toilet more clearly.

“Louis!” He yelled as he threw open the door.

Just as he’d expected, Louis was down on his knees bent over the toilet with his finger down his throat. Only reality was so much worse than his expectation because Louis’s eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks were tearstained and his face was so red and God he looked absolutely terrible.

 “Go Liam! Get out of here!” Louis yelled from the floor as he crawled to shut the door.

“Louis, please just talk to me. Why are you doing this?” Liam cried.

“Go! Go away! Leave me alone! Just go!” Louis screamed as he pushed at Liam’s legs, trying to make him move.

Liam sank down to his knees and pulled Louis into him.

“I’m not leaving. I told you that, Louis. Please just talk to me.”

“I fucked up, Liam! I got rid of it. I did this morning, too. And I didn’t eat lunch. And I cut last night,” Louis cried, “I’m sorry Liam. I let you down, too. I’m awful and pathetic just like my mom said.”

“No you are not,” Liam assured him as he cupped both of Louis’s cheeks in his hands.

“You didn’t let me down at all, Louis. You told me and that’s all that matters. I’m so proud of you for telling me,” he said as he pulled Louis back in.

“So you’re not mad?” Louis mumbled into his shoulder.

“No. I’m proud of you for being honest with me.”

This made Louis cry again and Louis’s crying made Liam cry even harder so they sat there crying together on the bathroom floor and just let themselves let go of everything that they’d been holding onto  for the past two days.

 

Louis let Liam sleep in his bed again that night and again there wasn’t any funny business, just cuddling, but Liam could tell that they were making progress. Yes, Louis had purged. And cut. And lied.  And that took them back a lot of steps. But then he’d told Liam the truth and that set them forward a lot more steps. Things were a lot more difficult than Liam had initially thought, but they were getting somewhere and that’s what was really important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skin and Bones by Mariana's Trench was also an inspiration for the bathroom scene at the end but I wanted to save that until you guys had read it. 
> 
> Just kinda sat myself down one day and this happened haha. I actually worked on it over the span of two days and then came back and reviewed it all day today with the songs and I actually really like this update. Even though Ziall's not a main ship in the story, they're actually my favorite couple to write for despite the fact that I generally hate fluff. Idk I guess they're just the silver lining in the storm of all the drama from the other couples and they make me smile. 
> 
> Anywho like I said before, updates are probably gonna be kind of sporadic because of school but I promise not to take more than 3 weeks max to update. I wanted to end it at 31 chapters but that doesn't seem too tangible anymore because of Louis's relapse and the fact that I have more plots so now I'm aiming for maybe 32 or 35. Idk we'll just have to see but as always thanks for reading :)
> 
>  
> 
> UPDATE (OCT 7): Sorry it's taking me so long to update yall! I've been really busy with school but I'm sitting down and working on Chapter 30 right now I swear! No promises, but it should be up within the next 2 weeks! Once again I'm really sorry for the wait! I know I hate it when I have to wait months for updates on a fic but I promise I'm gonna make the next chapters detailed and lengthey since I made you guys wait so long!


	30. Every Teardrop is A Waterfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Listening Recommendations:
> 
> Promise by Ben Howard (for the opening)
> 
> The Trapeze Swinger by Iron and Wine (Start at "Liam sat alone")
> 
> Under the Same Sun by Ben Howard (Start when Liam says thanks and apologizes for being a prick)
> 
> Own It by Drake (Start when Louis looks down at his lips the second time in the last scene or at 3:16 of Under the Same Sun whichever comes first)
> 
> Life in Technicolor (I or II you decide) by Coldplay (for the credits/ end chapter notes)

 

“Can you please eat, Lou?” Liam asked as calmly as he could. It had been three days since the bathroom breakdown and Louis was already starting to revert back to his old ways. He’d started eating less and less until he wasn’t eating at all and started wearing more concealing clothes when he and Liam went to bed and would flinch when Liam touched certain spots on his arms and hips.

“No,” Louis sighed, “I told you I’m not hungry.”

“Are you still upset about the mom thing?”

“No!” Louis shot back defensively. “How many times do I have to say I’m not hungry before you get off my fucking case, Liam! God!”

“I wouldn’t ‘be on your case’ if you would just eat, Louis! I know you’re lying because you haven’t eaten all week! I see the way you push the food around on your plate. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to be mad at me again but enough’s enough. If you don’t want to help yourself, maybe they can help you in Pasadena. Is that what you want? For me to send you to rehab?”

“Fuck you,” Louis spat as he started to walk away, “I didn’t ask you to be here, Liam. I’m not your charity case to save or you’re fucking child to send away because I won’t do what you say.”

“But actually you _did_ ask me to be here though,” Liam shot at his back.

“Excuse me?” Louis asked as he whipped around.

“When you tried to off yourself after I said I was leaving, that was you asking me to be here. I dropped everything for you and I never asked for anything in return. I take every verbal lashing you throw at me and every hit you give when you push me away, and I do it all without complaining because I know you need me even if you won’t admit it. And you don’t have to, that’s not what I’m asking for. All I ask is that you just _eat_ ,” Liam said, taking a deep breath with the last sentence.

Louis shook his head incredulously at Liam’s boldness. He huffed and walked down the hall where he slammed his bedroom door as loudly and dramatically as possible.

Liam took another deep breath and ran his hands through his hair and down his face as he debated on his next move. They were supposed to be making progress. They’d _been_ making progress, but it seemed like every time they took a step forward, something knocked them three steps back.

“Louis,” Liam said quietly, from the other side of the door after he’d eventually decided to follow.

“Go away, Liam,” Louis said, his voice venomous and shaking in anger and hurt.

“Louis please I’m-“

“Go!” Louis shouted.

Liam knew exactly what he’d just done and how Louis was coping behind the closed door. He knew in a perfect, simple world, he’d burst through the door, scoop Louis up into his arms and hold him while he shook and cried and they’d both apologize for being so mean and then they’d go to bed and cuddle again but this wasn’t a perfect, simple world and that wasn’t going to happen this time.

If Liam was going to be honest, he was kind of starting to run out of patience and maybe Pasadena was starting to morph from a scary threat into a nearing reality. He loved Louis and he wanted to do everything he could to get him better but he didn’t know how much longer he was going to be able to deal with the slammed doors and yelling and fighting.

At the start, he’d secretly hoped to get back together with Louis but he knew that Louis wasn’t ready for all of that again yet, so he kept his feelings at bay. But the longer they lived together and Louis treated him poorly, the more his feelings started to wane and now Liam was starting to question if he even felt that way about Louis anymore.  Sure they cuddled most nights (when they weren’t fighting) but it felt kind of . . . platonic. They’d never really fooled around much when they were actually together but that didn’t mean that Liam didn’t miss the kissing and lusty grinding they _had_ gotten to. He was a man after all!

With all of these confusing and conflicting thoughts raging on in his head, Liam walked out of the flat and dragged his feet to his car where he sat with his head on the steering wheel for a bit before he finally grew his balls back and drove.

 

***

 

 

Liam was kind of surprised when Zayn told him that Harry wasn’t staying with Nick anymore but was a bit proud at the same time that he was starting to get his shit together and learn right from wrong.

Well at least he _thought_ Harry was learning right from wrong, until he showed up on his doorstep and heard loud _female_ screams escaping from within.

Liam knocked and got a shouted “Just a minute!” in return.

“Oh, God, yes, Harry, omygod, yes, yes, yes!”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck gonna cum gonna cum!”

“Yes mm yeah come on yeah come on baby”

Knock.

“Goddamnit hold on!” The female moan-yelled.

“Fuuuuuck,” He heard Harry groan. There were muffled whispers before he heard a door close inside and he only had to wait a few moments before a messy haired, glistening, half naked Harry opened the door.

He gave Liam a once over as he pulled at his lips with one hand and ran his other through his hair.

“Busy with company?” Liam asked sarcastically.

“What’s it to you?” Harry snarked, “What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you about Louis.”

Harry clenched his jaw as his whole body tensed up and he gave Liam another once over accompanied with a frown that reminded Liam of an offended dog.

Harry started to shake his head but Liam told him that it was important.

“Fine,” Harry said irritatedly as he opened the door wider to let Liam inside. He nodded over to the couch and told Liam to have a seat while he walked down the hall to the closed bedroom door, opened it, and shut himself inside.

Liam sat alone in silence and a few minutes later, Harry and a short, tan blonde in a pink tank top and white short shorts emerged, Harry holding her hand as he lead her to the door. He gave her a quick peck and wished her safe travels before it was just him and Liam alone in the flat and he took his seat across from Liam.

“She’s cute,” Liam said, trying to cut down the tension.

Harry rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair. “So what did you need to tell me about Louis?” he asked, getting right down to the real reason Liam was there.

Liam sighed and mirrored Harry as he sat back in his chair and rubbed the back of his neck, “How did you do it?”

“How did I do what?”

“When he was sick while you guys were together, how did you hang in there for so long?”

Harry shrugged as he moved his eyes to the ground and sighed, “Because I love him and I knew that’s just what he was, _sick._ Don’t get me wrong, it was nowhere near easy. He’d be a right twat and push me away so much that I really had to fight leaving,” he paused.  “But I knew he needed me so I forced myself to suck it up and stay. I mean at least you can come and ask for help but I didn’t have that option because he made me promise not to tell you guys.”

“I just- I don’t know how much longer I can take it you know?”

Harry shook his head and sighed again, “I really hope you’re not thinking about leaving him again.”

Liam didn’t respond and continued to stare at the ground.

“Liam. Come on you can’t do that. Especially after the way you got on me when I left the hospital.”

“That was so different,” Liam countered.

“You’re right because he didn’t need me there. He needs you now. You can’t just turn your back on him because your feelings are hurt. I’ve been there before Liam, I know just how awful and cruel he can be but he’s _scared_. It’s probably worse with you given everything that’s happened but you can’t just give up on him because things are too hard.”

“But I’m always telling him I’m not leaving and that I love him and I just want to see him get better but it just makes him push me away even more, like I just don’t get it.”

“Because he doesn’t know how to trust you anymore. You probably said all that same stuff when you guys were together and then you ended up leaving anyways. So since he knows it’s bull already, he’s trying to keep you at a distance so he’s not as hurt when you leave again.”

“He cheated on me! I got hurt too! But I don’t even get to be upset about it because it’s all about him.”

“You did get to be upset about it, though. When you went on your little tantrum and punched me and then ran away to Wolverhampton for 3 weeks. I’m not saying that what he did was at all excusable, and I’m sorry about that by the way, but he was scared then too. You told him that you loved him and it confused him and he was scared about disappointing you when he couldn’t say it back so he decided to fuck things up and make you mad so he wouldn’t have to deal with it.”

Liam let out a little chuckle, “You know him so well.”

“Well I mean I did date the kid for two years. We’re like the same person almost.”

“Did you ever think about Pasadena?” Liam asked cautiously.

Harry’s frown returned, “Yeah but I couldn’t do that to him. It’s basically the same thing as walking away.”

“So then how did he get better?”

“I don’t know. It was a really long, tough process. Even when we broke up, I knew things still weren’t completely ok. But he could see how much him hurting was hurting me and we fought a lot and I threatened to send him to Pasadena too which made him shut down but then he came back and begged me not to. He promised he’d eat and talk to a counselor and it worked for a bit but then when we cut back a bit, he started to fall right back in. I don’t know. I don’t really think it’s something someone ever _completely_ comes back from. He just learned how to cope I guess. Until all this happened.”

They both sat in silence as Harry reflected on the memories of the ‘Dark and Twisties’ and Liam let all of the information sink in.

“Look, like I said, I know it’s hard and I’d be a hypocrite to blame you for wanting to leave since I basically did the same thing but I promise you at the end, when he’s starting to get better, it’ll all be worth it. You just gotta give it time.”

“Thanks. I’m sorry for being such a prick about everything before.”

Harry shrugged, “You didn’t know. I’m sorry for leaving you with the mess I made. And sleeping with him.”

Liam nodded, silently, “We should just start over.”

“Deal,” Harry said, as he leaned forward to shake Liam’s hand.

“So who was that little blonde that ran out of here?” Liam asked, changing the subject.

Harry smiled as he blushed and leaned back, putting his hands behind his head, “Her name’s Amber. Great fuck.”

Liam shook his head, “Back to your old ways then?”

“I mean it’s not like I’m sleeping with _everyone._ I’m just enjoying being single.”

“No Nick?”

“We’re taking a break, I guess. Well I mean I don’t even know if we’re gonna get back together but I just need time to be alone right now. I thought about it, and I haven’t really had time to like grow up and be single and on my own. I dated Louis right out of high school and went right to living with him and when we broke up, I squatted at Zayn and Niall’s for a bit, then went straight to Nick. This is the first time that I’ve gotten a chance to live alone and be a single, grown up man. I kind of like my new found freedom, actually,” Harry admitted with a small smile.

Liam smiled and nodded back, “Well that’s good. I guess I better be heading back, then.”

Harry nodded at him and got up to walk him to the door.

“It’ll all work out, Li. Just hang in there,” Harry said as he stepped forward slowly to give him an encouraging hug. It was timid and tense at first on both ends but they held on and began to relax as all the drama of the past months started to wash away from them.

“Thanks,” Liam whispered.

“Thanks for taking care of him,” Harry whispered back as he stepped back and Liam finally left.

 

***

 

When Liam got back, he went straight to Louis’s bedroom where Louis laid hidden underneath the sheets watching TV in the dark. Liam turned on the bedside lamp and turned the TV off as he laid down beside Louis and pulled him into a cuddle.

“What the hell are you doing?” Louis asked grumpily as he folded his arms, but didn’t remove himself from Liam.

“I’m sorry for threatening to send you away to Pasadena,” Liam said, ignoring him.

Louis rolled his eyes even though he knew Liam couldn’t see him because he’d already known that Liam had been bullshitting him.

“Yeah whatever.”

“Can you please look at me?” Liam asked.

Louis rolled his eyes again and reluctantly rolled over so that he was facing Liam, leaving their faces merely inches apart.

“I love you and I told you I’m not leaving. I’ll tell you that every day if that’s what you need me to do but I just want you to get better.”

Louis looked down at his lips for a moment then back up at his eyes.

“Don’t yell at me anymore. And threaten to leave. Love me and cuddle with me. I like nice you,” Louis said as he wriggled even closer and grabbed Liam’s hands into his own.

“I’m only like that when you’re a prat.”

“Which is all the time but I’m trying, Li. I promise I am. I can’t _just eat_ and not hurt myself. It’s so much more complicated than that.”

“But did you _really_ try this week though?” Liam countered.

Louis looked down at their legs that were wrapped around each other’s in guilt, “No. But it was because you made me mad.”

“But Louis you can’t just drop all your progress and shut down because you’re upset with me.”

“Did you not hear what I just said? I have to _force_ myself to eat and keep the food down. I literally have to _fight_ the urge to cut. It’s not just some easy thing for me Liam. It’s hard. And I’m doing it for you. If I’m mad at you, what’s the point?”

“This isn’t about making me happy, Lou. It’s about getting you healthy.”

Louis looked down again and let out a small sigh.

Liam picked his chin up so that their eyes met again, “I just want you to be ok, Lou. For you, and for me if that’s what makes you happy, but I’ll be really happy when you’re happy. So try again. For us.”

Louis gave him a soft smile in agreement before he rested his forehead beside Liam’s chin. Liam wrapped his arms around him and kissed his forehead.

“I love you,” he whispered into Louis’s hair.

Louis looked up into his eyes and then at his lips again and raised his head and slowly leaned back down to kiss Liam.

It was slow and deep and passionate as they communicated everything they couldn’t say out loud. An ‘ _I’m sorry and I love you too. Please don’t give up on me’_ from Louis and an ‘ _It’s ok. I promise I won’t’_ from Liam. They laid there just kissing innocently until Louis fell asleep and Liam tucked him back under his arms and followed suit, falling asleep not too long after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow so sorry that it took me so long to update! I've been really busy with school stuff and I never really got a chance to work on an update but I sat down these past two days and was like "Ok, I'm going for it" and this happened.
> 
> I'm trying really hard to stick to my premade chapter templates which means we're nearing the final 3 chapters. I'm thinking about including like a blooper chapter at the end for extra/alternate scenes that I typed up but went back and got rid of and ideas of scenes that I'd had but didn't use bc I didn't think they'd mesh. Actually scratch that I'm confriming that it WILL be included so there you go.
> 
> And p.s. Andre, if you're reading this, don't think I forgot about your comment aka the best comment of all time! I have a surprise at the very end that I'll reveal in the last chapter just for you!
> 
> Anyways, as always thank you guys for still reading and dealing with my sporadic updates. Hope you enjoyed the update and I'll try not to take as long next time.


	31. The Final Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Listening Recommendations:
> 
> Lie in the Sound by Trespassers William (For the beginning scene)
> 
> Do I Wanna Know by Arctic Monkeys (Start at the first set of stars)
> 
> Read All About it by Emeli Sande (Start at "Liam felt like someone had just punched him")
> 
> Butterfly Culture by Benjamin Francis Leftwich (Start at the final scene when Liam follows Louis into the hallway)
> 
> The Mixed Tape by Jack's Mannequin (for the end notes/ credits)

Liam couldn’t lie, he liked kissing Louis. _A lot._ And after they’d kissed in Louis’s bed that night, two weeks ago, it seemed like they could never _stop._ They gave each other good morning kisses, goodnight kisses, ‘thanks for making breakfast’ kisses, ‘thanks for eating all your food and keeping it down’ kisses. So. Much. Kissing. And maybe the kissing was cutting down all their pent up sexual frustration because their incessant fighting finally seemed to stop. Sure, Louis did complain a few times when he wasn’t hungry and Liam would ask him to eat anyways, but the all out screaming matches and slammed doors had finally started to die down.

At least for a little bit, until the night that Louis had decided he wanted to do more than just kissing.

Liam and Louis had enjoyed a peaceful dinner (something that was becoming less of a rarity and more of an everyday thing) and were cuddled up on the couch together watching a movie. Or at least they watched the first half hour and then they started kissing and couldn’t have cared less about whether the girl on the TV got the guy or not. Even though these steamy makeout sessions had become part of their daily routine in the last two weeks, they still couldn’t get enough of each other’s mouths. It had after all been over a month since they’d last kissed like this and they had a lot of catching up to do. It started out slow and relaxed but grew increasingly hot and greedy for me. Louis ended up moving from being cuddled under Liam’s arms to straddling his legs, back completely turned to the movie.

They even remembered each other’s soft spots and utter weaknesses. Liam remembered that Louis loved when he cupped the back of his neck or played with his hair while he himself melted when Louis sucked at the birth mark under his Adam’s apple.

Louis eventually nudged Liam down into a laying position as he sucked at his neck and made his way into Liam’s pants as he began to slowly stroke at Liam’s hardening cock. Liam’s breath hitched in his throat as Louis spit into his palm and applied more pressure as he gently tugged at Liam. This made Louis giggle a little against Liam’s throat which revved him up even more.

“You gonna cum for me tonight baby? I know you’ve missed this,” Louis whispered as he moved his mouth up to the shell of Liam’s ear.

“You missed me?” Louis whispered with a gentle squeeze and twist to Liam’s cock.

Liam out a small moan and bit his lip as he pushed his hips up into Louis’s hand.

“We’re gonna go so much farther this time around babe. I’m gonna have your big thick cock all the way down my throat while I look up into your big brown eyes and watch you crumble. Then I’m gonna let you fuck my tight little asshole. I bet it’s real tight by now since I haven’t been fucked in almost two months,” Louis whispered, breaking Liam down with every twist, and tug, and pull.

“Louis, God Lou, I’m gonna fucking cum, fuck, fuck, fuuuuck” Liam moaned into Louis’s neck.

“Cum then babe,” Louis whispered as he moved back to sucking marks onto Liam’s neck.

“So fucking close,” Liam whimpered as he pushed into the pressure of Louis’s palm.

With one more twist and squeeze, Louis had Liam cumming all over his stomach which prompted Liam to take off his shirt and expose his toned abs and chest.

“God,” Liam said with an eyeroll as he leaned his head back against the couch.

Louis smirked and nuzzled into his neck, proud of himself for finally doing something to make Liam happy for a change.

“You want me to take care of you?” Liam asked as he massaged at Louis’s scalp with the hand that wasn’t occupied by the remote.

“Mm no I’m ok,” Louis said, biting his lip. The truth was that he just wasn’t ready for Liam to see him yet. The _real_ , fucked up, concave stomach and sharp ribs, and marred and cut up skinned- him. He knew that he was being irrational, Liam would see it at some point, but tonight just wasn’t that night.

“You sure?” Liam prompted, moving his eyes to look at Louis.

Louis just gave him another slow kiss, long enough to make him drop it.

 

***

 

The next morning though, the boys were singing to a different tune. During his morning jog, while Louis was still asleep, Liam reflected on the events of the previous night. Louis was good and a part of him really regretted waiting so long to start fooling around but as much as he enjoyed it, something just felt- he couldn’t think of the word. Off? Dirty? Guilty? Maybe a combination of the three.

Louis and him had at least been _acting_ like they were back together since he moved in, but they’d never actually defined their relationship. He remembered that the purpose of him coming back wasn’t just to get back together with Louis, it was to help him recover. But a naive part of him had also hoped to get back together in the process.

Liam just didn’t know what to make of the situation. He’d obviously enjoyed himself, yeah, but he felt guilty. Partly because Louis hadn’t let Liam get him off but also because it just felt weird doing these things with him while he was sick. He knew Louis would get mad if he ever admitted that but he just kind of felt like doing sexual things with Louis while he was still recovering was just . .  . wrong. Yes, he was still the same Louis that Liam had fallen for months ago but the more he thought about it, the more he thought that maybe his love and attraction to Louis was more of a guardian protecter love than that of a physical romantic love. After Louis had tried to kill himself, Liam never really thought of them in regular relationship terms anymore. He’d felt like he’d already failed Louis in that department and was terrified thinking about going for a second try.

So the longer he ran, he started to think; had he been leading Louis on since he moved in? The cuddling, and kissing, and ‘I love yous’ and now last night. God, he didn’t know how the hell he was supposed to tell Louis. “So your handjob last night was phenomenal and I love sleeping in your bed and kissing you, but I think we’re better off as friends.” He sounded like Harry or pre-Ziall Zayn and Niall.

 Now he just felt even more dirty. Liam had never been the kind to just have casual sex or lead someone on. Even as brief as his fling was with Danielle, he’d at least had _plans_ of staying with her before all the Louis drama caught up with him.

So when Louis greeted him with a post jog kiss when he got back, you could say Liam was a bit conflicted to say the least.  Louis pulled away from him with a luring smirk on his lips and sat at the table confidently, asking him what they were having for breakfast as he eyed Liam’s sweat-glistening body. Liam let out a breath through pursed lips as he grabbed his neck with both hands, too ruffled by the kiss and the war in his head to think about what to feed Louis.

“Uh anything you want, Lou,” Liam replied quickly as he opened the fridge to get out his water bottle.

Louis frowned at him for a moment, “Hm that’s strange.”

“What?”

“You don’t usually let me pick ‘anything I want’. Is a handy all it takes to make you lose a little control?” Louis joked with a wriggle of his eye brows.

Liam choked on his water and turned an embarrassing shade of pink that he was going to deem a ‘post workout flush’.

“I need to shower,” Liam said as he quickly started down the hall.

“What about breakfast?” Louis called after him.

“Anything you want,” Liam repeated.

 

Well this was odd. Liam always let Louis choose what he wanted to eat but it was always within certain boundaries. Never just a ‘go for whatever’ kinda deal like today.  Louis also knew that despite Liam’s near addiction to exercising, he much preferred to spend his mornings cuddled up in bed with Louis rather than out in the cold jogging except when something was wrong. But last night had gone well. Or at least _he_ thought it had. He’d finally done something to make Liam happy so why was he acting all weird all of a sudden. Was his handjob not good?  Back when all of the boys used to fool around together in highschool, no one ever complained that he was bad at them. Harry sure did like them when they were together, though he would choose a blowjob anyday, but who wouldn’t?

So he waited around and watched some TV until Liam came back to the kitchen with wet hair and a towel around his neck, took an apple from the fridge and plopped down in a chair at the table.

“Did you eat?” Liam asked as Louis sat down across from him.

“No. I was waiting for you. We eat together, remember? What’s up with you?” Louis asked, looking at Liam skeptically.

Liam sighed again and examined his apple, “Look, last night was-“

“So this _was_ about the handjob? I mean I could’ve blown you but I know you’re a pansy when it comes to sex stuff so I assumed you’d want to take it slow.”

“Ok, first of all, I am not a ‘pansy’. And second of all, you’re right, we should take it slow. I just- I don’ t think you’re ready  yet.”

“Excuse me?” Louis grimaced at him.

“You should be focused on getting better, not- you know.”

“Oh my God get over yourself, Liam. You’re not my fucking doctor,” Louis snapped, frustrated with Liam's treating him like a child.

Liam sighed again, “Well I just don’t want you to start using this as a distraction from everything.”

“Really, Liam, stop.”

“Are you mad?”

“Stop talking to me like I’m your fucking patient, Liam. God, I don’t even know what we are right now, but you’re ruining it. You’re ruining this. Why? Why does it always have to come back to my ‘being sick’? Why can’t you for just one second see that there’s more to me than that?”

Liam looked down in guilt.

“I thought last night, I’d finally” Louis sighed, “I don’t know. Found a way to make you see that I was still me. That I could still be fun, be more than just your chore. But no. That’s all you choose to see me as, you’re fucking responsibility, and that really fucking sucks Liam. If I would’ve known that you were just gonna friendzone me and make me feel like such a twat all the time, I could’ve gotten back with Harry.”

Liam felt like someone had just punched him right in the gut. Had Louis really just gone there? He could feel the heat in the pit of his stomach and the tears at the backs of his eyes but he wasn’t just gonna let Louis do it this time. No he was gonna defend himself this time.

“You fucking cheated on me! And then when I tried to start over, you trapped me here by trying to kill yourself! I’ve been holding back for so long trying to protect your little feelings but screw it, I’m done you crossed the fucking line. I fought for you. I’ve been fighting for you. Even when you gave up on this and on yourself, I was still fighting for you. I’ve worked so hard for you Louis and not once have you so much as thanked me or asked how _I_ was. You never cared about me, you never fought for me. When things got hard, what did you do? You chose Harry. After everything he did, after how shittily he treated you, you still ran back to him, not giving a single fuck about what that did to me.”

Louis’s blue eyes darkened as he crossed his arms and glared at Liam in a heated silence.

“Do you care to hear what that did to me, huh Lou? You wanna know how broken and lost and confused and utterly shitty I felt after I’d done so much for you and you just repayed me by going and sleeping with him again. I felt like such fucking crap that I-“ Liam stammered as he almost let loose on everything that had happened that night. About fighting Harry and Niall finding him after he’d almost tried to- no. He wasn’t telling Louis that. Not now.

 “Tell me how am I supposed to just ‘let go and relax’ after that, Louis. How am I supposed to trust you at all? How am I supposed to trust that you won’t cut and that you’ll eat? That you won’t cheat again? That you won’t try to fucking slit your wrists if I leave my razors out? I couldn’t trust you to talk to me and be honest, so how the hell am I supposed to be confident that you could do any of that?”

“Why didn’t you just leave me to die then huh? If trusting me is such a big issue,” Louis said in a hurt voice, “If I were dead, you’d have nothing to worry about. You could be off in Wolverhampton paradise, partying with your little girlfriend.”

“I wasn’t the one that found you!” Liam yelled.

Louis’s eyes widened a bit as he furrowed his brow and gaped his mouth in confusion at Liam’s admission.

“Harry did. Harry was the one that found you but he bolted the second they told us you were alive in the hospital.”

“Oh my god,” Louis said in shock as he started to get up. “Oh my god! So you’ve been lying to me this whole time? You all have! What the hell? You guys just don’t know when enough’s enough do you?”

“He wanted it that way. He wanted you to think it was me so you wouldn’t feel more confused and like you owed him. He thought it’d be easier on everyone that way since he couldn’t even fucking look at you.”

“And you just went along with it? Of course Harry was gonna choose the easy way out, that’s what he does! But you should’ve known better!” Louis screamed at him.

“No, Louis. No I shouldn’t have! In case you haven’t figured it out yet as long as you’ve known me, I don’t usually go for the broken kind. My only intention going into this was to keep you together until Harry could come back and do it himself. But of course, you two being the complete self destructive idiots that you are, you both fucked that up. But you know what? You were right. You should’ve gotten back with Harry when you had the chance so _he_ could be the one dealing with all your bullshit and you both could’ve left me the hell alone!”

Louis glared at him as the tears rushed down his face and he clenched and unclenched his fists. He wanted to yell back at Liam. To make him hurt as bad as he’d hurt Louis but nothing was coming out except for tears.

“If that’s how you feel, then fine. I’m not gonna be your fucking pity case,” Louis said, in a low husky voice that came out rough from his choked up throat.

He walked to the front door and slammed it so hard it sent vibrations through the entire flat. Part of Liam just wanted to sit there and cry. This had been the worst fight that they’d had since Liam moved in and he didn’t know if it was possible for them to come back from it. But then a wave of dejavu washed over him. They’d been here before. Them fighting , Louis walking out, and Liam just letting him go. And then he’d gotten _the call._

 _“_ Louis wait!” Liam called as he rushed out of the flat and followed Louis down the hall, despite the fact that he was barefoot and shirtless.

“No, I’m giving you what you wanted, Liam! I’m gonna leave you the hell alone!” Louis yelled back as he continued on down the hall.

“No, Louis please. I was mad and hurt. I didn’t mean all that. Please don’t go. I’m scared. Please don’t do this again,” Liam said as he wrapped a protective hand around Louis’s wrist.

“Scared of what? Scared of me? What, you scared I’m gonna go drive off a bridge now cause you treated me like shit? Fuck you,” Louis spat as he looked down at Liam’s hand.

“No, Louis please. Please just come back inside so we can talk. I’m begging you, please don’t leave.” Liam sobbed, his tears finally erupting because he was so damn terrified of what Louis was gonna do if he left.

 “You don’t even have on shoes for Christ’s sake.”

“I don’t care. Please, Louis. Please don’t do this again,” Liam begged.

Louis looked down at Liam’s hand on his wrist again and thought, just for a moment, about how comforting those hands had once been. How Liam would rest his hands on Louis’s back as he held him and let Louis cry, wrapped up in his tight comforting arms. Or how Liam would rest a reassuring hand on his knee or shoulder whenever eating was just too much for Louis. But now though, after everything Liam had just said, that hand on his wrist was a restraint and he was done being held down.

Louis tore his wrist from Liam’s grasp, walked down the stairs and left Liam sobbing and alone in the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this update didn't take too long. I would have uploaded this earlier today but I ended up having to split this update into two separate chapters because it was over 6k and I think they're better off as separate chapters. Anyways as the title states, this is the LAST Lilo fight for the fic (thank God!). The ending is a bit ambiguous but all loose ends will finally (hopefully) be tied up in the next chapter.
> 
> The next chapter will also be the last content-y chapter of the fic and will bring back all of the fearsome fivesome. I'm going to include an epilogue-y kind of chapter and a short outtakes chapter of the written up plots that didn't make it into the story but chapter 32 is the last chapter that moves along the immeadiate timeline of the fic. I don't know how far down the road I'm going to make the epilogue yet. 
> 
> The next update will be sometime this week, most likely next Saturday because I have to go through and proofread and pick songs.
> 
> But as always thank you guys so much for still reading and giving me feedback! I'm sad that we're drawing in on the final chapters but my surprise at the end of the bloopers gmh lol. (Forgive me if this end note makes no sense. I've been writing all day and I'm very exhausted rn tbh)


	32. Baby When All You See is Darkness, That's When We'll All Need Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Listening Recommendations:
> 
> Breathe Me by Sia
> 
> A Bitter Song by Butterfly Boucher (Start at "he removed")
> 
> Wonder by James Savoretti
> 
> She is Love by Parachute (Start at the beginning of the scene where Ziall shows up at Liam's)
> 
> Fix You by Coldplay (Louis should be opening the door at 3:02)
> 
> Sun by Sleeping at Last (Start at "Niall slipped out")
> 
> Down by Mat Kearney (For the credits)

Louis drove for hours. He didn’t drive to anywhere in particular. Just drove. He felt like he was floating, like _that night._ He was feeling that same weightless floating feeling he’d felt when he’d walked out of Liam’s flat and tried to kill himself. Liam called and called but Louis ignored him every time and eventually turned off his phone.

McDonald’s was his first stop. His eyes shined at all of the options on the menu but he ultimately decided on a Big Mac with supersized fries and a McFlurry. His hands were noticeably shaky as he handed the money over to the cashier and she probably thought that he was a homeless drug addict but she just gave him his change and went to prepare his food. ‘Gotta go big or go home, right?’ he’d told himself as he sat waiting for his food to come out.

He winced as he took his first bite of the burger.  It had been so long since he’d let himself eat cheap, greasy fast food. His hands shook as he picked up the fries and his stomach did summersaults at the sight of all the food. He was pissed and he wanted to punish himself by just eating it all at once but he couldn’t. He wasn’t even a quarter of the way through all the food before he started to feel full and got even more upset with himself for not even being able to punish himself right. He grumpily got up from the table and dumped the rest of his food in the garbage and didn’t respond when one of the cashiers told him to ‘take it easy and have a nice day’.

He sped to his next stop, a CVS, where he bought a pack of razors. He rushed to the bathroom and quickly tore the package open and popped the blade out of one of the razors. He put it back in the bag and locked himself in a stall and kneeled down in front of the toilet.

Louis hated when he had to purge in public bathrooms but he didn’t really have the option of going back home right now.

He slowly stuck his fingers down to the back of his throat, all too familiar with the drill. The tears started to sting the backs of his eyes as he gagged and felt the thick, hot vomit crawling up his throat. He sobbed with each gag and hated himself more and more each time more vomit came out. He repeated the process over and over until he was just dry heaving and spitting long strands of saliva into the toilet. Louis continued to cry as he flushed the vomit down the toilet and rolled over and rested his back against the wall of the stall and opened the bag.

He removed the popped out blade as he slowly rolled up his sleeve and let light on his cut up arm. His arm was pale and covered in scars. The scars from _that night_ ranged from dark red to near white, the deeper ones not yet completely healed. He ran his fingers down his marred arm and slowly brought the blade to the bottom of his forearm, wincing at the familiar rush of a smooth blade tearing his flesh open.

He gave himself a cut for ever thinking that things would work out for him and Liam. The he gave himself another for being such a prat about Liam wanting to take things slow and causing all of this. One for never asking how Liam was. One for cheating. One for sleeping with Cade and fucking things up with Harry. One for never being a good enough boyfriend. One for never being a good enough son. One for not being a good big brother to his sisters. One for always running away. One for trying to kill himself. One for failing.

He could have cut higher, cut deeper but he wasn’t gonna be the guy that killed himself in a public bathroom and made an innocent stranger walk in and find his corpse. Louis folded himself and hugged his knees against his chest as he rested his head on the wall, feeling the sting of his fresh wounds against the fabric of his clothes and not caring that he was getting blood all over himself.

He’d really fucked up this time. Liam had only wanted to see him get better. He never should have made that Harry comment. Liam had just reminded him that he could never be good enough. That despite the fact that he’d only wanted to make Liam happy, nothing Louis did could really make him happy. Then after all had been said and done – God, Louis just felt like complete shit.

 

***

 

“Louis’s probably dead right now,” Liam said to himself over and over after Louis had left. He waited on the couch for the first four hours, hoping that Louis would come back, but he never did. He’d phoned Zayn and Niall to ask if Louis was at their’s but they’d said no. He drove over to the ABC and bought two bottles of Vodka and a bottle of Jack to help drown out all the thoughts raging on in his head as he’d waited.

What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he have to snap? Yeah, Louis had been mean but, God. Why did he have to crush Louis like that? Louis made him feel small a lot but he’d minimized Louis more than he could have ever imagined himself being capable of.

He cracked open the first bottle when the clock hit 6pm and Louis still hadn’t come home.

 

***

 

Louis’s next stop was Harry’s. He didn’t even know why he was going but he’d texted Harry when he finally picked himself up off of the bathroom floor and asked if he could come over. Harry texted him back with his new address (that wasn’t Nick’s) which surprised Louis so he found himself on the road again, on his way to Harry’s.

When Harry opened the door, he looked at Louis like he’d never seen him before. Louis’s face was pink from the cold and his eyes were red from all of the crying and he knew he looked a right mess but Harry just moved over and let him in without a word.

As they sat across from each other on opposite couches, Harry continued to look at Louis in bewilderment.

“Are you just gonna keep fucking staring at me?” Louis snapped as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“I- I don’t know what to say,” Harry stammered, taken aback.

“Liam told me about what happened in the hospital. Why? Why would you do that?”

Harry shook his head as his own memories from _that night_ came back to him.

”I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be your hero after all the shit I’d done. That night was my fault.”

Louis looked down at the ground then back up into Harry’s watering eyes.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes it was. If I wouldn’t have slept with Nick, none of this would have happened.”

Louis paused for a second. “Liam was leaving that night. Leaving to go back to Wolverhampton for good after what happened with us. He was completely done with me. _He_ pushed me to do it that night. What makes you think that he deserved to be my hero any more than you did when you were the one that actually _saved_ me when he left me for dead?”

“Because he saved you before when _I’d_ left you for dead. He could take care of you and deal with this. I couldn’t. I found you on our bathroom floor in a pool of your own blood. I couldn’t just erase that from my memory Louis. The thought of having to face you again after seeing you like that was terrifying. I was too scared that I’d break you again. I was the fucking monster that tore you apart and fucked up all the progress you made. I couldn’t be the one that saved you after that. So I let Liam be your hero. It made more sense that way.”

Louis’s own tears started to fall again as he looked Harry up and down.

“You’re not a monster Harry. You fucked up. You made a mistake but I did too. We all did.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry said after a long pause.

“I’m sorry too,” Louis said back quietly.

 

**

 

It was nearing 8 o’clock and Louis still wasn’t home. By now, Liam was almost half way through the first bottle.

He’d called Zayn and Niall again and had an incoherent conversation with them that concerned them enough that they’d started to press Liam to tell them what the hell was going on. Liam hung up and Niall immediately called back, threatening that they’d drive over if Liam didn’t explain. Liam just told him that Louis was probably dead and he was fucked and then hung up. Zayn and Niall were pounding on his door in less than twenty minutes.

“What the hell do you mean ‘he might be dead’ ?” Niall yelled as soon as Liam opened the door.

“Where is he?” Zayn demanded.

“I don’t know,” Liam sighed as he threw himself down on the couch.

“What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?” Zayn yelled as he shook Liam.

“Stop it,” Niall said as he pulled Zayn off of Liam.

“He left like 8 hours ago,” Liam said as he took another swig from his vodka bottle. It was almost finished.

“Stop fucking drinking, Liam! This is serious!” Zayn said as he snatched the bottle from Liam and threw it against the wall which earned a scowl from Liam.

“I swear to God,” Zayn started as he drew his fist back.

“Baby stop,” Niall soothed as he put one hand on Zayn’s waist and lowered Zayn’s arm with the other. He grabbed Zayn’s clenched fist and slowly uncurled his fingers as he whispered in his ear.

When he was finished calming Zayn down, Niall moved back to trying to pump information from Liam.

“What happened to make him leave?” Niall asked calmly.

“We were fighting. Like always.”

“Well it had to be bad if he’s been gone this long and you’re drinking. You never drink.”

“Yeah, it was pretty brutal,” Liam frowned. “He said he should’ve stayed with Harry and I lost it. Don’t even really remember everything I said now but I mean it’s whatever. I’ve been putting up with his shit for too long anyways.”

“Well why would he say that?” Niall prodded.

“Cause we fooled around last night but I told him I didn’t think he was ready for that and so he got all mad or whatever and I guess he was tryna get me back so he went for the low blow. Haha that’s funny even though he didn’t blow me. But I bet if his mouth is anything like back in high school, that’d be a good blow.”

“Liam.”

“I’m just saying. I mean I would’ve followed him but I’m sick of chasing him when he doesn’t give a crap about me.”

“That’s not true,” Niall assured him. “You _know_ that’s not true. He needs you. Even when he says fucked up shit like that. It was only because you made him feel rejected so he wanted to hurt you back.”

“Yeah well he succeeded,” Liam said as he raised his second bottle.

“No, no more drinking,” Zayn said as he quickly snatched the second and third bottles away from Liam.

“Hey! I paid good money for that shit!” Liam yelled at Zayn’s back as he took his liquor into the kitchen.

“Focus, Li. Did he tell you anything before he left? What he might do? Where he might go?” Niall pressed.

“Nope. Just that he was leaving me the hell alone,” Liam sighed as he rested his head back on the arm of the couch.

“Ok. Well do you need to stay out ours tonight until things blow over with Lou? He probably shouldn’t come home to you like this.”

“No,” Liam shook his head quickly, “I need to make sure he comes home. I won’t be able to sleep until I know that he’s ok.”

Niall nodded, “Ok. Well do you want me to stay until he comes around? I can send Zayn back home in case Louis shows up there, even though I doubt he will, but Zayn probably shouldn’t stay here.”

“Whatever floats your bloat,” Liam said as he closed his eyes.

Niall walked into the kitchen to find Zayn taking a shot of Jack.

“Babe can you wait at the flat in case Louis shows,” Niall cooed, as he removed the shot glass from Zayn’s hand and put his arms around Niall’s waist and his own head on Zayn’s shoulder.

“You really wanna deal with a drunk Liam all by yourself?” Zayn asked as he ran his hands through Niall’s hair.

“I’ve done it before,” Niall sighed, thinking of the night before Liam had runaway to Wolverhampton, the night he’d found Liam sitting curled around himself on the shower floor after he’d contemplated killing himself.  Why the fuck were these two so damn suicidal?

“How will you get home?” Zayn asked, pulling Niall closer.

“I’ll take Li’s truck. He’s not going anywhere tonight,” Niall answered.

“Ok, well call me when Lou comes home or if you need anything, alright?” Zayn asked as he cupped Niall’s jaw and leaned in for a kiss.

“I love you,” Niall said as they pulled apart.

“I love you, too babe,” Zayn said with a small smile. “Promise we’ll never get like this.”

“Nah, I think we’ll be ok. As long as we keep fucking every night,” Niall said with a smirk.

“We should be golden then,” Zayn said before he leaned in to give Niall another kiss before he left.

“Well aren’t you two just aaaaadorable,” Liam snarked as Niall walked back into the living room.

“You and Louis could be that sickeningly sweet too if you’d quit fighting all the damn time,” Niall said as he sat down on Liam’s legs.

“I doubt we even have a chance now after everything we said today.”

“Are you sorry?” Niall asked.

“About what?” Liam asked back.

“About what you said to him.”

Liam shrugged, “I’m sorry for hurting him. But he needed to hear it.”

“Well do you want to fix things?” Niall asked.

“I don’t know. I just- I’d like to know that he’s alive first before I start making wedding arrangements,” Liam said sarcastically.

 

***

 

It was 11pm and 32 degrees outside. Louis had decided to go for a walk because he’d thought that the cool London breeze would give him some kind of direction but instead he was just freezing his ass off and feeling alone.

He sat outside in the parking lot for twenty minutes before he finally grew the balls to walk back upstairs and go inside. Louis took one last deep breath as he turned the knob and opened the flat door.

The second Liam saw Louis, he rushed up from the couch and embraced him in a tight hug.

Niall slipped out quickly, going unnoticed and called Zayn to let him know that Louis was safe and he was now on his way home.

“You’re ok! You came back!” Liam cried.

Part of Louis wanted to push Liam off of him because he was still pissed about everything Liam had said earlier. But the other part hugged Liam back and embraced his warmth which was a nice contrast to the coldness of outside.

“You reek of booze,” Louis said when they finally broke apart.

“I’ve been drinking,” Liam admitted.

“You never drink.”

“Yeah, only when I’m stressed. I thought you were dead.”

Louis frowned at him.

“I’m really glad you’re ok, Lou.”

Louis folded his arms as he looked over Liam skeptically, “I’m still mad at you for everything you said earlier. But I’m sorry for saying that I should have stayed with Harry. You’re who I need. You put up with all my shit and drink yourself into oblivion because you’re worried about me. I should be thankful that you care so much instead of being such a prick all the time.”

Liam bit his lip, “Well I’m sorry too, for saying all that stuff. It had just been building and building for so long and then you said that Harry thing and it really hurt Lou. I never told you but the night you cheated, after I beat up Harry when I’d caught him with Nick, I came back home and got plastered. Like this plastered and I thought about you know- offing myself- But I didn’t. Niall came here and found me and took care of me and tucked me in, but when I sobered up the next morning, all of the pain was still there so I ran away to Wolverhampton and met Danielle and everything. She helped me to not think of you as much but I still missed you so much. Every day I missed you Lou. I tried to not be in love with you anymore, then and now, but I can’t fight it. I love you. I love you and I want to be with you and I want you to love me back and I want you to be happy. Happy with yourself and happy with me. I wanna be enough for you Louis and sometimes you might take that as me trying to control you but I just want to show you that I can be just as good for you as Harry. I want you to pick _me_. Choose _me_. Love _me_.”

“Liam,” was all Louis could respond with as he wrapped Liam’s arms around himself and buried his face in Liam’s chest.

“Please don’t give up on us, Lou. We both fucked up but I can’t lose you again.”

“I’m right here, Li. I’m right here. I’m picking you. I picked you the day you came back for me. I choose you. I love _you_. I’m gonna get better. _We’re_ gonna get better. We’re gonna get through this, ok?” Louis said as he pulled away to look into Liam’s eyes.

“Can I kiss you or is that gonna make us fight again tomorrow?” Louis let out a small laugh, “If you can even remember.”

Liam leaned down and kissed Louis harder than they ever had before. Louis didn’t complain that Liam’s mouth tasted like vodka and Liam didn’t complain that Louis’s mouth was freezing cold. They were done with complaining. Done with _fighting._ From this point on, it was all about making things right and making them work. No more running away. No more hurting each other. They were a team and they were going to get better _together_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this was supposed to be up yesterday and I'm very sorry that I didn't post it. I'm not gonna give you guys a long string of bullshit excuses as to why it wasn't up on time; I'm just going to flat out admit that I was really busy and forgot until last night. But to make up for it I spent all day getting this update nice and pretty for it's debut (:
> 
> As I said in the last update, this was the last content chapter that followed the immediate timeline of the story. The next chapter will be a check in (idk how far down the road yet) and then the last update (which is already in the making) will be the bloopers.
> 
> Once again thanks to everyone who's stuck with the story since day one. I know I've frustrated you guys and you guys have done the same to me (asking for a ship change midstory then giving me shit when I actually did it (but we'll call it water under the bridge)). I can't believe what started out as a stupid first-fic-ever-one-shot blossomed into this and now we're almost at the end. God, this is making me emotional so let me go before I start crying and being a damn tampon.
> 
> Until next time,  
> "May your neighbors respect you, trouble neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you."


	33. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My listening reccomendation:
> 
> Good Arms vs Bad Arms by Frightened Rabbit
> 
> Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade (start when Lilo get home)
> 
> Sweet Cherub by John Marshall (start at "Louis couldn’t help but smile as he ate")
> 
> Poison and Wine by the Civil Wars (start at "top drawer")
> 
> Collide by Howie Day for the credits

Liam and Louis had spent most of their day at Zayn and Niall’s. Niall had decided that the boys had been split off for long enough and Louis had told everyone about his and Harry’s reconciliation so he figured things wouldn’t be too bad if they all came back together again. And things weren’t as bad or awkward as anyone had thought they were going to be. Sure it was kind of weird that Harry and Louis weren’t the ones all loved up and sneaking to the bathroom like in the past but Zayn and Niall made up for it. Harry felt slightly awkward when he first arrived (seeing as how he was the only single one, the villan, and they made him sit on the floor) but then Louis cracked a joke to him and everyone’s tension fell away. The boys all fell into joking around and being stupid like before and they all really did enjoy being back together.

At one point, Liam and Niall had ended up in the kitchen alone while Zayn and Louis were at it on Fifa. Niall was busy searching the fridge for something to eat (which was unsuccessful because Zayn never shopped and Niall always ate everything) when Liam came in to get a drink.

“Hey, you doin ok?” Niall asked when he noticed his presence in the kitchen.

“Yeah yeah, I’m fine. Happy actually. It’s nice to see Louis so happy again,” Liam said with a bright smile.

“Well good, I’m relieved. I thought things would be weird with Harry here but I’m glad everyone’s having a good time.”

“Yeah well I mean we made up, me and Harry, a while back actually,” Liam stated matter of factly.

“Really?” Niall asked incredulously.

“Yeah. I needed help with Louis’s eating so I went to him and we like smoothed things over a little bit,” Liam said as Harry ironically came into the kitchen in search of beer.

“Well speak of the devil,” Niall joked.

“What?” Harry asked with a small smile, “Are you two nans in here gossiping about me?”

“Nah, just glad to have you back is all,” Niall said as he pulled Harry into a head lock.

“Glad to be back Captain Niall,” Harry smiled as he tried to pull himself from Niall’s grip.

“Hey hey what’s going on in here?” Zayn asked as he and Louis both walked into the kitchen.

“Just telling Haz here that we’re glad he’s back from the dark side,” Niall answered as he finally released Harry from his grip.

“Is he this rough in bed too?” Harry joked as he rubbed his neck.

“Sometimes,” Zayn said seriously. They all broke into a fit of laughter.

As the laughs turned into giggles, they all looked around at each other and started laughing again because they were just so damn happy to be back.

“Ah I missed this so much,” Niall said as he wrapped an arm around Harry and Liam. Liam put his arm around Louis and Louis put his arm around Zayn and then they were all just standing there in the kitchen hugging each other until Niall’s stomach growled, reminding him why he’d gone into the kitchen in the first place.

“So who wants pizza?” He yelled as he slipped out of the hug and went for his phone.

All the boys started shouting out their orders, Niall ignoring them and going for the standard order that he always got when they ordered pizza; a Hawaiian for Harry and Louis, a pepperoni for Liam and Zayn, and a meat lovers for himself.

Things got slightly awkward when the pizza arrived since Louis’s eating disorder was still an elephant in the room. They kept the pizza in the living room so he and Niall could finish their round of Fifa but as soon as it was done everyone trained their eyes on Louis to see if he would eat. Liam shot everyone warning glances to stop staring and Harry tried to start a conversation to take the attention off of him. Liam sent him a silent ‘thank you’ over Louis’s head as he put his hand on his knee for reassurance. Louis ate less and slower than everyone else but he was eating and that was all that mattered to anyone.

The boys stayed for a few more hours but when Niall pulled out drinks, Liam whispered to Louis that they should get out of there. Louis pouted at him but Liam told him to trust that he’d _want_ to go. Louis rolled his eyes and mouthed to him that ‘this better be worth it’ before they said their goodbyes and thanked Niall again for bringing them all back together.

“What was the big rush to get out of there?” Louis asked as soon as Liam had taken his seat in the car.

Liam just leaned over and gave him a kiss with a big smile on his face. Louis smirked back at him.

“I have a special night planned for us,” Liam beamed.

“Really now?” Louis asked as he leaned against the door and smiled back at his glowing boyfriend.

“Yeah, I think you’re really gonna like it too,” Liam said as he put his hand on Louis’s knee. Louis put his hand over Liam’s and brushed his thumb over his knuckles.

“I’m sure whatever it is, it’ll be fantastic.”

 

Liam made Louis promise to stay in the living room and not peek in the kitchen until he was finished setting everything up and he kept to his word even though he was desperate to know what Liam was up to. An hour later, Liam came back through the swinging kitchen door and grabbed Louis’s hand, gently pulling him to his feet. He was trying his best to keep his smile small but Louis could tell that he was really excited.

“What is it?” Louis asked as Liam pushed open the door. Louis stared into the kitchen in astonishment.

Liam had cooked him dinner and bought wine and had set candles all around the kitchen and was squeezing Louis’s hand, waiting to see what he thought.

Louis turned and hugged him, burying his face in the side of Liam’s neck.

“It’s beautiful,” he whispered into Liam’s shoulder.

“Like you,” Liam said as he rubbed at Louis’s back. “Now let’s eat.”

Louis smiled as they sat down at their usual spots across from each other at the small table. Liam had went ahead and dished out their food in advanced (as to avoid an argument because he didn’t want _anything_ to ruin tonight) and Louis was thankful that he’d given him a fair amount.

“You made pasta,” Louis beamed in remembrance of the first meal that they’d shared almost three months ago when Liam had brought Louis home from the hospital. They’d come such a _long_ way since then.

“Yeah, I figured it was sentimental for us,” Liam said returning the grin.

Louis couldn’t help but smile as he ate. He ate slow (as he always did) but this time it was also because he didn’t want this moment with Liam to ever end.

“Thanks for eating,” Liam said with a reassuring squeeze to his knee.

Louis smiled back at him as tears brimmed his eyes.

 “Aw baby, you’re doing great. What is it? What’s wrong?” Liam said as he got up and wrapped his arms around Louis’s tiny frame.

“It’s just I know this hasn’t been easy, Li. _I_ haven’t been easy. But you didn’t give up. You’ve always been here for me and you’re always patient and kind and I’ll never understand why you didn’t just run again but I’m so glad that you didn’t,” Louis choked out as his tears fell and he rubbed up and down Liam’s arms.

“Louis,” Liam whispered as he picked Louis up from his seat, bridal style and rested against the counter.

“Sorry for crying,” Louis frowned as he rested his head against Liam’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around his neck.

“Don’t be,” Liam assured him, “I love it when you open up.”

“I love you,” Louis whispered into his chest before he looked up slowly into Liam’s eyes.

“I love you too,” Liam whispered back, holding Louis’s gaze for a moment before he pressed their lips together. Louis slid one hand into Liam’s hair, the other remaining on his neck, while Liam turned and gently put Louis down on top of the counter. He deepened the kiss, gently nudging his tongue into Liam’s mouth and running their tongues along each other as he went to unbutton the top two buttons of Liam’s flannel.

“Can we?” Louis asked, his mouth still pressed to Liam’s as he continued to unbutton Liam’s shirt.

Liam responded by picking Louis back up and carrying him down the hall to the bedroom. Their mouths stayed attached as Liam set Louis down on the bed carefully; Louis pulling him down with him, wrapping his arms back around Liam’s neck and his legs around his hips. A soft moan escaped from Liam against Louis’s lips from the contact of their groins despite all the fabric between them.

Louis smiled against his mouth as he moved his hands to unbuckle Liam’s belt and slide down his pants and boxers. He put his hands on Liam’s shoulders, gently nudging him to lie down as he went farther down the bed and slowly gripped Liam’s hard, leaking cock. Louis kissed his head and ran his tongue over the slit. He slowly swallowed Liam into his mouth, all the while watching him through his lashes as Liam closed his eyes and bucked his hips in pure pleasure. Louis placed a hand on his hips to steady him and used the other to fondle Liam’s balls while he sucked Liam graciously.

“Fuck, Lou,” Liam moaned as he moved his hand to slowly massage Louis’s scalp. He opened his eyes for a second to find Louis looking up at him before he pulled him up to kiss him again.

“Won’t make it if you keep sucking me off,” Liam explained as he removed his and Louis’s shirts and brought his lips back to Louis’s and pulled off Louis’s pants.

“Do you have-“ Liam asked against his lips.

“Top drawer,” Louis said, already knowing what Liam needed. They broke apart long enough for Liam to pull out a condom and lube but as soon as Liam closed the drawer, Louis was pulling him back into another kiss. Liam slicked up two fingers and gently pushed at Louis’s hole, earning a moan from Louis.

“Is this ok?” Liam asked as he pushed his fingers farther into Louis.

“Yeah babe. More, I want more,” Louis moaned.

Liam complied and pushed a third finger inside of Louis.

“Want you to fuck me babe,” Louis moaned against Liam’s mouth.

Liam bit his lip as he slid on the condom and pressed the tip of his cock against Louis’s hole.

“It’s ok babe,” Louis said and Liam nodded as he slowly pushed inside of Louis, earning a scream of pleasure from Louis from the utter burn of it.

“You ok baby?” Liam asked as he pulled out and slowly pushed back in.

“Yeah yeah. Hard babe, faster.”

Liam complied as he thrusted into Louis a bit harder this time, which earned a low groan from Louis and nails into his back. Liam moved from Louis’s lips to rest his forehead against his neck as he thrusted into Louis harder and faster.

Louis moved the hand that wasn’t digging into Louis’s back to stroke himself off, his hand rubbing against Liam’s stomach which sent a signal to Liam to stroke Louis off himself.

“Fuck Li,” Louis moaned into his ear.

“Love you so much,” Liam moaned into his neck, “You’re so good. So perfect.”

“I love you too babe,” Louis said as he moved his hand from Liam’s back to rub at his neck.

“You feel so good Lou,” Liam said as he sucked at Louis’s neck and paced his strokes so that they were in time with his thrusts.

“Fuck Li, I’m gonna cum,” Louis groaned as he pressed his fingers into Liam’s back

“Cum for me baby,” Liam moaned into his neck as he put more pressure on Louis’s cock and rocked his hips deeper, hitting Louis’s prostate every time.

Liam’s name was on Louis’s lips as he came all over Liam’s fist and stomach and he clenched himself even tighter around Liam. Liam fucked him through his orgasm and rocked into Louis even deeper until he was cumming himself, balls deep inside of Louis. He collapsed ontop of Louis in pure exhaustion and Louis laced his fingers through Liam’s hair and pulled his head up to meet his lips again. They kissed until Liam reluctantly pulled away to take off the soiled condom and toss it in the rubbish bin in the bathroom, returning with a damp wash cloth. He dabbed over Louis’s forehead and sopped the dried cum off of his stomach.

“You take such good care of me,” Louis sighed in adoration.

“Cause I love you,” Liam said as he pushed Louis’s fringe back and ran his thumb up and down his temple.

Louis sat up and kissed him before he pulled him back down and into a cuddle.

“I love you so much, Liam Payne,” Louis said he wrapped Liam’s arms around his waist.

“And I love you Louis Tomlinson,” Liam whispered as he pressed a kiss to Louis’s hair.

 

And he did. Maybe he and Louis hadn’t had a story book start (not by a long shot) but they were here now. They were here and happy and Louis was healthy and it hadn’t been easy at all but none of that mattered because being pressed up to Louis’s back, listening to his soft breaths as he drifted into sleep with Louis holding his arms around himself because he wanted Liam’s security even in his sleep, made everything completely worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp that's it folks. Thank you so much to everyone who read from start to finish and put up with my sporadic updates and my threats to quit. As I said before, bloopers are in the works and should be up soon.
> 
> Now for the surprises that always come post-credits!
> 
> First, thanks to the suggestion of a lovely "dxosannic", I've decided to write an alternate Larry ending for those of you who came for the Larry at the beginning and were forced to adjust to the ship change. This doesn't validate the people who talked shit bc of it though, those ones of you deserve nothing, but for the kind and silent sufferers, this is my gift to you.
> 
> And second, Ziall's getting a spin off! Though they weren't a main ship of the story, I loved writing for them and you guys seemed to like reading their bits so I'm giving them their own fic. I'm not really sure how long it'll go for (def not as long as this though) or when I'll start on it but rest assured something is brewing!
> 
> Once again, thanks everybody! It's been a great run and I appreciate you all for reading.


	34. Gag Reel (Bloopers)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bloopers as promised

_(Set after Chapter 15 *Pre ship change* Harry goes back to Nick’s after sleeping with Louis)_

“How’d things go?” Nick asked as he and Harry sat round his dinner table eating dinner that evening. It was the first time they’d seen each other since the night before Niall’s suggested outing.

“Well I told him I loved him in the bathroom and we kissed and then we argued. Then I went to the flat this morning to apologize and we fucked.”

“Harry Styles, you little slutbag!” Nick joked as he punched Harry’s arm.

“I’m still in love with him,” Harry admitted as he rubbed his arm.

“Yeah, I got that,” Nick said a bit sourly, tired of hearing about Harry’s admiration of Louis.

***

_(Set during Lilo hospital scene of Chapter 26)_

“What, do you not believe me?”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore, Louis. What do you call it then if you weren’t trying to kill yourself?” Liam said.

“It was a mistake, Liam. What, do you want an apology? You want me to say sorry for hurting myself? For making moving back to Wolverhampton difficult? For ruining your plans? Well fine. I’m sorry I fucked up Liam. I’ll try not cut so fucking deep next time.”

“There shouldn’t be a next time Louis! God! Why can’t you just talk to us? Why can’t you just talk to _me_?”

“That’s kinda hard to do when no one cares,” Louis spat.

“We _do_ care.”

“No, no you fucking don’t. None of you gave a shit before this and what happened tonight doesn’t change that. This wasn’t a cry for help. It was an accident. I don’t need all of you in my face, crying all over me, pretending that you care now. Go on back home to Wolverhampton and tell Zayn and Niall they can go home and cry together. And I’m sure Harry’s already gone, if he was even here in the first place.”

Liam tensed up and studied Louis for a moment, “Why are you doing this?”

“Why am I doing _what_?”

“Why are you pushing me away?”

“I’m not ‘pushing you away’. You said you wanted to leave, so leave. Here’s your out, Li. Now you can go home and say you did everything you could and it was all my fault.”

***

_(Set during the beginning of Chapter 27 when Nick tells Harry to try and remember what happened the night before)_

Harry paused for a moment as the memories of the previous night slowly started to trickle in and then wash over him like an ocean current. He closed his eyes as flashes  of Louis laying on the bathroom floor in the pool of blood, the EMTs, his and Liam’s fight, and Nick holding him replayed  on the back of his lids. He frowned and let out a hard sigh and felt Nick’s hand on his back.

“It’s ok,” Nick tried to soothe him.

Harry clenched his jaw and shook his head at him.

“We can-“

“No,” Harry interjected, already knowing what Nick was getting at. They could talk. But Harry was not up for it.

“Fine. But I’m here if you need me.”

“I don’t _ever_ wanna talk about it, ok? What happened last night is off limits for all future conversations.”

“Harry-“

“No, I mean it Nick. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Ok but-“

“No.”

Nick frowned at him and sighed.

“I’m sorry for getting you mixed into this

***

_(Set during Chapter 30 when Liam goes to Harry for advice)_

Liam sighed and mirrored Harry as he sat back in his chair and rubbed the back of his neck, “I just- I don’t know what to do. It’s hard.”

“What’s hard?” Harry asked, not a trace of sympathy in his voice but instead annoyance.

“Helping him.”

“Well you’re not thinking of leaving again are you?” Harry pushed as he leaned forward.

Liam gulped and looked down at the floor anxiously.

“No no. You’re already in, Li. It’s not just that simple to get in and then decide it’s too hard and quit

***

_(Set during Chapter 33 during the reunion at Niall’s in the beginning)_

“Ok well now that we’re all here together, everyone say what you have to say because I’m done with this separation bullshit. I just want to be best friends again,” Niall stated. All of the boys were sat around in his and Zayn’s apartment in the living room at the moment because Niall had had enough of them all being torn. They’d been friends since high school and he was determined that they could all make it past this if everyone just let go of everything.

No one spoke up though, much to Niall’s displeasure. Harry stared at the ground in front of him uncomfortably, Liam held Louis’s hand and Louis sat silently with his chin in his hand.

“Ok well I guess I’ll start then,” Niall shrugged, “Harry I think what you did to Lou was terrible but you’re still my best friend . . .”

 

***

 

_(What would have been an alternate situation to Chapter 27, where instead of Nick and Harry parting ways, Harry wants to move back in with Nick so he doesn’t feel so alone and he wants to have sex all the time but Nick keeps saying no and that Harry is scaring him and needs to talk to someone. Feeling rejected, Harry backs off and slips into a pattern of having a lot of random hookups and binge drinking to push Louis out of his head_

_In the excerpt below, Harry is not living with Nick but is trying to pursue him in an effort to not think about Louis)_

“Harry, come on,” Nick sighed as Harry began to suck at his neck. He put his hands on Nick’s hips and gently pushed him into the door as he moved to sucking at the crook of Nick’s jaw.

“No, Harry come on, stop,” Nick whined, trying to gently push at Harry’s shoulders to make him back off.

“Please Grimmy. Need this. Need you,” Harry whispered as he moved to connect their lips.

“No Harry, we’re not doing this again,” Nick plead as Harry rutted up against him.

“ _Please_ ,” Harry whispered against his neck, backing his head away to look into Nick’s eyes.

Nick could hear the hurt in his voice and see it all over his face and it made him feel even more guilty about the position he was in; pinned against the wall with this broken boy ontop of him, begging for Nick to fix him if only for a few moments and it broke his heart.

“Please just talk to me. I know this is about Louis. You’re kind of scaring me Harry,” Nick said, breaking the eye contact to look down.

Harry shook his head as he backed away and rubbed at the back of his neck, looking at the ground in shame. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it. Nick cocked his head to the side a bit, silently asking him to say it.

Harry shook his head again, “Don’t. I’m fine, Nick. I’m fine,” he plead, whispering the last sentence more to himself than to Nick.

“No. You’re not. Please Harry, just let me help you. Let me be here for you. You need to talk to someone about this,” Nick plead taking a step to shorten the distance between them.

Harry frowned and shook his head.  “I’m fine,” he whispered again.

 

***

 

_(Set after Chapter 8 when Niall comes home. The reason for Niall’s departure at the beginning of the fic was never mentioned because as I previously stated, he wasn’t originally planned to be in the fic. The reason is somewhat discussed here but to make it clear, Greg was in a car accident and Niall went back to Ireland for a month to be with his family._

_Another thing that wasn’t very clearly explained in the story was the nature of Ziall’s relationship. From other chapters, it’s hinted that it’s pretty open and this scene just kind of banks off of that.)_

“Surprise?” Niall said as he walked into the room cautiously. It’s not like the boys were _required_ to throw him a Welcome Home party but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t expecting it after he’d been gone for almost a month.

He heard Zayn grunt from the ground.

“Zayn! How could you! You were supposed to wait to get black out drunk until _after_ I got home,” Niall joked as he nudged Zayn with the toe of his sneaker.

“I’m not black out drunk,” Zayn said as he propped himself up on his elbows and watched as Niall set his bags down on the couch.

“Why are you on the floor then? And where are the boys?” Niall asked as he made his way to the kitchen and pulled a beer from the fridge.

“Well they _were_ here but-“ Zayn paused and sighed.

Niall raised his brow and cocked his head to the side, signaling that he wanted Zayn to finish.

Zayn sighed again, “A lot’s happened since you left, Ni.”

“Like?” Niall inquired as he layed down beside Zayn on the floor and took a long draw from his beer. Zayn watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed and the muscles in his neck worked, licking his suddenly dry lips.

“What happened,” Niall asked, drawing back Zayn’s attention.

“Well, Harry cheated on Louis,” Zayn started.

Niall’s eyes bulged and he choked on his beer a bit, “ _What?”_

“Yeah,” Zayn nodded.

“With who?”

“Nick.”

“That bastard,” Niall pursed his lips before he took another draw from his beer.

“Apparently Lou ditched him for Stan _again_ on his birthday and he got drunk and you know how needy drunk Harry is and Nick was there and stuff happened.”

“How did Lou take it?” Niall asked.

“He wasn’t as messed up as we all thought he’d be. Wasn’t too messed up to go and get head from some guy at Karma and start messing around with Li.”

“Oh my God,” Niall gasped.

“I mean they only kissed but they were like touching and stuff when they came over tonight and that pissed Harry off and they all argued and Liam and Harry hit each other and then Harry stormed out and then Liam and Louis left and then I laid on the floor and you came in,” Zayn finished.

“Oh my god,” Niall repeated, shaking his head as he finished the last of his beer.

“Yeah, shit’s been pretty crazy around here. Maybe something’s in the water. But you don’t have to worry about that since all you drink is beer,” Zayn joked.

“Shut up,” Niall smiled as he pushed at Zayn’s shoulder, “But how are you? How have you been?”

“I’m ok. Missed you,” Zayn admitted with a little pout.

Niall couldn’t help but lean over and give him a small peck, “Missed you too. What did you do while I was gone?”

Zayn let out a small groan knowing what Niall was _really_ trying to ask.

“ ‘s ok, if you did, Zayn. I won’t be mad,” Niall assured him as he stroked Zayn’s cheek with his thumb.

Zayn looked down at the ground and Niall moved his hand to pick Zayn’s chin up to make him look Niall in the eye, “I _promise_ I won’t be upset.”

“One handjob from a guy I met when I went out with Danny and Ant. Nothing serious, I swear.”

Niall smiled at him a bit, “From the way you were acting I thought you fucked Harry.”

Zayn rolled his eyes, “And you? What’d you get up to? I know they just _love_ their little Niall in Ireland.”

“A couple sympathy blowjobs from girls who ‘understood what I was going through’ and one fuck,” Niall said casually with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Niall,” Zayn whined as he laid back down in his previous position with his arm thrown over his face.

“Zayn,” Niall mimicked him as he staddled Zayn’s hips and laid down with his face nuzzled into Zayn’s neck.

“I get _one_ _handjob_ and you screw around with all of Ireland,” Zayn complained.

“Three blowjobs and a fuck, that’s it. None of which meant anything and they were all girls. Needed something to get my mind off things,” Niall murmered as he drummed his fingers on the skin just under where Zayn’s shirt rode up from.

“Is Greg ok?” Zayn asked sympathetically as he rubbed Niall’s back.

“Yeah he’s alright. He wasn’t in too bad of a shape when I got there but it was still pretty like-I don’t know- seeing him all banged up like that.”

Zayn sighed again bringing Niall up and down with the rise and fall of his chest.

“I did really miss you though, Zayn. Honest,” Niall admitted as he pressed his face into the side of Zayn’s neck, “Sex isn’t as fun when it’s not with you.”

“Really?” Zayn asked sarcastically as he trailed his hand up and down Niall’s back.

“Mhm,” Niall mumbled as he started to trail light kisses along Zayn’s jaw line and rub his thumb just under the waist band of Zayn’s boxers, “Girls can’t handle me like you. Can’t fuck me like you can.”

“Mhm, go on,” Zayn encouraged as he licked his lips.

“They can’t cum down my throat like you do. Can’t hold my wrists in one hand and my hip with the other as they rock into me, balls deep,” Niall continued as he slipped his whole hand into Zayn’s boxers and began to stroke him off lazily. A little moan escaped from Zayn’s lips and Niall moved to suck at the lobe of his ear.

“They don’t know my spots like you. Don’t know that place right behind my ears that I love to get licked. Don’t know that spot in my hair that you always put your fingers in that gets me close just with a touch.”

Zayn smirked and ran his free hand through Niall’s hair, first rubbing at the soft hairs by the nape of his neck then bringing his hand higher to massage at the short, dark strands toward the middle causing Niall to grind into him just a bit and let out a moan.

Zayn smirked to himself again in triumph and Niall moved to kiss his lips. It was deeper than the peck Niall had given him earlier, Zayn parting his lips to allow Niall entrance into his mouth with his toungue. Niall’s storkes on Zayn’s cock slowed even more which earned a soft whine from Zayn.

“Show me how much you missed me,” Zayn murmered against his lips, “Show me how much you want me.”

Niall smirked before he leaned in to kiss him again. Zayn met him halfway, running his hand through Niall’s hair again and gently tugged at the back strands in the process.

“Bed,” Niall mumbled into his neck.

“Bed,” Zayn agreed.


	35. Alternate Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My Listening Recommendation:
> 
> Either "Say" by John Mayer (Which came on literally right as I was about to post this and pretty much summed up the entire thing but is kind of cheesy)
> 
> or
> 
> "Crash" by You Me At Six because the raw emotion of the final chorus really sets the tone for the scene and also because I feel like it describes real life Larry pretty accurately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set the night of Chapters 23-26 as an alternate to Harry running.

Harry opened his mouth to say something but then he stopped. He opened his mouth again but again nothing came out. By the fourth time, he was just standing in front of Louis looking like a giant, awkward fish out of water which pretty much summed up how he felt as well.

“What?” Louis asked firmly once he’d tired of watching Harry just stand there.

Harry clenched his jaw tightly as he jammed his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground.

“What?” Louis repeated, an attempt at softness this time.

“Did you hear me?” Harry asked quietly.

“What?” Louis asked again in confusion.

“In the bathroom,” Harry said, still looking at the ground. “Did you hear what I said?”

Louis was the one to open and close his mouth this time.

“It- it was you?” He asked. “You’re the one that- that found me?”

Harry nodded, eyes still trained on the ground.

“Fuck,” Louis cursed to himself. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Did you hear what I said? I saw your eyes move but I wasn’t sure if you heard me?” Harry asked, moving closer and finally raising his head to look at Louis.

Louis gaped, “I- I heard something but I- didn’t- I didn’t know it was you. I didn’t know what you were saying.”

Harry looked to the ground again.

“What did you say?” Louis asked quietly, eyes still scanning over Harry.

Harry kept his eyes on the ground.

“Tell me,” Louis whispered, reaching his hand out to Harry. Harry picked his head up to look at Louis’s outstretched hand.

“Tell me,” Louis repeated as Harry grabbed his hand and Louis pulled him gently to sit on the bed.

“I- I said a lot of stuff,” Harry said quietly, looking down at the sheets spread over Louis’s bottom half.

Louis picked up his chin and ran his thumb over Harry’s cheekbone, like he used to do whenever Harry was down. Harry licked his lips and shook his head, his sign that he was on the brink of tears, as Louis leaned forward and pushed their foreheads together.

“I thought you were gone. I thought you were dead, Lou,” Harry choked out.

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispered wiping Harry’s tears away with the pad of his thumb.

“I said I was sorry. I was- I _am_ so so sorry, Louis.”

“I know.”

“I begged God not to take you away. I said I let you down, I messed up. I said I need you because I do, I do need you. I need you more than anything else, Louis. I’d give everything up for you Lou, any and everything, I swear. You make me happy, you make me sad, you drive me completely fucking insane but I fucking need you, Louis. I love you so much, more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything and I’ll never be able to love anyone else the way that I love you. I fucked up, Louis and I can’t take it back but I need you to take _me_ back, Louis. I need to be able to make sure that you’re ok and hold you when you’re sad and get you through this again, Louis. Please just forgive me.”

Louis let out a little huff as he sniffed and tried to blink back his tears.

“Please,” Harry repeated, backing his head away from Louis’s so he could look in his eyes again, “Please just pick me, Louis. Please. I know Liam’s perfect and I’m fucked up but- just please Louis, _please_.”

“Harry,” Louis breathed out, shaking his head as he looked down, “I just-I don’t know, Haz. I’m sorry, I don’t.”

“Louis I almost lost you tonight. You almost died in my freakin arms, ok?” Harry said defensively as he rose up from Louis’s bed, “I found you in a pool of your own fucking blood and I thought that you died. I thought it was over. We can’t let that be our ending, Louis. You can’t just let these mistakes be what we remember everything we had as. We’ve been through so much, Louis; _too_ much. We can’t just throw all of that away over two mistakes.”

“You broke me, Harry. I’m not saying that what happened tonight was all your fault but, Harry. So much has happened, things are so different; _we’re_ so different.”

“Do you still love me?” Harry asked firmly.

“What?” Louis asked.

“Do you still love me?” Harry repeated.

Louis took a breath and held it for a moment.

“Yes or no, Louis. Do you love me?”

“Yes,” Louis said quietly.

“Then that’s enough,” Harry said, holding his hand timidly. “Things _are_ different. A lot _has_ happened but that one thing hasn’t changed and that’s all that’s really important. You love me and I love you. You’re scared, I know, but I’m scared too, Louis. We don’t have to have everything figured out right away, it doesn’t all have to make sense right this moment but we love each other and I think if we have that, then what the hell else do we really need?”

“I have to be able to trust you, Harry. I have to know that you won’t hurt me again. I need to know that I can be safe with you again,” Louis said cautiously.

“I wouldn’t. I couldn’t, Lou. I could never. I promise you,” Harry squeezed his hand hopefully.

“Promise that you won’t run again. If things get too hard, if you’re upset with me, you’ll talk to _me._ You won’t go get drunk and needy and fuck other people.”

“I promise,” Harry said, his eyes gleaming with hope.

Louis looked down in thought and sighed, “Ok.”

“Can I ask something too?” Harry asked.

“What?”

“We _both_ talk when we’re upset. The no running thing goes for you too. You’ll talk to me when things get too hard, you won’t bottle things up and lash out when it’s all too much?”

“Ok,” Louis nodded once in agreement.

Harry let out a little smile and another tear fell as he wrapped his arms around Louis’s back and pulled him in for a deep hug, burying his face in Louis’s hair.

“God I missed you so much,” he whispered into Louis’s hair.

“I missed you too,” Louis whispered back.


End file.
